For not wanting to attend a friend's destination wedding?

[emilydispleased]

My close friend is having a destination wedding, and while I'm happy for them, I really don't want to attend due to cost and time commitment. AIBU for not wanting to go?

No. Absolutely not.

Hazarding a guess, you’ll be fine telling them to stick it 😂

Quite!

Not at all. If they want a wedding like that the bride and groom should be open minded and accepting that not everyone can commit to that sort of wedding

I don't think she's coming back ...

That’s a really good way of putting it.

A friend of mine was invited to her friend’s destination wedding; the friend’s idea was that it would be a very small affair and that people would stay on for a couple of weeks. But what the essentially boiled down to was that my friend was expected to spend £7k and use half of her annual leave to go on her friend’s honeymoon and spend a fortnight with her friend’s DH’s best man (whom she’d never met). Funnily enough, she declined - and her friend was really cross with her. That was a particularly egregious and self absorbed example. But you hear it all the time: “it’s so much cheaper in Cyprus”. Not for all your guests, it isn’t….

There aren’t many places in the UK where someone from another part of the UK couldn’t make a Saturday wedding with one night in a Travelodge involved. Which, for most people, is a reasonable ask if you’re close enough to be invited to a wedding. I think when you start involving flights and annual leave it’s a very different proposition and the expectation can’t be that people will be able to go.

I've read it several times and I'm still unsure why you're being so rude.

Strange response. The pp was just agreeing with you.

Do you normally get so disproportionately angry when someone is agreeing with you, OP? Because if you are this chippy and aggressive in RL, I imagine you’re a popular wedding guest. Punching flower girls etc.

Like others, I think you are rude and (taking on the rudeness mantle myself) actually lacking in comprehension skills if you can't see that @TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams was empathising with you by giving an example of what she's having to deal with.

Another one saying a wedding invitation is just that, not a summons, just thank them for the invite and explain it's unfortunately not in your budget.

Probably entering the Flouncing Olympics 😆

I love a destination wedding, great excuse for a mini break to a new destination, its a win win

What? It wasn’t rude

“could be worse, look at the reason I have it more tough”

It may be trying to empathise but it’s a really minimising way of doing it. I used to do it before I was called out for it. It’s very frustrating to be on the other end of

God no. My ex-friend had an affair and finally left her husband for this man, and they wanted to get married in Vegas. I said we couldn’t afford it as we were saving for a house deposit, she said we could spend that and carry on saving after. No thanks!
Glad we didn’t, as he left her not long after, going back to his previous girlfriend.

Basically a destination wedding is asking someone to spend ££££ on someone else’s dream

These destination weddings do my head in. The couple want a magical day and others end up paying for it. I was a bridesmaid in Rome and whilst the bridal party is supposed to be covered they couldn't afford it. Neither could I but I went. I saw nothing of Rome.

Don't go. How people can still do this in thr middle of a cost of living crisis is beyond me.

She's having a destination wedding so that people don't come. It's the main reason. Nice place? yes. No hassle of guests? YES!

Bloody loved mine. I still had family come to mine, didn't invite them but they still came. I had friends apologise that they couldn't make it, (they werent invited). I wouldn't have expected anyone pay for the 33hr flight just for a wedding.

Yanbu lots of people won't make it. Anyone with half a brain who books a destination wedding knows there's a chance nobody will show up. If they wanted all their guests they'd get married somewhere more convenient

Just be really apologetic and say that unfortunately you don't have the where with all or capacity at the moment.

Our friends kept gleefully telling us how much cheaper it was to have their wedding abroad during the school holidays.

I mean, sure, cheaper for THEM!

Thing was, it was also a really stingy wedding. Food carefully allocated down to the fact everyone got two potatoes and two scraggy, mostly bony lumps of meat as part of the meal. A tablespoon of hummus each. Only one meal served between 12-12.

Not so much as a bowl of crisps provided in the evening. Arse end of nowhere and no other options. It was cheap because... It was cheap.

😂

PLEASE can someone start a Literally The Destination Wedding Olympics thread? I want to hear the most outlandish, far flung wedding invites ever received, and we can award medals and anyone is allowed to comment! Is AIBU the right place??

I think you’re just pissed off you’re going to miss it. Which I kind of understand. Your friend gets engaged, you chat about wedding ideas, get excited about a good party and then you realise you’re not going to be there because you can’t afford it or can’t get leave from work (which is also a can’t afford it really). Hence all the vitriol over destination weddings, people
pissed off they can’t go.

Oh OP you were rude, the other poster was just trying to explain that while you can say no to a friend, it’s a whole different ball game for a family member’s wedding.

in your situation just say no, they will be expecting most people to say no, if not due to finances, because they can’t get the time off work. No is fine.

Do none of these people consider the carbon footprint of destination weddings. Fair enough when you have family there but otherwise, destination weddings are so selfish on so many levels. I always decline unless there is a good reason.

You are not unreasonable to not want to go.

You are unreasonable for asking for opinions from only people you address on a public forum.

I think you need to apologise to a couple of posters today.