Should he have helped?

[Jelnotjel]

I was unwell yesterday (Thursday) - in bed, sleeping on and off all day unwell.
At home with two young children.

Fiancé (who lives about 25 minutes away) helped in the day by choice rather than me asking. Great. Then he had to pick up his car late afternoon from a location about twenty minutes away. No problem.

I asked him to come back to help with the evening stuff for the kids. He refused.

He refused because he wanted to rest up for a new job starting on Monday and declined the offer of a bed and room to himself because he thought he might hear the children at five am, ignoring the fact he has all weekend to rest up. He could also have just left to go home after putting them to bed.

I feel like he should have helped in the evening since he was needed. Yes we made it through, no one died but the children got cold leftovers for dinner and i did fall asleep before them so it wasn't ideal, and he had no good reason not to help.

Aibu for thinking he should've helped out?

He's calling me a parasite now for being upset he didn't help.

@Jelnotjel - you wrote "He's calling me a parasite now for being upset he didn't help."

He called you a parasite?? And you are still considering marrying this man and moving in together??

You tried living together before and it didn't work out, why on earth do you think, with perceptions already like the one above that he has of you, that it will work this time? Please don't go down the path of sunk costs or sunk time - that you've spent this time with him up to now is worth spending more time with him. I really couldn't spend time planning a wedding or moving in with someone who thought of me like a parasite because I asked them to step up and look after their own kids while I wasn't well.

Why are you marrying someone who called you a parasite because you dared to ask him to look after HIS children!!?? Just look ahead to the future and imagine him treating you like shit and your kids witnessing it, because that’s definitely going to happen.

Are you claiming benefits as a single parent?
Regardless, he is using you. Gets a free shag when he wants yet doesn’t parent his dcs. Great example he is setting.
Yes he should have been parenting his children.
What do you intend to do about his lack of interest?

OP, the actual situation of your post aside I would really reconsider getting married before moving back In together.

You split and lived separately last time for a reason. Who’s to say you won’t fall back into the bad habits or have the same issues with communication etc.

unless you’ve had some therapy and help as a couple to change how you do things you’re probably setting yourself up to repeat the past.

You know you're separated but just not calling it that.... right?

He is calling you a parasite?

What a prince. 🙁

What a prince. Get some self respect op and fuck him off.

He's your fiance AND the kid's Dad AND he's only paying you maintenance?!!

Sorry but you're being taken for a mug, luv!

Even if they weren’t his children I would expect him to help his poorly fiancé with her children. New job on Monday is DAYS away.

The fact they are his children and he’d rather rest up at home?! No way should you marry this guy.

What. The. Fuck. Dad of the fucking year. Not.

when you look after his children, are you helping him out? or are you caring for the children you brought into this world as a parent?

your relationship is dead in the water

If you don't live together and he pays maintenance, then you are not a couple. He therefore doesn't owe you anything.

A bit confused how you can be the above and fiance, but here we go!

They're his children. He owes them basic parenting when he is physically capable and his co-parent is unwell.

I agree, @Scirocco . They both have parental responsibility for the children and if one of them is unwell, the other needs to look after them. Poor children.

Even if you were not ill parenting is a demanding job and when dad is home he should be doing half the care not sitting on his arse.

If he doesn't live with you, he had no obligation to help so technically he was not being unreasonable but do you really want to marry this guy? If he doesn't help you now, it will only get worse when married.
And calling you a parasite is just vile.

Why does he have no obligation to help just because he isn’t living with her. These are his biological children! Of course he has both a moral and potentially a legal obligation to care for them.

Curious as to the 25% saying I'm unreasonable... May I ask is it:
A. Because I'm on benefits and didn't move right back in with him therefore a parasite therefore unreasonable or
B. Do you think I'm unreasonable for having had an expectation of further support in the evening rather than just being grateful for what I got? Or
C. Something else (besides at first not realising he was the dad)?

I've often read on here that people will vote YABU when someone asks a breathtakingly silly question.

You've asked "Aibu for thinking he should've helped out?"

So I'm guessing that's why they voted that way.

Sounds like you managed fine without him.

Do yourself and your kids a favour and get rid.

You don't need him.

He's an asswipe.

He sounds awful! Truly awful. He didn’t care about you and he didn’t care about his children.

what do you see in him?

you deserve a much better partner and his children deserve a better dad.

C) Because it seemed like he wasn't the father. When I realised he was in fact their father, I changed my mind. He should be with you and supporting you all.

U to consider marrying that guy. He has told you exactly who he is and how much support you will get, loud and clear.