Is my dd being entitled?

[Funkyslippers]

Few years ago at a routine dental check up for dd, we enquired as to whether she needed braces. She was told no as her teeth were not 'bad' enough. I had braces on the NHS as a kid, 40+ years ago but they were removable, I don't remember having them for long & wore no retainers so as a result they are only slightly better than they were. I've recently become quite self conscious about my teeth so decided to go for Invisalign. I thought I'd treat myself as I've recently got a new job with better pay. When dd found out she threw a strop saying if I'm getting braces why can't she? I explained that I've had to wait a long time to get mine & I was actually told by my dentist that due to my overbite there's an increased risk of damage to teeth as I get older if I don't get them corrected. Fwiw dd's teeth are a little on the overcrowded side but you'd hardly notice unless you look closely. Is she just being a diva or AIBU?

How old is she? When she earns her own money she can pay for it, or you could try and get a second opinion on the NHS as my nephew was originally refused by one ortho and approved by another.

My teeth sound the same as yours and I've just finished invislalign and it was life changing- best of luck with it!

I don’t think your DD is being a diva or entitled. I think that’s a bit harsh.

I think you are being U to directly compare your experience with your DD’s. For example, you wrote that because you didn’t wear retainers (for whatever reason), your teeth are only a bit better than they were, and because you can now afford to, you’ve decided to get aligners. This is nothing to do with your DD - only your own circumstances and your own choices.

From what you’ve written, presumably your DD is a teenager and at school, so she is not working and therefore not earning any money, so she can’t fund her own dental treatment. Of course she’ll find it unfair and not nice that you are in a position to straighten your teeth but that she can’t have the same privilege.

Is there are any chance you could afford braces for your DD? I know they’re very expensive. I completely understand. But it will help with the general health of her teeth.

You mention she has overcrowded teeth, which is not just a cosmetic issue but also a health issue, as it may be difficult for her to clean her teeth properly. It may also get worse as she gets older. When I was a teenager,

I had braces on the NHS, which was great, but they only gave me a retainer for my top teeth as they said people would only see my top teeth anyway (when I smile).

Over time, my bottom teeth become more and more crowded, which made it really difficult to eat and to clean them.

I’ve now got Invisalign, similar to you, and it has been amazing. So helpful. It is very expensive, but it has been fantastic for the general health of my teeth and my confidence.

If there’s any way you are able to get braces for your DD, I reckon you should consider it. She will thank you.

If I’m honest, I think that as a parent dental care is your responsibility and I would have got her a brace after the first conversation with the dentist since finances clearly do allow for it.

I’m pretty surprised that you’d prioritise your own cosmetic dental treatment over that of your DD.

Im not generally one for martyring oneself for one’s DCs, but this seems really selfish of you.

I should have specified that I wasn't given retainers to wear. I'm not even sure they existed back then!

But I understand your points & I'm going to make an appointment for a 2nd opinion tomorrow

Thanks all

Dentist providing braces under the NHS - they're not needed
Dentist selling invialign with a hefty commission - wonder whether the opinion will be different?

I think dentistry has changed significantly in recent years, so you’re probably right about the retainers, but I am assuming you can understand the desire to have aligned teeth and a nice smile and it’s not diva-ish or entitled to want to have it (especially not in the shallow social media world children grow up in today).

I think braces aren’t really given under the NHS, without exceptional circumstances, so they are still something parents have to pay for since it’s cosmetic.

I'd put my DC before myself in this scenario honestly. I wouldn't do it in all scenarios but for dentistry yes.

Well since being told she didn't need one, I hadn't really thought about it. It's only tonight that she's said she's unhappy with her teeth. She's never mentioned it before and the slight overcrowding is not noticeable unless she smiles widely which she doesn't do often! She was even reluctant to let me see when I asked her, so I definitely haven't prioritsed mine over hers. I just looked into mine as I was advised to get my teeth fixed recently, presumably moving with age

Personally, as a parent, I'd prioritise braces for my daughter over Invisalign for myself, but to each their own.

I had train tracks fitted in my 40's.. Dd moaned hers were a bit squashed but didn't qualify for NHS. Didn't cross my my mind to prioritise a stroppy teen over my hard earned for cash paying for my own teeth done. I also had a big over bite. Dd can pay for hers to be made perfect when she can afford it.

I'd take her to an orthodontist and ask there whether braces would be useful for her, not at the standard dentist's at a check-up.

(I'm saying this as someone who was told by an orthodontist in my youth that I should get braces, but that this would require the extraction of 3-4 teeth. I didn't get the braces. Just to make it clear that perfect dental alignment is not my obsession!)

She's not being entitled just because she's going 'why are you getting this for yourself and not solving the equivalent problem for me?'

‘Being a diva’ for wanting to get her overcrowded teeth fixed? 🙁 please take her to an orthodontist as PP said above, ask them for their opinion on what sort of results she can expect from braces.

I don’t think either of you are being divas.

I understand why a child would think they should have the same entitlement to health and wellness resources as an adult. We tend to teach them they are, if anything, more important in that respect. And the impact of having it done early on in life is probably much higher than later.

No, she isn’t being a diva. Having crooked, overcrowded teeth would make any teenager self conscious, as would having braces when she is in her 20s and maybe finally able to pay for them herself.

You are the parent and as such responsible for your DCs dental work - and if her teeth are overcrowded it needs fixing.

When dd found out she threw a strop saying if I'm getting braces why can't she?

I would say yes that is entitled behaviour to expect she should get something just because you have!

You are the adult here paying for your own treatment. She is a child (or presumably teen) who doesn’t qualify for the treatment on the NHS, so when she gets a job she can also choose to pay for her own braces, it’s that simple.

I would put my dc first in this scenario 100%. No way would I get something for myself only that we both needed.

I'd get a second opinion for hers, one dentist said my DD wouldn't qualify, another did and she had them for 18 months on NHS.
I probably would also prioritise my DDs braces if she needed them but I don't need braces so it's a bit different. Teens can be extremely stroppy and ungrateful and my DD never bothered to wear her retainer until now, and only because she likes that it looks like a grill :S (she has the ones with a metal bar)
It's also good for your DD to see that you look after yourself tbh. I wouldn't get Invisalign though! Train tracks, the see through ones if you must but god Invisalign is so expensive and doesn't correct a lot a lot of the medical level problems, just cosmetic.

Almost no child will qualify on the NHS. Braces are very much an expense parents need to cover, despite NHS dentistry. It’s similar to glasses. You can get the NHS voucher for £80? (£90?) for glasses but as a parent you spend more to get frames your child likes, to reduce the width and weight of the glasses and to get them to be anti glare etc.

NHS braces - really only if a “need” if teeth impair speaking, eating / normal life functioning. They will say No, if not impacting life in this way.
Can always get them private. Invisalign are most expensive choice. Seems they are same price no matter how much work needs doing.
First visit, they photo your teeth, face & cost it up your choices.

Up to you if u want to pay, but don’t get her invisalign. Kids lose them.

I would get train tracks for both of you if at all possible financially, just her if not. I wouldn’t get Invisalign, train tracks will fix your teeth faster and better.

Bloody hell people on this post are being ridiculous!

Did you all miss the part where OP said she enquired as to whether DD needed braces and was told no because its only minor crowding that is hardly noticeable.

No wonder teens are so entitled and think the are owed all sorts. Private orthodontics is expensive and Mum has every right to treat herself. Just like if she wanted highlights, a facial, a new car - does that mean DD must receive these things too just because she wants them?!