Is my dd being entitled?

[Funkyslippers]

Few years ago at a routine dental check up for dd, we enquired as to whether she needed braces. She was told no as her teeth were not 'bad' enough. I had braces on the NHS as a kid, 40+ years ago but they were removable, I don't remember having them for long & wore no retainers so as a result they are only slightly better than they were. I've recently become quite self conscious about my teeth so decided to go for Invisalign. I thought I'd treat myself as I've recently got a new job with better pay. When dd found out she threw a strop saying if I'm getting braces why can't she? I explained that I've had to wait a long time to get mine & I was actually told by my dentist that due to my overbite there's an increased risk of damage to teeth as I get older if I don't get them corrected. Fwiw dd's teeth are a little on the overcrowded side but you'd hardly notice unless you look closely. Is she just being a diva or AIBU?

Overcrowding is something that needs to be sorted out. Can lead to tooth decay and gum disease, premature wear/tooth loss from unusual stress and also TMJ. In other words she runs the same risks as you OP.

Much better to deal with it when young.

My kids had braces - at a time when it was funded for all not straight teeth - the dentist told me even then that soon my youngest wouldn’t have met the requirements. Nowadays they’re even more stringent - which I think is a terrible shame as it impacts physically as well as mentally. There’s increasing understanding of how oral health impacts on physical. I will also say that I had awful teeth which put me off bothering with them much as a teen/even early 20s - but also of itself was affecting my gum health even had I been properly rigorous - it has taken a lot of corrections since and possibly impacted on inflammation levels I have overall.
My kids have later paid for some work of their own, as they must as adults, as they got older and as techniques advance and older work fails, one having Invisalign.
I think it’s a fairly basic requirement to support your kids with their teeth, as part of their health, obviously within the level affordable and reasonable. I would really help your daughter before yourself in this situation- and unlike a lot of mumsnet there are many, many things I wouldn’t think a child should have instead of me! But honestly it will impact on her overall health and well-being today and in the future, so it’s just a priority at the minute.

I was told I might need braces for overcrowding as a child, but over time my mouth caught up and I didn't need them after all. I was a little disappointed as I had psyched myself up for braces by that point.

I think there's a difference between (1) your DD needing braces and you spending the money you would have spent on hers on your own braces instead so that she can't get them, and (2) you getting braces before DD does, on the basis that she will get braces in the future it turns out she actually needs them.

With NHS dental care being as it is, I don't think it's reliable to assume that if the NHS won't fund something, it means it's not actually necessary - there are lots of things that aren't deemed "necessary" in the NHS-funding sense of the word but that would actually be the best course of action for a person if they have the resources to seek it privately.

I think your mistake here is simply not having realised what "not necessary" means from an NHS funding perspective, especially in NHS dentistry.

Seems the consensus is you’re being unreasonable op. You did ask.

so what will you do?

I don’t think she’s being entitled at all. Will be better to have her braces younger than when she’s an adult. Nice teeth are important.

My son didn't qualify for NHS treatment either. But I could clearly see his teeth were overcrowded and not quite straight. Personally, I think good teeth are really important and I wouldn't want him going through life knowing that his teeth weren't 'that bad but not perfect'.

I paid for him to have Invisalign. He's just finished his treatment and it was money well spent. He has a cracking smile now - he knows it and I think it every time! His teeth weren't bad enough for NHS braces but when I compare photos before and after his treatment the difference it has made is very clear...and not to mention the difference to his confidence.

I would have prioritised my child in your position.

If her crowding is only minor YANBU.

I had bad crowding and couldn’t get it through the NHS due to other issues with my teeth when I was younger and by the time they agreed to put me on the waiting list I turned 18 before I was seen and therefore no longer qualified. I ended up self funding braces myself in my early 20’s.

Funnily enough half the people I know who had NHS braces as a teen ended up paying for them again in their 20s anyway due to lack of retainer wear. I think when they have them that young and they are free they don’t care much for the aftercare/parents are less inclined to try and enforce it because they didn’t pay. Whereas everyone I know who self funded is religious with their retainer usage!

OP teeth need to last her another 40+ years!
So, she should have some priority …

I've just paid over £3k for my son to have braces. His teeth are not even borderline for NHS treatement, but in all honesty I'm probably over sensitive due to my own braces experience.

He's had train tracks. He could've have Invisilign, but that was double the price. He'll have them off in 6 weeks, and in total he'll have only had them on for less than 6 months (which demonstrates the small movement required!).

I've also considered braces for me, to sort out the issues not resolved in childhood. I would get Invisilign for myself though, and if that's selfish, then so be it.

Reconsider based on the next appointment. I'm not sure why people are piling on considering you already had a consultation and it sounds like she wasn't interested. I don't know why you're being berated for not being a mind-reader!

Can't you get another opinion on her teeth to see if she does need braces , just because they are not bad enough for the NHS doesn't mean they are not a problem . My dc needed braces clearly but wasn't bad enough for for the public system so had to go private and its worth every penny . I too had braces and did not continue using my retainer many years ago but I couldn't face traintracks again I would do invisalign if I had the means to, especially to prevent future dental problems.

The threshold is really high for NHS braces, > 4mm. It's ridiculous and the reason why English people have some of worst teeth in the world!

NHS Orthodontist visit:
After long long wait for appt for 11y.o. Boy, overbite & big protruding front teeth.
OrthoD asks what’s the problem?

Say “biggest issue is son has speech prob, a “lisp” since adult front teeth have come in. He is self conscious about the lisp, and his big teeth etc etc

Ortho uses a ruler, measure etc.
OrthD starts speaking now, he has an obvious lisp ….
He makes it 100% clear his opinion is that DS issues is “cosmetic” and does not think a lisp is any speech issue. Only one in town, no chance 2nd opinion.
went private.

This is very simply resolved.

"I am getting Invisalign because I'm an adult with a job and I'm buying it. When you are an adult with a job you may buy it too if you wish."

TBH, I would tend to prioritise my children within reason, but the details do matter.

You only get NHS orthodontics if you are level (I think) 4, which means a risk to health, like a massive overjet. And, even then, it can be incredibly slow and they don’t use the most modern materials.

Her teeth may not be that bad now, but they do tend to get worse with growth, of untreated. And, they do say the younger you start, the better the results.

I would find out how bad hers are and how bad yours are. If similar, I would prioritise her. If you are a lot worse, I can see a case for prioritising yourself. You can then explain to her clearly why you have made the decision.

Both mine currently have braces, at a cost of close to £12k, so it can be a tough decision.

Good luck with whatever you choose,

@ichundich It's ridiculous and the reason why English people have some of worst teeth in the world!

Yeah but we actually don't? Dental health is prioritised over dental appearance like in other places cough America cough.

Sorry, but they do - even high profile people like politicians who are in the public eye daily. Don't know about America, but compared to the EU, it's pretty bad (and not surprising given that NHS dentists have become like hens' teeth).

I think YABVU.

She’s at a self conscious age and you know she’s bothered by her teeth. All of her friends will be getting braces or will have had them, the ones who go without are very much in the minority these days. Of course she’s feeling like the odd one out.

If you simply couldn’t afford to get her teeth straightened than that’s fine, but to go ahead and spend £4k on yours (my DD had Invisalign too!) is completely unfair and rubbing it in her face in my opinion. There are far cheaper options out there than Invisalign, regular train tracks or ceramic braces for example which are half the price and would’ve enabled you to afford to get both your DD’s teeth and yours done.

I sacrificed luxuries to pay for DD’s orthodontist treatment when she was 14. As a parent that’s just what you do. Her teeth were not bad and didn’t quality for the NHS route but she was very self conscious of them. Her teeth will be with her for life so I believe that being happy and confident in your smile is very important - it was worth the money.

Has your child had Invisalign? Mine did - certainly no lost or unworn aligners here, treatment was very smooth and successful for us. Not all teens are irresponsible

You’ve been done. I paid £1800 for one and £2200 for the other

@Tralalaka ,

Probably could have found cheaper if we had shopped around but it does very much depend on the treatment required. And they work to our and, more importantly, our children’s convenience.

It would never have been anything like what you paid, though, the work is quite extensive, especially in one case, and they are avoiding ‘headgear’, which is mortifying for most children.

so Long as you go for metal braces our orthodontist a flat fee regardless of the work. I wonder if it’s because there are actually so many orthodontists around here that they can’t charge too much. The most expensive was about £3k

Well done. Step up for your parenting award 😂

Did you not even bother to read it. It was a few years ago the daughter,was seen, the op then went and decided to get braces recently, told her kid who got upset as she’s over crowing and needs them. The op thinks she’s a diva.

and no sorting your own kids out then yours isn’t selfish and not remotely the same.

what an odd post.

I have to say this sounds a bit narcissistic @Pandapandapandapandapanda - you shouldn't need to put down other people to your kids to make them think you're a good parent

Fucking hell, I can’t believe some of these replies and how selfish and uncaring some parents are. Straight, white teeth are basically a necessity IMO as they can be severely confidence affecting for young people as they’re one of the first things people see. I would absolutely prioritise getting my DD braces if I had the means. You’re prioritising your own image over your daughter's confidence and not only that, you think she’s an entitled diva for being upset.