to wonder if secondaries are really this bad?

[is30tooyoungformidlifecrisis]

I have heard such awful things about secondary schools these days and wonder if parents of teenagers can confirm or deny. Things like:

• Not allowed to take off blazers without permission and kids getting too hot, or opopsite I saw earlier today, not allowed to put on jumper without permission
• Toilets locked during lesson time
• Having to walk in a certain way around the corridors, have heard some students have to walk in silence around school

It seems like secondary pupils are treated like criminals. I'm 30 so have been out of school over a decade but it was nowhere near like this when I was at school - are these just extreme rumours or are they true?

YABU - No they aren't usually like this, that's just a few extreme rules
YANBU - This is what secondaries are like these days

Not taking blazer off and keeping to side of narrow corridor and limited routes - was normal in my 90s secondary school.

Toilets were not locked - and we could talk in corridors - but I don't think noise was as bad as it is DC secondary now. Difference seem to be general behavior - it was better in my 90s secondary than DC secondary.

OP you seem a bit naive. Teenagers can be absolutely awful (plus it’s a well known fact that behaviour is getting worse in schools…), so schools need to do everything they can in order to keep control. You can’t teach if you have no control, so that’s step one.

I’m also in my thirties btw and we had a one-way system around my school. It was for safety reasons, as hundreds of pupils all trying to get around at the same time isn’t the smoothest of operations…

It's absolutely awful OP my DD has just started year 8.

The worse thing is the lack of learning or interest in her as a pupil - because she a good girl who's achieving well there's no interest in her improving or reaching her potential, she's just coasting along, bored to tears. But she sticks to the ridiculous school rules so that'll do.

She's gone back to school and 5 teachers have left! Theres only years 7 and 8 in her school so this is a lot of staff. No communication at all to parents about this, teachers are just taking two subjects.

She's been offered another school and i think she should take it but imagine if it's worse or as bad.

What do you think?

There must be 1000s of secondary schools in the country, some will have all do those rules, some will have none of them. What exactly are you trying to find out?

It's absolutely true, I spoke to her head of year about it. They hugged in the dinner queue. Physical contact between students in the building is no longer allowed as apparently makes it easier to spot any issues. It's like a prison in there.

They didn’t need to have such strict rules ‘in our day’ because behaviour wasn’t as bad. Neither is it as bad in Europe. This is due to the way society, and parenting, has changed.

Schools are having to react to the fact that kids are now ruder, more unruly and entitled.

I'm 34 and we had a one way system when I was at school. No blazers though.

My kids school doesn't have blazers, doesn't lock loos (although a teacher may not give you permission to go).
No rules re corridors that I am aware of.
Visit the schools and choose 1 you like.

The school my DH teaches at has “mixed” toilets. So she’s DS’s school. In reality they’re floor to ceiling doors and walks, one side of each (sinks are down the middle) has become de facto boys and de facto girls. In both schools. Doesn’t seem an issue to me.

Yes my DS's school is like this OP. Also detentions galore for the most minor things. I'm tired of it. Every day is stressful and my son is a good kid. He's also ND so it's super stressful.

Problem is we don’t all have that luxury. I live in a very small town with one catchment secondary school. Our next nearest secondary school is 11 miles away, it is oversubscribed and there is no transport to it. Realistically, there is no other school that we would get a place at that we can get to. I’ve known a few people put other schools as their first choice, they’ve all been given a place at the local secondary.

I've just taken my ND kid out. In the 90s school I went to, he would be happy and in school, but as things are now there's no way he can be there.

Unfortunately yes. It's a school for children who have been permanently excluded or have no school place. My son is in a small nurture group thankfully but its a pretty savage school, it looks like a prison and staff do bag searches before the children can go into the main building.

Same. I read these threads and wonder where everyone else went to school back in the 90s. I was at a large secondary in outer London.
We couldn't take blazers/jumpers on or off without permission. We weren't allowed to wear big coats once on school property. Detentions for forgetting PE kits or fountain pens or maths equipment. I got a detention for forgetting my hymn book on a mass day. We were only allowed to wear certain colour socks. Definitely no trainers. No toilet breaks allowed during lessons.
So many things I see parents complaining about they seem to talk as if they're all new things. But pretty much every rule I read on here we had in the 90s at my school.

I’m not sure why you find those rules so shocking.
Kids have to wear their uniform. Obviously if it’s hot exceptions are made. In the Uk it’s rarely that warm. Wearing uniform is a good thing for kids. Gives them a sense of belonging, stops all the stressing about what to wear, helps them look smart.
Locking toilets during lesson time is to keep kids safe and prevent vandalism. You don’t want kids unsupervised in toilets. There’s a risk of bullying or them having a medical episode and nobody knowing.
Walking in a certain way around school is also a safety precaution. You see rules like that in any places there are crowds of people moving around. Train station escalators tell you to keep to one side for example. It’s the same thing.

I went to secondary school in the 90s and we had none of these things. We didn’t even have a uniform.

I used to be a secondary teacher and yes it was that bad that they had to bring in extreme rules to manage behaviour. I'm all for it but do appreciate it isn't for everyone. If your child won't thrive in such an environment probably best to try and avoid if possible.

Many kids don't have any boundaries or rules at home and school provide that. It's another secondary consequence from poor parenting.

None of this is true for dcs secondary school.

Surely one way systems in small corridors when you have a school with 1,000 pupils is sensible and a safety thing?

The blazer thing is a bit bonkers imo but my school was the same and I’m 40 now. Seems standard and dc have coped fine. Teachers give permission in class to remove them.

toilets - dc should be able to go in breaks so shouldn’t be an issue but this is to stop truancy and bullying.

not sure why you’re so outraged.

Detention for forgetting pe kit/homework etc...

This isn't new? This has always been standard.

We wouldn’t have got a detention for that. Detentions were very rare. I never had one. Forgotten PE kit or no homework would have got a ‘warning’. 5 warnings in one term was a lunchtime detention. Behaviour was generally good.

I went to secondary school in the 90s and we had none of these things. We didn’t even have a uniform.

In the uk? Uniforms have been pretty standard since the 80s in the uk. I can't think of a single secondary near mine in the 90s that didn't have uniform. Mine was the last primary to introduce required uniform in about 1993.

Sexual assault in schools is very high so I imagine they've introduced this as a blanket rule. Obviously hugging a friend is innocuous but for many other people 'hugging a friend' is not and a standard rule to stop this protects vulnerable children.

Yes, in the UK. The Midlands.