solo day out - unwanted company

[FrescoeDay]

I actually know I'm not being unreasonable but my reaction may be out of proportion and I need help wording my response for my desired outcome - solitude.

I'm on a sort of retreat in Italy. Tomorrow I arranged to go on a day trip away from the base to look at some art. I'd arranged for the car to the station, bought my train ticket and was looking forward to it. I told my next door room mate who told someone else who over dinner tonight said he was coming along 'if I didn't mind.' Of course I don't mind him going to the town and looking at the art. If he is here a week it is his opportunity. Of course I don't mind if he catches the same train - although, honestly, I don't want to chat and be friendly and 'on' for an hour plus on the train there (and back?!) Why should I?

I do not want to spend 6 hours going around museums galleries, churches, having lunch, with a stranger. I prefer to look at art alone at my own pace and have my own responses. But over dinner I could hardly say that. The prick (pardon me) cornered me. I am so angry I'm finding it hard to relax. This may be disproportionate. The thing is I am quite able to be cold and freeze people if I feel like it - but I don't want to introduce awkwardness let alone animosity. I am meeting the driver of the retreat tomorrow morning and this other unwanted guest. I don't want to stop him if this is his one chance to go to the town. But I refuse to have my day stolen from me because I end up being polite to this man. I need a healthy middle ground. I am 46. I can't believe I am still being imposed on like this. I don't want to snap but I may.

Thanks for hearing me out. Perspective needed. This has touched a nerve you can tell. I would just never ever do this.

Did you?

I am chuckling a little at the idea that someone can be 'bullied' on a thread. A thread about men imposing on women in ways that often cannot be ignored or walked away from (as ultimately a thread can).

I also don't think this is down to women to resolve. One thing I have learned: when men behave like this it doesn't really matter much (to the man) how the woman on the receiving end responds. Anger, indifference, assertiveness.....whatever. If there is a void where respect for women should be, her response is neither here nor there. All she can really do is extricate herself whatever way she can.

Guys what's wrong with you. Why is there so much aggression. Will you stop telling carleybup to STFU and to fuck off.

I've never seen such bad language on here!

Yes I think its probably worse cos of all the ways they can try to get us now. And if you dare make a comment on something on social media it gets thrown back at you.

You new here or something? Swearing is commonplace.

Yes but swearing to and swearing at are different things, and swearing at is aggressive, don't you think?

Its not commonplace.

I've posted on ten other threads in the last two days.

This is the only thread where I've seen someone tell a poster to "fuck off".

It shocked me. It's not nice.

Yet another thread that was interesting to start with but has descended into a bunch of randoms arguing with each other.

What disgusting behaviour on this thread!
if all of you telling CarleyBup to go away just left her alone there wouldn’t be the derailing that you claim to care so much about.
What great examples of women you are !!

So OP...are you OK? Did you get to see what you wanted to see?

I would also like an update from the op.

I would also like to apologise to everyone else on the thread for the part that I played in stirring up this tedious nonsense. Pretty obvious that some kids had best be advised on social skills (including not dominating the airspace were not wanted, fuelled by a sense of righteous victim hood) from outside the family. So yeah sorry everyone

Oh, this really massively grates on me too. I've currently got a neighbour (who moved in a year ago, around October,) with a son who's 8. As soon as he comes home from school at 2.45pm - school is 5 minutes walk - he whizzes up and down the cul-de-sac on his little bike, and just continually targets people to talk at. (Doesn't talk to them or listen. It's never a 2 way conversation. It's just him talking about himself and blathering on and chatting shit.)

The summer holidays were stressful, trying to avoid him, as he was outside ALL the time. As soon as you stepped out of your front door, he would appear, and try to pin you down and bend your ears with his continual waffle.

I know he is only 8 - but he is singularly the most annoying little shit that I've ever met. Honestly, absolutely does my head in. He's got a sister who's a year older and she doesn't do anything like this.

The mother does nothing about it and just lets him whizz up and down the footpaths targeting people. She thinks that her precious son is such an enchanting little darling, and that everybody should love him, and drop absolutely everything they're doing to stand and listen to the crap he comes out with.

I'm having to do stuff in the garden now before 2.30pm, and haven't got the luxury of tootling around late afternoon or early evening, because I know that I'm just going to get pinned down by him chatting shit. He refuses to leave, even when I say 'gotta go now I'm busy' and turn my back. Absolutely no boundaries. I know he is only 8, but I doubt that he will EVER change, and I pity any girls or women he encounters as a man.

@FrescoeDay I would love to hear an update. Did you get your nice day away from this super-irritating pushy man?

I was spectating at my DD's football last weekend and the bloke next to me told his son to ask me to play a card game with him. Then he was affronted when I said no.

My son is 14 and there is a girl he likes, who he is friends with at school. They’ve spent weeks texting each other sweet things like “you sang the best in choir today” and “I hope you get chosen for the volleyball team”. I’ve craftily dropped into conversations a couple of times about how a way to ask a girl out without asking her out, is to say “I was thinking of going to see X at the movies at the weekend” and if she says “oh I’d love to see that” then you say “would you like to go with me?” and if she’s like “umm no that’s ok” then that’s ok, because he was going ANYWAY ☺️
But also, he’s taking the time to see if she is interested by building a friendship before he asks.

That's a shame. I do think this is a problem with people not being raised properly. It would be kinder to tell him what he's doing is wrong

Again I don't think this is a problem for the nearest woman to fix. This is the responsibility of his parents (both his parents btw - I note no mention of his father).

Yeah I should have mentioned that sorry. No father on the scene. The mum is with a man now who she has been with for around 4 years.

I have never seen the father of this lad (and his older sister who is about a year and a half older.) Stepdad works away around 4 days of the week, and doesn't take any of the disciplining duties, (or communicate much with the kids at all as far as I can see) - and as I said, the mother doesn't give a shit, and thinks her darling son is enchanting and that everyone should love him. 🙄

As you said, it's not up to me - or any other woman - to tell this 8 year old lad that he is crossing boundaries, and tell him what he is doing is wrong, and being a pain in the arse. His mother should be doing this. I can not imagine it ending well if some random female neighbour tried to scold or dictate to this little poppet. His mother can't see he is doing anything wrong

Men harassing women is a problem as old as time. Btw again in the 19th Century while the Contagious Diseases Acts were in force, any woman 'loitering' in the street - even if just window shopping etc and of course if being harassed by passing men - was liable to be arrested if suspected to be a prostitute (only women of course - suspected 'clients' were not targeted).

It was up to the police officer to decide if the woman was likely to be a prostitute or if it was reported to him. You can well imagine the scope this gave malicious men to make further trouble for women.

And coincidentally this was at a time when it was becoming easier for women to get out & about and public places it was acceptable for them to go to. Funny that. There were a lot of contemporary reports of women being harassed when out & about at the time btw.

So just to be clear we are labouring against an historical background of profound disrespect for women as the reason why so many men feel entitled to appropriate women's time and attention.

https://paxvictoriana.tumblr.com/post/121935884808/scene-in-regent-street-philanthropic

How was your day out, OP? We want to know about the frescoes!

@HeySummerWhereAreYou I agree that if you did try to put him straight it would probably be badly received by his doting mother. Really, the father should be involved unless he really can't be (deceased or incapacitated) and his absence may well be a huge part of the problem here. But that would be a whole different thread.

These would be words I would use if some random man invited himself to something I was doing alone😂😂 not everyone’s social, not everyone enjoys speaking to strangers. How does she know how this strangers going to react? Maybe this man should stop assuming he can tag along with people.

This, nails it.

It seems the derailing of her thread put off @FrescoeDay from telling us about how she enjoyed her walkabout and evening.
It is like someone has torn out the final chapter. (Sigh)!

@ejm05

These would be words I would use if some random man invited himself to something I was doing alone😂😂 not everyone’s social, not everyone enjoys speaking to strangers. How does she know how this strangers going to react? Maybe this man should stop assuming he can tag along with people. women!

Corrected that for you! 😆 This kind of obnoxious man ONLY ever tries to tag onto women! He knows he will get a short shrift and a mouthful if he tries it with a man! Many men assume women are 'kind' and pliable, and will be afraid to say no him.