For not wanting to attend a friend's destination wedding?

[emilydispleased]

My close friend is having a destination wedding, and while I'm happy for them, I really don't want to attend due to cost and time commitment. AIBU for not wanting to go?

No

Life is too short. Just politely decline and ask if you can give her a gift. Prepare yourself that she will be hurt but stay true to yourself x

No. People holding weddings where the majority of guests will have to travel overseas understand when people can’t attend.

i THINK IT'S SELFISH TO HAVE A 'DESTINATION WEDDING. SAVE THE DESTINATION FOR THE HONEYMOON. SORRY SBOUT THE CAPITALS.

@eddiemairswife

Unless one party is from that country

YANBU and should feel confident in saying no.

Nope you are not BU! I am not a destination wedding attendee either.

Nope.

Not your fault that going to her destination wedding will use any money you have spare and want to use for something more important for your own life, plus loads of your annual leave.

Just decline and if challenged say you can't afford it/can't get the time off.

Not at all unreasonable to not want to go.
Why on earth do people expect family and friends to fork out a fortune and rearrange their lives to attend these far flung beach weddings??
So self absorbed.

Could be worse. I'm trying to decide whether to commit to a sibling destination wedding somewhere we don't really have any interest in holidaying in. Flights, accommodation car hire and food is going to cost about £5k for 4 of us which is our holiday budget for 2 weeks but won't come close to that duration in this location.

I would be honest sooner rather than later but perhaps be more tactful and say funds simply don't allow it.

No, it’s fine. Think carefully how you put it in words e.g you’ll say that it’s about money and she will start offering you cheaper solutions etc. And at the same time try not to blame her for having a destination wedding.

It's fine for people to want to get married abroad, but they can't expect everyone to want to spend leave and money. I'll go to the opening of an envelope (especially if there are rum cocktails), so I've liked the excuse. My DD has been BM etc, but they've been in fairly cheap places, Greece, Cyprus etc and I'm happy to do childcare.

Like a pp has said , it's fine for people to want a destination wedding and for those who can attend then great. But I also don't think anyone should feel bad for declining the invitation- it's a big commitment not only of time but also finances. I'm sure your friend will understand if you have a chat with her!

Just decline. You don’t have to offer an explanation, but if you must, just say it is “not in your budget” This is distinct from “can’t afford” because it is honest that this is not how you want to prioritize your spending. That way when you spend money on something else, she can’t say you lied about not being able to attend the wedding.

As I've read on here many times...it's an invite, not a summons.

If you can't afford it cost and timewise, then you can't go - don't see the problem here really!

You don't have to go and they should understand that by having a wedding abroad not everyone may be able to attend.

If people are going to book a destination wedding then they need to expect people to turn down the invitation. Not everyone can afford financially or get leave from work.

YANBU.

No they made their plans to suit themselves and you can do likewise.

No-one wants to play a supporting role in someone else's dream holiday at their own expense, so no, YANBU.

It's not the destination wedding Olympics

This ^ is very good suggestion

Jeez bit prickly considering pp was probably just empathising

Nope. I attended a destination wedding this past spring. My young adult child lives in the city ( so no hotel expenses and I drove) as do the bride and groom but it gave me a very real pause…the expense the driving gifting coordinating eating clothes sheer effort.. and all the $$$ and we barely had the chance to speak to or congratulate the bride and groom or meet the grooms parents. I won’t be going ever again to destination wedding

Not if the bride & groom are essentially happy to go alone. It’s equally selfish for anyone to think a wedding is about anyone other than the people getting married.

OP, just say no sorry you can’t make it, if people get married abroad they should accept up front not everyone will go.

We got married abroad because we actually wanted to keep it super small so it was a good way to give people an invite but say honestly it’s very informal and if you can’t make it that’s fine.