AIBU to insist my son does his homework on the day he gets it?

[orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements]

DS has just started secondary school. I did make it clear to him that we will be taking homework seriously and that I will be stricter on a few things once he starts secondary school, he will be expected to take more responsibility and in return will get more freedom. I've been slowly trying to get him used to this over the last few months of primary and during the summer holidays.
His primary school didn't give out homework so it's new to him.

He's just been issued with his first piece of homework today. Once he arrived home (he cycles independently) and settled in a bit I reminded him he has homework (the school makes parents aware through an app) and told him that he needs to do it tonight. He was very resistant to this and said he has a week to do it so doesn't need to do it tonight. I said our rule for home, from me and his dad, not from the school, is to do homework on the day you get it so it doesn't mount up. Get it out of the way straight away - that's what I expect of him. He's not happy and says it's a stupid rule.

AIBU?

Agree with him when he will do it, and hold him to it.

I took the view that in primary school, I managed the homework and I also did extra bits of reading, times tables etc with them but that in senior school they have to manage it themselves.

Their schools both have apps that clearly show them when homework is due and they need to manage their homework themselves.

DD2 is a superstar with homework (she's never handed in anything late), DD3 manages well (from memory had two things handed in late in Yr7 last year) it's DD1 (18) that's the nightmare for not handing in work. And I'm not micro-managing her at 18.

Personally, I would leave them to manage it themselves and only get involved if it becomes an issue.

Such weird casual sexism on this thread. I was a last-minute homework person for sure (and I'm female). Could never see the point of doing anything until the night (or morning) before the deadline. Never got into trouble, had a stellar academic career. I'm always grateful that my mum said I could do whatever I wanted about my homework so long as she never got a call from the school about it.

It's a good habit to get him into if you can. We used to do School, home, snack, homework, play about or TV or sport practise, dinner, shower, bed.

What if he's a reflector and wants to think about it, first?
What if he needs to do homework with others?

Best to let him learn to manage his time, with your input and advice, rather than imposing a schedule.

He might be pressure prompted and do his best work when the deadline looms! (Like me!)

Air cadets is year 8 and above, isn’t it?

I wouldn’t follow or set your rule. We don’t have the sorts of brains that would enable it to be achieved.

you risk turning homework into a battle ground.

ensure he has space to do it, ensure he knows when someone will be able to help him if needed. For now remind him calmly it is there. If he doesn’t do it, or rushes it and doesn’t do it well enough he will have to face the consequences at school - that’s part of learning!

I still don’t. About to graduate with a first based solely on last minute all nighters (whilst managing more than full time work, family etc).

And all this "girls plan better, boys leave it" crap 🤣

I was regularly doing my homework on the bus by Year 9, my brother had his all sorted and done

FWIW I never got detention for no homework because I had learnt how to do it quickly but efficiently (or, by 6th Form, what ways I could lie for it not being done and get away with it) and because in class I was an excellent student. I also have a degree, a job and multiple other responsibilities. So it's not done me any harm and probably taught me other life skills instead!

When I was at secondary, some days we would get homework from three or four subjects, and other days we would get none.

You need to rethink.

I let mine manage their own homework, maybe the odd don't you have homework to do? It tends to get done without issue. On the odd occasion it's not then they face the consequences of not doing it. That's how they learn iny opinion

Getting it done is a good habit to get into but I think you’re being a bit rigid, especially just declaring “these are the house rules like it or lump it” without discussion. Better for him to learn himself, with guidance. You’re not giving him any ownership of it at all. They tend not to really “get” the “don’t leave it till last minute” till they have last minute problems. Got to learn a bit for themselves

Christ. Poor kid. Are you going to stand over him and watch him do it too? This is how you end up with a stressed child, stop putting too much pressure on him.

I regularly got 4 bits of homework a day in year 7 tbf, it was peak homework year for some reason. I did it on the bus on the day it was due nothing's changed

I think that as it's his responsibility OP, he’ll have to remember to do it himself and face the consequences if he doesn’t.

It's usually for 12 year olds that are in year 8. However, he's extremely keen and absolutely obsessed by aviation, he has been since he was 7. Air cadets could see how keen he was and offered to take him before year 8, but couldn't bend the 12yo rule because of insurance. That's why we are waiting until after Christmas.

@ItTook9Years I'm still exactly like that too. I have a 10,000 word report due in on Monday and I've spent a lot of today doing completely unrelated things!

Not a good idea.

Reasons why this is not a good idea:

Some homework is long and involved. This is best left for the weekend when they are not tired after school,

Some homework timetables mean that lots of homework is set on one day but various pieces are due in tomorrow/the day after/next week. If he gets six pieces of homework that will take hours and hours it's unreasonable to do it all on the day it is set. It should be spread out.

It is funny. My parents pretty much let me get on with it homework wise, even though I’m chronically disorganised. They were always on at my younger brother about it though, and he’s much better at getting stuff done than me.

Wow. DD has been obsessed with planes since she was 2 but they still made her wait till year 8. She’s having a blast there though.

The rules are silly though.

YABU to "make him" or impose "your rules" about the 'best' way to manage his time on him.

Some people like to 'power through' everything they have to do, then relax.
Some people like to come in from work (school in his case) and have a complete break - be that resting / watching tele / playing a sport / cooking / whatever, then feel in a better frame of mind, to start the next challenge.
Some people work really well to deadlines, but struggle to get motivated before that.
Some people like to get everything out the way as quick as possible.
Some people get waves of energy and lethargy and will do something much better when in the right frame of mind.

What your job as a parent is, is to help him learn to manage his own time and to recognise that his way of doing things is probably unlikely to be the same way you would do things.

By all means, suggest what you consider to be good habits. By all means show him how work will pile up if he leaves everything. Definitely let him take the detention or whatever if he doesn't get something done on time - that will be his learning curve. As parents, our job is to provide them with things like the space to work, and the knowledge of different options, but then to stand back and let them work it out.

Aw glad to hear she's having a good time! I've heard great thing, can't wait for him to start.

You know your son and his character best, not all children are self-motivated at this age or able to quickly learn from consequences. It's your responsibility in this situation to guide him, and help him learn how to make sensible decisions and plan his commitments. At 11yrs old most parents still need to be very involved, and having a rule like this will start him off with good habits. However, do be aware that you also will need to model flexibility to changing situations. Expect to be gradually less directing and allow him to experience more and more responsibility, so that each academic year develops these life skills further.

I’d let him manage his homework’s himself. I did once mine went to secondary school. If he hands it in late or doesn’t do it then the consequences are on him and him alone. A gentle reminder and let him crack on. You’re encouraging his independent which is only ever a good thing.

I don't think my parents had a bloody clue what homework I had by the time I was in high school, never mind whether I actually did it or not. It was my work to do in my own time. If I didn't do it, the school would dish out the consquences - it had nothing to do with them.