AIBU to insist my son does his homework on the day he gets it?

[orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements]

DS has just started secondary school. I did make it clear to him that we will be taking homework seriously and that I will be stricter on a few things once he starts secondary school, he will be expected to take more responsibility and in return will get more freedom. I've been slowly trying to get him used to this over the last few months of primary and during the summer holidays.
His primary school didn't give out homework so it's new to him.

He's just been issued with his first piece of homework today. Once he arrived home (he cycles independently) and settled in a bit I reminded him he has homework (the school makes parents aware through an app) and told him that he needs to do it tonight. He was very resistant to this and said he has a week to do it so doesn't need to do it tonight. I said our rule for home, from me and his dad, not from the school, is to do homework on the day you get it so it doesn't mount up. Get it out of the way straight away - that's what I expect of him. He's not happy and says it's a stupid rule.

AIBU?

It's not a bad idea in theory but in practice a lot of kids have extra-curricular activities that they do after school so how would it work in those circumstances?

Well it is a stupid rule, he’s growing up, he needs to be able to learn to manage his time himself. There’s no need to do it the night you get it, as long as it’s done before the deadline. All you forcing it to be done right now means it that he will rush it in defiance. You need to help him grow up, not try and dictate to him like he is 5.

He needs to learn to self regulate. I never once did my homework on the day I got it. If I was tired or not in the right head space then the work would be of lesser quality.

He doesn't though.
School clubs haven't started yet and his only interest is air cadets which he starts after Christmas.

Surely the best way for him to learn how to manage his time is to try himself and then face the consequences if he doesn't get it done in time?

I agree… I assumed that you were insisting on him doing it the night he got it because you’d had years of him not doing it on time.
You’re not even giving him one single chance to use his initiative.

Yeah, you sound totally inflexible.

Pick your battles. As long as it IS done, does it really really matter when he does it? Or do you just want to win the argument at all costs?

Surely it doesn't matter if it done today or even the lesson before its due, and if its of a poor standard and he has redo it or get a detention that's on him.

There's going to be a LOT bigger hills to die on than this

In theory, that sounds great. In practice, he needs to learn to manage his own workload. Also, sometimes the work is expected to take longer to allow for additional research etc, so keep that in mind.

Also agree, sometimes they have other activities.

To be honest he’s been at school all day and cycled home. He can’t have been home long before you started getting on at him about homework so I’m not surprised he’s irritated!

if you want him to take responsibility leave him to manage his own homework and then let him deal with the consequences if he doesn’t get it done. You are micro managing which to me seems the opposite of teach him to take responsibility

The whole idea of homework is that he learns to work independently , without an adult telling him what to do.

It's literally the entire purpose of homework.

Let him to it, if he finds himself panicking at the last minute he'll know to avoid that next time .

What extra freedom is he getting? Forcing him to do it on the day sounds like less freedom, not more.

I'd have thought managing his own workload is a really key skill he needs to develop for himself.

As well as the managing his own time thing, it's better for learning to leave it a day or two and then revisit the topic - Google 'spaced learning'!

The problem is many teachers give supplementary information after setting the homework so sometimes it’s better to wait.
I’d just set aside a time for homework or reading later in the evening

I think it's sensible if he's a compliant boy and it is good practice before it mounts up and is overwhelming having to do it all on Sunday night or something!

Whether it's enforced by you if he is resistant is another matter - what consequences will you give at home if he doesn't do it the night it's set? The natural consequence at school is a detention if it's not done by the deadline so he may learn the hard way?

Part of having homework is having to learn how to manage deadlines and workloads. That can be as important as the actual work itself. You need to allow him to learn these skills for himself. No good will come from nagging or pressurising him repeatedly. Just patience, kindness and advice if it begins to go awry.

Speaking from sad experience, you don't want his school work and homework issued to be forever tied up and intrinsically linked with a desperation to satisfy or appease an angry parent. I am nearly 50 now and never feel that I am ever good enough for anything. That was the lesson I learned.

You’re being ridiculous. His home work, his responsibility.

Haha. Wait til he gets 4 assignments on one day. Even if they're not due for a week you're going to sit him down and make him work all night? Fucking hell 🤣

I let mine choose to do it at the weekend fair they don't start the next week with h/w outstanding . Also if I am aware there are a few pieces I encourage to get one or two out of the way in the week. Works for us

On the other hand - my experience of boys is that they put it off to the last possible minute then rush it or forget it.

We had to crack the whip because of this - and I regret not having insisted on this right from the start, with an exception for the evening when his afterschool activity made it awkward.

My secondary children did most of the homework at weekends.

Your child need to plan for himself.

You’re being ridiculous. His home work, his responsibility.

OK but what if he gets 4 assignments the next day too? or every day? it's just going to mount up if he doesn't get it out of the way