Is my dd being entitled?

[Funkyslippers]

Few years ago at a routine dental check up for dd, we enquired as to whether she needed braces. She was told no as her teeth were not 'bad' enough. I had braces on the NHS as a kid, 40+ years ago but they were removable, I don't remember having them for long & wore no retainers so as a result they are only slightly better than they were. I've recently become quite self conscious about my teeth so decided to go for Invisalign. I thought I'd treat myself as I've recently got a new job with better pay. When dd found out she threw a strop saying if I'm getting braces why can't she? I explained that I've had to wait a long time to get mine & I was actually told by my dentist that due to my overbite there's an increased risk of damage to teeth as I get older if I don't get them corrected. Fwiw dd's teeth are a little on the overcrowded side but you'd hardly notice unless you look closely. Is she just being a diva or AIBU?

Of course the dentist is going to tell you that. They’re looking to make money and Invisalign is a quick + easy buck for them. If your teeth have been fine for your entire adult life then the overbite isn’t going to suddenly cause problems that necessitates having orthodontic treatment ASAP.

If your DD has crowding then that makes teeth harder to clean, more bacteria gets trapped due to the tight spaces and therefore puts her at risk of early decay. Frankly, I’d be prioritising a young teenager’s oral health and self esteem. Her teeth are going to need to last another 70+ years!

Just to clarify, did the dentist say she doesn't need them or that she wouldn't qualify because her teeth aren't "bad enough"?

Is he also an orthodontist?

Not only is it ridiculously high, the criteria has changed so some kids had the initial consultation but by the time they got to the top of the waiting list, they were no longer eligible for NHS funding.

So you had your braces on the NHS, your daughter hasn't even had that opportunity. I would prioritise hers first, the threshold for braces on the NHS now is so high

It isn’t possible to always prioritise your kids?!

It probably is but I don't think it's healthy to prioritise your kids in everything. We all have needs and sometimes prioritising ourselves is beneficial

@Funkyslippers - you mentioned "a few years ago" on your OP. Has the situation with DD's teeth changed significantly since then? She might become eligible. We paid £2500 privately for ceramic braces - is that affordable?

Getting your child dental treatment to ensure they have ok teeth is not “prioritising your child in everything” 🙄.

No, it not healthy to prioritise your child’s desire for an iPhone 16 over the bills, or their wanting to stay at the park for 4 hours instead of 2 so you miss a rare lunch with your friends-

but putting their need for dental work before yours isn’t in that category.

It is, because my dental work is necessary and hers isn't

But can you say with all certainty that is the case? I wish my teeth had been fully sorted when I was younger and that was with parents who'd have supported everything that they knew about at the time. Correcting hers now with frequent ortho fine tuning would be better than missing GCSE school work for example.

I don’t think she’s being a diva. I would explore whether her teeth have been bothering her without her saying before now, as she didn’t think there was an option to do anything about it, while you getting Invisalign shows her there is the possibility.

I was aware my daughter’s teeth were a little crooked, and also that she was not smiling widely and was self conscious. The dentist offered a referral but couldn’t say if she would qualify for NHS and waiting times were two years just to find out. By travelling to the next city I found a practice who would tell me if she qualified and could wait for her turn on the NHS or if not were very reasonable for private costs.

They advised she didn’t qualify but offered a reduced price for children, so it is only £1650 for metal train tracks, while for an adult it is £3300, Invisalign was the same price for kids or adults (over £4000). That made it seem very worthwhile doing it now rather than as an adult.

I would also check out if she is up for the commitment of retainers for life and genuinely consider if she has a point about wanting her teeth straightened. If you think they are good, tell her so and it’s easy to justify you needing it rather than her wanting absolute perfection if she’s pretty close already.

I don't think she's being entitled either. There is a big gap between straight teeth and bad enough to get treatment on the NHS.

DS1 is currently on the long waiting list at the dental hospital as he has some quite serious issues and we were told even when he was about 8 that he'd probably get NHS braces. The wait is really long, so we did ask if it was bothering him too much now but he said we should save our money and wait! Our dentist isn't sure if many private orthodontists would deal with teeth like his anyway.

Around here, I think you can pay about £65 for an orthodontist appointment privately, then if the child would qualify for NHS treatment they can add you to their NHS list. If not they offer all sorts of packages with the cheapest being metal train tracks and appointments during school hours. Most offer some payment plans too.

I think you should certainly offer her an appointment if she is concerned about her teeth, but explain that if they feel braces are appropriate then you would probably go for train tracks as they are about half the price (assuming you could fund this if necessary).

No- none of it meets the NHS criteria for intervention, otherwise you wouldn’t be ‘treating yourself’ to invisiline, you would be having nhs treatment.

Wow!! What a vile person you are. Showing your kids posts to show what a good parent you are... someone who is horrible to people online. Well done parent of the year.

@Funkyslippers Get yourself the braces!! Why shouldn't you put yourself first for once. Ignore all the horribleness comments people are really unnecessarily horrible on this site at times.

OP it's your money, fix your teeth. You don't need to be putting yourself in risk of future issues for cosmetic work for her.

Your DD may well not realise braces are actually quite painful and things like invisalign require a lot of commitment! The teeth cleaning, what she'd need to cut out, you absolutely need to keep using retainers. Would she actually carry the case with her to school and out with friends, remove them every time she wanted to eat, and brush her teeth and floss before putting them back on?

You can't rely on a child to commit to it and stick to it. You don't want to be harassing her to take care of them. Fix your own teeth, show her everything it involves. Take her for second opinion for NHS treatment. If not you can always offer to save for her treatment after and age depending she can get a job to save half herself.

I don't have an NHS dentist anywhere near where I live so had to go private. So I chose the option I felt was the best. I can think of mu h better ways to treat myself but this is the most pressing

Thank you so much. I appreciate this

Thank you. I've said to dd that once I've finished my treatment she'll know my experience of Invisalign & we can see if she might like it in a couple of years or so. I wouldn't trust her to look after the trays at the moment, she's always losing things 😊

Why not just get her regular braces now then instead of making her wait for years with crooked teeth? Cheaper and easier. No teen needs Invisalign, it is very much a luxury - and that’s coming from a parent who invested in it for my then 14yo DD.

She'd be an adult by the time she gets invisalign, if she chooses to go down that route

I got invisalign from a company called tooth fairy - it was loads cheaper and my teeth have gone from being gappy and sticking out all over the place to lovely and straight and I'm finally confident in my smile aged 46! Go for it OP! (As a side note, I did have to pay for both my kids braces too but the orthodontist did kids braces for half price and there was a payment plan too) Enjoy your new smile🙂

Fixed braces will be more effective on her teeth and more cost effective too.

You say DD doesn't actually need braces but she just wants them. That's selfish of her and yes, she is being a diva. You've waited a long time to improve your smile so why shouldn't you focus on yourself. It's not like you're causing any suffering in your child. She's treating getting braces like getting a new pair of trainers. You go for it.

A self conscious child is selfish? You sound delightful.