to wonder if secondaries are really this bad?

[is30tooyoungformidlifecrisis]

I have heard such awful things about secondary schools these days and wonder if parents of teenagers can confirm or deny. Things like:

• Not allowed to take off blazers without permission and kids getting too hot, or opopsite I saw earlier today, not allowed to put on jumper without permission
• Toilets locked during lesson time
• Having to walk in a certain way around the corridors, have heard some students have to walk in silence around school

It seems like secondary pupils are treated like criminals. I'm 30 so have been out of school over a decade but it was nowhere near like this when I was at school - are these just extreme rumours or are they true?

YABU - No they aren't usually like this, that's just a few extreme rules
YANBU - This is what secondaries are like these days

I went to two secondary schools in the late 90s/early 00s. First one had shirt and tie but no blazer. If your shirt was untucked you just got told to tuck it in. No rules about how you move around the school (but tbf it was massive, spread over many buildings so a lot of the movement was outside where there was lots of space) No locked toilets. The other school was polo shirt and jumper kind of school, very relaxed on uniform. Crowded school but still no rules about how you move around the corridor. Wasn't a great school tbh, went into special measures after I left, but I enjoyed it there and there were some teachers who were really good at getting students to behave well without giving out detentions willynilly or shouting (other teachers were not so good). Toilets were locked for a while but then they stopped locking them after complaints.

I'm glad I moved to a different country though. My daughter started at upper school this year and its nothing like British schools. No uniform or rules about what they were or hairstyles or anything like that. Rules are few and simple. Definitely no restrictions on using toilets. Only issues I've heard so far (they've been in school 5 weeks) were about the new students taking the more dangerous route to the sports hall (its another town and they have to bike there between lessons - one of the few strict rules is about which route to take as one is quite dangerous traffic-wise) and parents were just asked to talk to their children about it.

My son's school isn't but it's a tiny rural school and they don't have blazers. No idea if the toilets are locked during lesson time but ds hasn't mentioned it.

Some schools still don't have uniforms today - our primary school (South East) doesn't have a uniform as parents were given a vote on it and continue to opt out of uniforms.

Most schools in Europe don't have uniforms, I'm not sure why it became such a big think in the UK.

My eldest daughter is at an all girls' school and my son an all boys'.

Both school's are state grammar schools and both have the 3 rules mentioned in the OP. I have noticed that the rules are very strictly enforced at my son's school however my daughter's school doesn't appear to be at all strict in enforcing the rules.

My son has a "uniform card" issued each half term, any minor indiscretion leads to this card being signed by the teacher. If he is unable to produce the card it's an automatic detention. Once the card is full (@ 6 signatures) it's an automatic level 1detention. There are 4 levels of detention, break time, lunchtime, after school and for the worst offences a day in solitary. The next level is a longer period in solitary, then exclusion.

Both schools are good school's which achieve excellent results, behaviour isn't an issue at either school. Neither feel like a prison - I assumed the difference in approach was related to the schools being single sex.

My son's school does seem incredibly strict to me, thankfully my son isn't one to get in trouble however the handful of detentions he has had have all been for silly reasons - not that I let on to him that I think it's OTT.

My daughter finds it funny how strict his school is in comparison and my son is in disbelief at how lax her school is!

That sounds amazing.

My daughter has an overactive bladder so needs the toilet often. I had to get her a toilet pass otherwise she wouldn't be allowed to go during lessons

At our secondary they have to wear their blazers when they are moving from one classroom/place to another even if it's a million degrees.

Parents were going mad so they trialled abandoning that rule. Then one hundred and eight six unnamed blazers were left behind on the first day.