Is my dd being entitled?

[Funkyslippers]

Few years ago at a routine dental check up for dd, we enquired as to whether she needed braces. She was told no as her teeth were not 'bad' enough. I had braces on the NHS as a kid, 40+ years ago but they were removable, I don't remember having them for long & wore no retainers so as a result they are only slightly better than they were. I've recently become quite self conscious about my teeth so decided to go for Invisalign. I thought I'd treat myself as I've recently got a new job with better pay. When dd found out she threw a strop saying if I'm getting braces why can't she? I explained that I've had to wait a long time to get mine & I was actually told by my dentist that due to my overbite there's an increased risk of damage to teeth as I get older if I don't get them corrected. Fwiw dd's teeth are a little on the overcrowded side but you'd hardly notice unless you look closely. Is she just being a diva or AIBU?

Thank you 😊

OP said herself:

dd's teeth are a little on the overcrowded side but you'd hardly notice unless you look closely

That sounds purely cosmetic and very minimal so no obviously it won’t be covered on the NHS. In terms of crowding the NHS is only for moderate to severe crowding that impacts proper cleaning or maintenance of the teeth. It’s nothing to do with the ‘looks’.

Honestly I would have done it for my child first before myself.

Definitely not the case in my experience! 5 of my 7 children have had or been referred for braces on the NHS, 20 yr old had them at 13, 18 yr old got them at 15 (delay due to Covid), 16 yr old got them at 14 and got them off 2 weeks ago, 13 year old currently has them and 11 year old was referred a few months ago and getting them just before Christmas.
Only two of them had what I would say were really bad teeth, the others were just a bit wonky or a bit of an overbite. It must depend on where you live and how generous they are with funding as round here it seems that majority of teenagers do have braces, and NHS ones at that, it’s more unusual for my children’s friends to have not had them than to have them.

A professional IE a dentist says the op's dd isn't in NEED of dentistry work done...

Just like if she wanted highlights, a facial, a new car

Comparing braces to highlights (which absolutely nobody on earth needs), facials and cars is ridiculous.

She doesn’t NEED braces. Shes already been seen by a dentist and they said it’s minimal crowding that’s obviously cosmetic.

The crowding may get worse as she gets older though. So it’s not just a cosmetic concern - also a health concern.

Have you thought that the reason she doesn't smile widely is because^^ she is conscious about her teeth? Irrespective of whether the dentist thinks the slight overcrowding is an issue, your daughter seems to think it is.

I'd have prioritised my child. I don't think she's being a diva and I do think you're being a bit unreasonable. Sorry, OP. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I can totally understand why you were surprised but I don’t think she’s being a diva and I think your new plan is a good one. I suspect it’s quietly been upsetting her for a while and seeing you feel as if it’s worth acting on your own teeth made her feel like you cared less about hers - not true, of course, but a painful feeling. I’m sure there’s a good middle ground to be found here where you can both have good reason to smile and feel good when you do :)

This is so untrue it's really not that difficult to get NHS braces and much will depend on your dentist/ ortho.

Not in my town!

please tell this woman who to see to get free braces!

I would pay for braces for my children if they wanted them, it's very difficult to get them on the NHS. DH did it for DSS (after I persuaded him, his teeth were dreadful so he probably would have qualified on the NHS but wait times post covid were awful) , i thought the price was really reasonable for the standard 'train track' style braces. He paid interest free over 12 months and it was done. I wouldn't pay for Invisalign for a teen though!

I can't imagine doing this in a million years. Of course she is upset. She will know her peers parents do these things and you've chosen not to for her, not because you can't but because you've chosen your own vanity over her happiness.

Overcrowding should still be corrected. We do the minimum in this country to kid’s teeth. Why shouldn’t they look good from a cosmetic point of view?

Posters slating op for not getting daughter braces… the dentist said the daughter didn’t need them. I’m confused by the outrage

I think you are being unreasonable not to get braces for your DD tbh.

I paid 3k for my DC’s braces and their teeth were only slightly crooked. Not covered on the NHS.

You’re in your 40’s put your DD first. It is better the younger you are. Get her braces before you splurge on yourself.

Most dentists let you do 0% deals.

I love showing posts like yours to my kids to demonstrate just how self centred some parents are.

I would at least get an appt and an estimate.

The NHS dental service is pretty skeletal. There's plenty of scope for them to be quite bad without being bad enough to qualify for NHS treatment. If we all told our mentally unwell DC that they didn't need any intervention because CAMHS said they weren't bad enough, the suicide rate in this country would go up. Women who have had cervical cancer no longer meet the NHS criteria for someone to look at their smear test cells, unless they first test positive for HPV. There are massive needs now going unmet round the edges of what reaches the NHS criteria.

Your last sentence makes me rage! I can't imagine showing my dds posts on here from mums who you feel are 'so self centred'! "Look at this stupid person on Mumsnet, children, so self centred, oh here's another one, but I'd never be like that because I'm perfect so you don't have to worry!"
If it makes you feel better about yourself, crack on. Unbelievable

Except that this is being told to them by an NHS dentist who has a vested interest in saying no and it doen't necessarily mean she doesn't need them, just that shes not bad enough to qualify for it publically. If invisalign is so expensive maybe OP can afford 2 sets of train track braces with some scrimping. OP has enough concerns about her own teeth to do this expensive fix but thinks her DD is entitled to think her teeth should get fixed too. I needed braces as a teen, not bad enough to qualify for publicly and we couldn’t afford private, it's had a serious impact on my teeth, I've had a lot of fillings because of over crowding and am very self concious about how my teeth look. The public dentist said I didn't need braces, whether they were cost cutting or simply didn't know enough because they weren't an orthodontist the outcomes still the same. Decades of problems with my teeth.

You show your kids posts on mumsnet?

I’d always prioritise my child over me, so I’m also dismayed by your attitude, and your answer of well I had to wait a long time and am treating myself is shit.

you know she needs braces, just shes not bad enough for the nhs to pay for it.

i mean you do you. Enjoy your braces.

Well I can’t imagine telling my kid she couldn’t have braces as I was doing my own teeth first, treating myself and I had to wait a long time so so should she.

think yours is worse.

Well if you've bothered to read the short threat on this you'll see I'm taking her for a 2nd opinion. But yes, the chances are I'll get mine first, if we decide she does need them. There's nothing wrong with that. I've been told by 2 dentists pretty much the same thing that there's a good chance my teeth will be more damaged if I don't act fairly soon. I know no dentist is going to tell my dd that. Are you saying that every child that doesn't have perfect teeth should get a brace, regardless?