Is my dd being entitled?

[Funkyslippers]

Few years ago at a routine dental check up for dd, we enquired as to whether she needed braces. She was told no as her teeth were not 'bad' enough. I had braces on the NHS as a kid, 40+ years ago but they were removable, I don't remember having them for long & wore no retainers so as a result they are only slightly better than they were. I've recently become quite self conscious about my teeth so decided to go for Invisalign. I thought I'd treat myself as I've recently got a new job with better pay. When dd found out she threw a strop saying if I'm getting braces why can't she? I explained that I've had to wait a long time to get mine & I was actually told by my dentist that due to my overbite there's an increased risk of damage to teeth as I get older if I don't get them corrected. Fwiw dd's teeth are a little on the overcrowded side but you'd hardly notice unless you look closely. Is she just being a diva or AIBU?

I think your mistake here is simply not having realised what "not necessary" means from an NHS funding perspective, especially in NHS dentistry.

I think I do agree with this. It might be worthwhile going with your DD for assessments on what she might need done. You know from your own experience that it's better to get tooth problems addressed early on, rather than leaving it for many years. Also women's teeth can be further impacted by pregnancy and tooth decay can lead to health issues/heart problems as well? I'm sure you'd want to avoid the risk of further complications for your DD.

It's quite possible that she's felt her teeth aren't right for a long time, and has only been able to express her feelings now you've mentioned getting yours sorted. I certainly wouldn't want to rule out getting hers fixed and treating it as her problem, we generally want better for our children than we had ourselves.

I think the point is it’s not fine for the kid/teen to just throw a strop and demand something because Mums having it and they want it too.

Of course that’s rude and entitled behaviour.

Whether she would benefit from braces herself isn’t really the point here.
Most people would benefit from braces doesn’t mean they get to demand their parents pay for it.

Two sons. One would qualify for NHS braces, but a 2 1/2 year waiting list, and one wouldn't. When I looked into it, Invisalign are significantly cheaper than standard train track braces, and both sons felt self conscious about their teeth. So we have paid for both to go the Invisalign route. It didn't cross my mind to not pay for them as the NHS have really strict guidelines now and it ones of those things of parenting.

Train tracks would have been £3.5k each. Invisalign have been £4.5k for both (one child finishes his in two weeks and moves to a night retainer, the other needs them for longer so doesn't finish his for another 3 months)

Yes I did read it. I was offering my story and the outcome, that my kid had similar non-NHS requirement.

It was a few years ago - I had assumed that if the daughter's teeth had changed to require orthodontist work in the years since OP would have mentioned it? Would it have changed your mind if I told you I got mine costed up before his?

What is it you find so odd?

It depends of whether or not the DD would be having braces purley for cosmetic reasons or whether her less than perfect teeth will impact on her dental health in years to come. If its the former then there is no way I'd be paying for it any more than I'd be paying for a boob job!
It's not selfish of the OP to put herself first on this occasion and the DD can pay for her own cosmetic treatments herself when she's earning....

At our orthodontist train tracks are £2k, Invisalign are £4k - yours seem very expensive! DD had Invisalign too - we were so impressed

Our dentists doesn't do anything other than Invisalign so would have had to do it on referral to orthodontist.
.but yes, we've been REALLY impressed with Invisalign.

No, as I already said there are health issues involved with my teeth

Like I said, if it makes you feel better!

I can share a bit from my own experience. I have slightly crooked/overcrowded teeth. Not bad enough to need any treatment. But enough that I've ALWAYS been very aware of them and avoid smiling at all costs in social situations. I know it's stupid but i can't help it. It really did affect my professional and personallife. People often think i am grumpy/sad when i am not at all. My mom didn't get retainers for her instead of me, but still, to this day, i am upset my parents never even thought to address the issue.
Then life happened, and like you only now at 40-ish, i am in a position to do something about it. But it would cost a lot and i now have a dd of my own. I want her to have a better life than i did. So i am saving the money and when she needs retainers she can get them right away. So she can show off her beautiful smile to the whole world. Obviously once we win the euromilions, I'll get inivisalign too 😇

Why do you think it happened overnight? Where did I say or imply that?

2 different local dentists were doing an open day for Invisalign. I went to both on different days recently as I'd been thinking about doing it for while. Both said pretty much the sane thing and demonstrated on the 3d scan that my overbite could lead to more dental problems in the future

Does DD have an overbite?

You’re going to a regular dentist for Invisalign? Go to a proper orthodontist OP.

I am in a similar position to you. I had removable braces about 30 years ago, wasn't given a retainer and now my teeth do not look great and I'm very self-conscious when I smile.

My son's teeth are not perfect and he does not qualify for NHS orthodontist treatment. We've decided to prioritise his teeth as he's a child and he'll have a much longer benefit from treatment than I would. He'll start his (private) treatment later this year. I'mhoping to do mine in a few years time.

I would get a third opinion, as Invisalign will only help with mild to mild-moderate overbite, so if yours is causing dental issues it sounds like it is more than mild. We took independent advice as I was worried they were trying to sell me Invisalign

I am another one who had removable braces when a teenager and retainers were not a thing. Again, 30 years later and my teeth were starting to impact my jaw and bite so I had Invisalign.
DC teeth were starting to overlap at the bottom and because NHS treatment doesn't cover proactive treatment, we paid for the braces. Only have to look at parents and the grandparent to see genetics were not in their favour teeth straightness wise!!!

Well now I know who’s raising all the obnoxious teenagers I come across. Would people genuinely kowtow to a teen who has a hissy fit because they’re not getting something they feel entitled to have.

My DD12 has train track braces on the NHS ( only 6 month wait). She most definitely would have wanted Invisalign because they’re a brand and she is very influenced by anything she sees online ( she couldn’t tell you if they’re any good or not). She’s very brand orientated and if I let her she would be a bit entitled i think. Eg she thinks she should be shopping in Space NK because I bought something there. These are tendencies that I need to continually work on but I certainly wouldn’t be rolling over if she had a strop about it. I would happy to have a sensible conversation and perhaps start a savings plan for treatment because there’s nothing wrong with waiting for something that you want.

No

OP’s DD is not being entitled and asking for heavily influenced, expensive Invisalign - she’s simply asking for braces to straighten her smile as unfortunately unlike your DD she doesn’t quality for NHS treatment. There’s a difference.

By the way, Invisalign is great and not just a social media trend. DD had it when she was 14.

You went to open days for Invisalign and think that’s a good way to understand whether Invisalign is a good idea for you?

You really ought to go to a dentist who isn’t promoting a particular solution to find out what your options really are and what impact each would have.

My dentist recommended that my teeth should be straightened out but I have years of dental history there. I was also given the options of fixed braces/invisalign too as well as having the treatment there or elsewhere so they weren't heavily pushing it.
Invisalign was very effective for me however I was very disciplined in keeping the trays in all day and only removing for meals. Only have to look for threads here to see posters disappointed and also admitting for not wearing them for hours on end.

For me the key bit is you’re getting this done because your self conscious about it, no doubt teen dd feels the same way. If NHS won’t cover her dentist treatment you’ll have to have a conversation about how you would be able to budget for it but I don’t think she’s unreasonable to ask.

both my children are likely to need braces and I guess I better start saving based on comments here!!

All 3 of my kids have had expensive braces which luckily was mostly covered by insurance. If it wasn't I couldn't afford it. There is an obsession generally with perfect looking teeth I think and I got fed up with orthodontist saying oh let's do this and that for purely cosmetic reasons. At 60€ an appointment I felt it was a money making thing for them! Not sure what my point is, but do your own teeth and feel zero guilt !!! I don't think your daughter is entitled - just wants braces as sure so many of her friends do. This too shall pass! Goodluck

The NHS threshold for braces is ridiculously high and not being 'bad enough' doesn't she wouldn't benefit from braces. Since we don't know your or her teeth, it is difficult to say but I couldn't image prioritising my braces over that of my child if we both need (or would benefit) fro. them.