Is my dd being entitled?

[Funkyslippers]

Few years ago at a routine dental check up for dd, we enquired as to whether she needed braces. She was told no as her teeth were not 'bad' enough. I had braces on the NHS as a kid, 40+ years ago but they were removable, I don't remember having them for long & wore no retainers so as a result they are only slightly better than they were. I've recently become quite self conscious about my teeth so decided to go for Invisalign. I thought I'd treat myself as I've recently got a new job with better pay. When dd found out she threw a strop saying if I'm getting braces why can't she? I explained that I've had to wait a long time to get mine & I was actually told by my dentist that due to my overbite there's an increased risk of damage to teeth as I get older if I don't get them corrected. Fwiw dd's teeth are a little on the overcrowded side but you'd hardly notice unless you look closely. Is she just being a diva or AIBU?

Ah thank you! Thats great to hear 😊

You are running out of time to get your teeth sorted. Your daughter has plenty. You are not being selfish.

My DD whinged and whinged about braces for years. Her teeth were perfect but she wouldn’t accept it and was forever highlighting some imaginary flaw. She laughs about it now she’s an adult and admits that she just hated the fact that all her friends had braces and she felt like the odd one out.

Was I wrong not to pander to her? My own bottom teeth were overcrowded at that age. They didn’t give me braces but removed my wisdom teeth when I was 18, and they all fell back into place.

Personally I’d pay for my daughter to have braces before me having them. My parents paid for mine and I’m forever grateful for that.

Do people really not think providing dental care (including braces) is a fairly normal part of parenting? We don’t get free dental here but all orthodontists seem to offer payment plans. We paid 400 odd (AUD) a moth for our daughters braces (13000 all up). But that’s my job as a parent to give her good teeth.

Even when a dentist has said they're not necessary??? What is wrong with you all? It's no wonder there are so many entitled young people around. Ignore these idiots OP.

I'm another one who would've got them for DD before getting them for myself. She clearly feels self conscious about them and you have the means to pay for it. As they're over crowded they will be more difficult to clean which may cause problems later on.

braces are popular with teenage girls
she is acting as expected imo

How do you "know" no dentist would say that?!

@ForGreyKoala to be fair, dentists don't really know if braces are necessary or not.

DD got referred by her dentist on the caveat that she might not be accepted as her teeth aren't that bad in his opinion. He could see there were some issues but in his opinion nothing major. I agreed with him , because they looked fairly normal to me too. We had the actual ortho appt and she's getting braces in two weeks.

I can't see your DD's age - sorry if I missed this somewhere, but I started skimming because of some of the slightly unnecessary nastiness.

For a different perspective: I had NHS braces as a teenager. However, when my wisdom teeth came in, they've jiggled the teeth I'd spent the best of 3 years having corrected back to sticking out a bit. They're not as bad as they started, but I am more than a bit annoyed that I went through years of train tracks and headgear and not eating and drinking what I wanted and struggling to sleep and pain every time they were tightened to not have straight teeth as an adult.

For this reason, if you are considering paying privately for braces for her, I would personally wait until her 20s when her wisdom teeth have come in and do it once and forever. Can start putting the money aside now and tell her it's there when the time comes.

Glad you said this. I came here to say the same!

Because I've already taken her for a dentist's opinion, and my teeth are quite a bit more overcrowded than hers

she is just being FOMO

Yes, probably

Even if she was accepted on NHS the wait is around 18 months on average. My daughter has had them fitted after 4 teeth being removed and a long wait.

If they are very overcrowded and need fixing rather than just cosmetic improvement then get a second opinion. If it’s just cosmetic and not something really noticeably upsetting then yes she doesn’t need this and like you she can learn to save to pay for it herself if she wants to later on. I hate it when friends’ spoiled adult kids now expect to get exactly what their parents have e.g. you’ve had a fancy holiday I should have one too, why are you buying a new dishwasher when I want something etc etc. It’s totally normal too for a teenager to try it on, but also fine for her to learn to save up and that you don’t get everything you want straight away.

If they are overcrowded, wouldn’t she need to have teeth removed before having braces? I had to have 2 top and 2 bottom adult teeth removed as a child. I don’t see how braces would help otherwise.

I had nhs braces when I was younger, I don’t think mine were particularly crooked. My teeth have stayed fairly straight, I had to wear a retainer at night for a while which seemed to do the job.
I spoke to our dentist about one of my children’s teeth as he has a fairly big gap between his front teeth. The dentist advised even if the gap stayed the same when all his adult teeth came through, his teeth wouldn’t be something that were considered ‘bad’ enough to be fixed on the NHS.
Even if my teeth had needed further correction I think I would still sort my child’s teeth first, if they are old enough to start treatment.
My son is really self conscious about the gap, and asks me on a regular basis if it’s getting smaller, he knows nothing will be done until all his adult teeth come through and into position.
Even if your daughter doesn’t mention her teeth much, I suspect her reaction and fact you said she doesn’t do big smiles means she’s unhappy with them.

Rarely is orthodontics ever entirely necessary. If this was the case then OP would be treated by the NHS, the fact that she isn’t tells you that like her DD it’s a cosmetic concern.

Sacrificing things to give your child a nice, straight smile to set them up for life is called parenting.

Not always the case anymore, thankfully. DD had some mild crowding and the orthodontist was able to use IPR (basically shaving off a few fractions of a millimetre in between her teeth) to gain the space that she needed.

According to our orthodontist, due to continued evolution many kids are born without wisdom teeth these days, my DD included. Proper retainer wear (for life) stops the teeth from moving. What happened to you was preventable I’m afraid - modern advice re: retainers has changed a lot for the better.

White straight teeth are a necessity. Nothing looks worse than crooked or stained teeth that weren’t cared for.

Rubbish. I’ve got a big nose, I’ve always been self-conscious about it and dreamed of having a small pretty nose. Should my mother have paid for surgery?

White, straight teeth are a modern construct, like a dainty nose or puffed-up lips. We’re told that’s how we’re expected to look and feel pressure to conform, instead of accepting our perceived imperfections.

White, straight teeth are absolutely not a ‘necessity’. They might be preferable, but you won’t die because a couple of your bottom teeth are a bit crooked. If there’s a medical reason for dental treatment then of course parents should make sure that the treatment is facilitated. But if it's very minor and cosmetic, the message we’re giving our children is “You are flawed. You’re not good enough how you are so we’re going to have you adjusted” which is an awful message for us to give them.

A big nose does increase your risk of gum disease, tooth decay, malocclusion, damage to tooth enamel, TMJ issues.