For not wanting to attend a friend's destination wedding?

[emilydispleased]

My close friend is having a destination wedding, and while I'm happy for them, I really don't want to attend due to cost and time commitment. AIBU for not wanting to go?

@OlivePoet

Not prickly, just saying how it reads.

"Could be worse" is comparison, further confirmed by the rest of the comment. Doesn't bode well, it's not a competition about who has it worse, sibling vs friend etc etc. No need really.

@OlivePoet

Nothing empathetic about the comment. Read it again perhaps and don't get involved when I wasn't addressing you

Just decline, it's not a summons.

It’s just someone trying to empathise with you. No need for your reaction.

I wouldn't need to say funds won't allow it I would say I can't make it

There does not have to be a need to give a reason

Funny how the internet works isn’t it, anyone can reply 🤣

We’ve declined as many as we’ve been to. DH has been to a couple without me (a cousin of his and a close friend), I went to my BF’s wedding without him and kids in Sicily.
We managed to get childcare for an American one.
but have declined friend in Cancun (not great destination and bad time of year for kids). Second cousin in Toronto (too far) and two when I was quite pregnant (America and Caribbean)

Well don't post threads asking for people's opinions if you don't want them then. It's an open thread, not a private message, I can comment on whatever I want to.

Wow, rude! PP was just empathising.

I've just seen OP's responses to others.... and the rudeness just gets worse 😳

Not everyone has the money to attend a wedding destination. I'd just be honest with her. Just say as much as it is 'beautiful' you simply can't afford to overspend. I know she is your close friend; but you shouldn't have to go into debt or overspend just to attend a wedding. Just be honest with her and say you can't do it. It's out of your reach. Remember others may decline also so don't feel you are being unreasonable by declining the invitation.

Not unreasonable. It shouldn’t cost you loads of money (and time for long distance travel etc). It’s unreasonable of the couple to ask people to do so, imo.

We got married abroad because we actually wanted to keep it super small so it was a good way to give people an invite but say honestly it’s very informal and if you can’t make it that’s fine

I'd always assumed this tbh - that it is a way to politely invite loads of people but still ensure a small wedding. YADNBU to decline.

You know this is a public forum, yes?

And I am addressing you...

Just say you won't be able to come. Add Sorry if you feel like being polite

This is why, if you're more comfortable with an excuse rather than a flat no, it's better to opt for 'can't get the time off work' if at all possible.

Of course not, there are loads of things I don’t want to do, no point feeling guilty about it.

The couple are probably banking on a lot of people not coming so you’ll be doing them a favour!

Just send your regrets. No need to explain, unless you are pressed. Then "It is beyond my budget. Let's have dinner together when you are home"

People prioritising venues and destinations over guests can't expect everyone to be able to attend.

@OlivePoet

The issue isn't with you commenting. It's about you doing destination wedding Olympics and making comments like "could be worse" and launching into how your situation is worse

@OlivePoet

I tagged you incorrectly there in my last comment.

The issue isn't with you commenting, you're justifying someone else doing comparison Olympics, and getting involved where you don't need to, making things bigger than needed. You didn't need to justify her behaviour when it was literally the opposite of empathising. Read it again.

We got married abroad because we actually wanted to keep it super small so it was a good way to give people an invite but say honestly it’s very informal and if you can’t make it that’s fine.

But of a risky strategy if you don't actually want them there though - you could end up with an intimate dream wedding with just very close family and friends, but then also some rando from work and his new girlfriend and a couple of neighbours you'd feel awkward not inviting.

YANBU. It's the risk people take with destination weddings. I received an invite recently and declined - not in the budget.

Who invites random people to their wedding, even if it’s down the local pub? I would imagine they would consider the guest list like most people.

You know this is how conversations work don’t you? People share their experiences of a similar situation?

Jesus if this is how snipey you are in general I reckon your ‘friend’ will be pleased you can’t make it 🤣

Ooh sorry didn't realise you just wanted agreement and fawning on this thread 🤣🤣

I don't need to 'read it again' dear, thank you. Like I said, I'm allowed to comment what I like on a public forum. You are free to ignore me if you like!

Sheesh. Cranky much OP!

Weddings should be painless for guests.