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AIBU?

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Original poster

to wonder if secondaries are really this bad?

207 replies

is30tooyoungformidlifecrisis · 10/09/2024 21:45

I have heard such awful things about secondary schools these days and wonder if parents of teenagers can confirm or deny. Things like:

  • Not allowed to take off blazers without permission and kids getting too hot, or opopsite I saw earlier today, not allowed to put on jumper without permission
  • Toilets locked during lesson time
  • Having to walk in a certain way around the corridors, have heard some students have to walk in silence around school
It seems like secondary pupils are treated like criminals. I'm 30 so have been out of school over a decade but it was nowhere near like this when I was at school - are these just extreme rumours or are they true?

YABU - No they aren't usually like this, that's just a few extreme rules
YANBU - This is what secondaries are like these days

OP posts:
NewNameNewDrivel · 10/09/2024 22:38

I think the change in teen behaviour now may be a reflection of how the 80s kids experienced life. Maybe we were very controlled and bottled-up and so we are bringing up our kids to be a little more feisty?

I'm much happier too now that my son has the freedom to learn in his own way at home. I hated watching his own inner self being crushed into a generic schoolboy.

The nicest thing about homeschooling is that he sings while he is working. I love that and I am absolutely certain that he was not doing that in school.

Arrivapercy · 10/09/2024 22:38

Detentions were fairly rare at my school too. It was incredibly rare to forget your pe kit. You did it once.... never again.

BehindTheSequinsandStilettos · 10/09/2024 22:38
  • Not allowed to take off blazers without permission and kids getting too hot, or opposite I saw earlier today, not allowed to put on jumper without permission
we have that one - staff will say yes in the classroom, but we want them going between buildings with blazers on as they look smart: teaching them business dress code early is useful for many who will need to adhere to one
  • Toilets locked during lesson time
practical one - we do not have the budget for a £400-£1000/a time plumber call-out for sinks being pulled off the wall/vapes being flushed down the bog. Parents rarely foot the bill. Staff also do full days without going to the loo. If they need more access they get a GP's letter for a toilet pass
  • Having to walk in a certain way around the corridors, have heard some students have to walk in silence around school
Keep left rule is to aid congestion and prevent accidents on the stairs, pushing and shoving and facilitate smooth access. Silent corridors I think was Michaela in London. Ours can talk just not eat or drink inside
Gemstar3 · 10/09/2024 22:38

I think it just depends on the school! I’m a few years older than you OP and all of this was true at my secondary school back then!

SecondFavouriteDinosaur · 10/09/2024 22:39

Arrivapercy · 10/09/2024 22:38

Detentions were fairly rare at my school too. It was incredibly rare to forget your pe kit. You did it once.... never again.

Fab. I was just pointing out that not all schools were like this in the 90s. Mine wasn’t.

Neveragain35 · 10/09/2024 22:39

Can’t take blazer off without permission in lesson time is technically a thing, but any teacher will give them permission as soon as they enter the room. At my school they can take them off at break.

Some toilets locked during lesson times but there are always some open for kids with toilet passes etc.

NewNameNewDrivel · 10/09/2024 22:40

I don't think there were detentions at my school at all. We were allowed to take blazers off.

We had a keep left rule in the corridor but it was fun and the teachers acted like funny traffic policement keeping us right. I liked it.

My DM was a teacher in the 70s when they still had the belt and she hated it. It was gone by the time I arrived.

Arrivapercy · 10/09/2024 22:41

The rules are necessary because parenting has changed. There's no focus at home on obedience. Too many families don't really impose proper consequences for bad behaviour.

Floralspecscase · 10/09/2024 22:42

Is it because a lot of children are so badly behaved that they have to have these rules, to stop them running, pushing and fighting in corridors and stop bullying in the loos?

The blazers thing makes no sense at all.

RedToothBrush · 10/09/2024 22:42

This was normal in the 1990s.

Not new.

Lougle · 10/09/2024 22:42

I'm all for rules. But when the rules and systems create the situation a child gets sanctioned for, it has gone too far. DD3 was given a tick on her 'proud card' (3 ticks=one whole day in the 'hub') because she, along with 5 other students, was trapped in a classroom, physically unable to leave because of the stream of students passing the classroom door, following the one way system. When she got to her next lesson and explained, the teacher said she had to tick her card because she was late and that was the rule.

belugaheightss · 10/09/2024 22:43

TealTraybake · 10/09/2024 21:55

There’s also this mixed sex or non gender toilet situation. My friends daughter hasn’t used the school toilets for a year, since they are now mixed sex. She doesn’t drink or eat much at school. Horrendous situation. People who enabled / enforced mixed sex toilets only, should be ashamed.

What!! That's crazy. I didn't know it had gif to that 😠

Nocameltoeleggingsplease · 10/09/2024 22:44

My school

  • a clear but not ridiculous uniform policy. Blazers in corridors but not in classrooms and we are not daft we know when it’s hot
  • a one way system because we have over 1000 kids in a building built for 600.
  • pupils walked in silence to and from break and lunch because some year groups are still in lessons (see above, split breaks and lunches necessary)
  • unless medical reason can’t use the toilet in lesson time as supervision of toilets required due to truancy, vaping, phone use etc
Feel free to pop to a secondary and tell them how to do it better having only attended as a pupil and left over a decade ago. Everyone’s a bloody expert….
sunseaandsoundingoff · 10/09/2024 22:44

Gemstar3 · 10/09/2024 22:38

I think it just depends on the school! I’m a few years older than you OP and all of this was true at my secondary school back then!

Same.

We also weren't allowed to ask for the blinds to be even partially shut even in blinding sunlight.

Not allowed to go to the local shop (literally across the road).

Had to fully strip off for the showers, mandatory after PE.

If you forgot your PE kit you wore manky stuff from the lost property box, even though dirty and wrong size.

Had to have an assembly and sing hymns, despite it being a non-religious school, because they got pulled up by OFSTED for doing IT lessons in the time instead and were told they had to have "communal worship" more than once per term.

No water in class, not sure if that's still a thing.

Think all the rules about only certain types of shoes, no jewellery, hair colours etc are still a thing now.

belugaheightss · 10/09/2024 22:44

DillyDallySal · 10/09/2024 22:15

Unfortunately, parenting and society in general has changed since you were at school and there are far more behavioural issues that schools face. To maintain order and safety, schools have to be stricter on the small stuff. Conversely to what a PP suggested, sweating the small stuff actually does support in not enabling the high level behaviours. Lots of these things just make sense in a large school: one way systems in corridors avoids crushes; locking toilets during lessons stops students hiding in them and cuts internal truanting as there’s nowhere to hide (there are always toilets available for those who need them, but usually one area at a time, manned by staff). It’s about creating a purposeful environment for learning and enforcing clear standards that support students to make good choices behaviourally, and that impacts all students positively.

Very well said.

ShoopShoopShoopShoop · 10/09/2024 22:45

Floralspecscase · 10/09/2024 22:42

Is it because a lot of children are so badly behaved that they have to have these rules, to stop them running, pushing and fighting in corridors and stop bullying in the loos?

The blazers thing makes no sense at all.

It's to stop the constant on then off the in again x 30+ kids.
And the "oh, sorry, did I hit you, I was only taking my blazer off" and "oh no, I dropped everything on the floor LOL" and the like.

Give kids an inch, they'll take a mile!!

Barkingshoes · 10/09/2024 22:46

I’m sure school culture will improve once start charging VAT on private schools.

Nocameltoeleggingsplease · 10/09/2024 22:47

Open toilets are mainly there because locked up ones with main doors = bullying, vaping etc and of course teachers can’t go in to check because it makes them a paedophile

ShoopShoopShoopShoop · 10/09/2024 22:48

Lougle · 10/09/2024 22:42

I'm all for rules. But when the rules and systems create the situation a child gets sanctioned for, it has gone too far. DD3 was given a tick on her 'proud card' (3 ticks=one whole day in the 'hub') because she, along with 5 other students, was trapped in a classroom, physically unable to leave because of the stream of students passing the classroom door, following the one way system. When she got to her next lesson and explained, the teacher said she had to tick her card because she was late and that was the rule.

Shit happens.

If they make an exception for that, then they have to make an exception for any children who claim they were stuck (even when they weren't)

Bunnycat101 · 10/09/2024 22:50

But how does banning a jumper in September but allowing one October help with behaviour? I can see why schools need to be strict with the low level disruption stuff but some of the uniform rules just seem petty and setting up battles that aren’t really important in the scheme of things.

Blazers are a load of tosh as well. It does nothing to help prepare kids for ‘business dress’ as most of the students will then go to university to dress like slobs for 3-4 years and people are much more casual in the workplace.

Neighbours87 · 10/09/2024 22:51

At my school we had to walk on the left of the corridor. It wasn’t about control. It’s basically ensured easy movement of hundreds of kids through narrow corridors every 40mins

LuluBlakey1 · 10/09/2024 22:51

Chichimcgee · 10/09/2024 21:47

Ds school has smoking areas for each year group including year 7s, the only rules seem to be smoke in the designated area and try not to shank anyone.

Just tobacco or cannabis too?

wellington77 · 10/09/2024 22:51

I’m a teacher. I think what you are describing is a small number of free schools or academies, certainly not the majority. Walking in corridors in silence was big in the press as it is being done at the Michaela school “ the strictest school in England” it certainly isn’t the norm and I’ve not heard of it in the city I am in. Blazers are always allowed off when hot wherever I have taught.

NewNameNewDrivel · 10/09/2024 22:52

wellington77 · 10/09/2024 22:51

I’m a teacher. I think what you are describing is a small number of free schools or academies, certainly not the majority. Walking in corridors in silence was big in the press as it is being done at the Michaela school “ the strictest school in England” it certainly isn’t the norm and I’ve not heard of it in the city I am in. Blazers are always allowed off when hot wherever I have taught.

Edited

Is it nicer for kids and teachers in non-academy schools?

Walkden · 10/09/2024 22:55

"When she got to her next lesson and explained, the teacher said she had to tick her card because she was late and that was the rule."

R member when people said during the pandemic. " I need to prioritise keeping a roof over my head and feeding my family " for sending positive kids in, well it goes both ways. Teachers in academies are subject to Quality control that they are enforcing rules in line with policy. Don't like those rules? send your kid to a different school or home school them...