AIBU to insist my son does his homework on the day he gets it?

[orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements]

DS has just started secondary school. I did make it clear to him that we will be taking homework seriously and that I will be stricter on a few things once he starts secondary school, he will be expected to take more responsibility and in return will get more freedom. I've been slowly trying to get him used to this over the last few months of primary and during the summer holidays.
His primary school didn't give out homework so it's new to him.

He's just been issued with his first piece of homework today. Once he arrived home (he cycles independently) and settled in a bit I reminded him he has homework (the school makes parents aware through an app) and told him that he needs to do it tonight. He was very resistant to this and said he has a week to do it so doesn't need to do it tonight. I said our rule for home, from me and his dad, not from the school, is to do homework on the day you get it so it doesn't mount up. Get it out of the way straight away - that's what I expect of him. He's not happy and says it's a stupid rule.

AIBU?

I also insisted that my son did some homework every night to keep on top of things, so if he had, say, 3 activities assigned on Monday, he would do 1 on Monday, 1 on Tuesday and 1 on Wednesday. The date it's due doesn't matter - it's best to do it as soon as it's given while the lesson is still fresh in your mind.
People saying that he should learn to manage his own work are missing the point. By insisting that your son tackles things when he gets them you are teaching him to manage the workload. Nothing worse than leaving stuff to the last minute, then missing a deadline because something has happened, IE you get a migraine on the last night before you have to hand it in.

When I was in school mam said. When you get homework it's your responsibility to do it. If you need my help you can ask and I'll always have time for it, to help you figure it out or plan for it. If you don't ask for my help I'll trust you to do it. If you don't do it and get detention don't come to me, it's your responsibility to me afterwards crying because if you don't prioritise it the consequences will be all on you. And tbh I didn't always do it the day I got it but I did learn to be responsible and plan it in a way that suited me

I think you are being a bit inflexible - surely if you want him to be more responsible and take ownership of getting his homework done, then you need to leave him to decide when to do it? We advised our eldest on the pros of doing homework as it comes in, when he started secondary school, but we didn’t force him to do his homework the day it was set. We had a chat with him and together identified good days / times for homework as he does a lot of after school sports and out of school sports training too. He’s in year 9 now and has never had any issues, all homework done on time and only twice in 2 years have we had a panic of doing things last minute (one was maths revision for a term-end exam that he had forgotten about and one was some French homework that wasn’t set on the app so he didn’t realise it had been stuck into his book - he did it in the car on the way to school!).

Good idea in theory but maybe not so much in practice. One secondary my son had a couple of teachers set a weekly homework on a set day, occasionally before the whole topic was taught so it wouldn't have worked for us.
However your school might align itself with your thinking. Your right to keep ahead of it though as a small slip can slowly extend to a chasm.

I remember quite clearly my DD being so upset and scared at the amount of homework she got in her first week of senior school, she was sobbing and saying she didn't realise 'it would be like this'. I had to help her calm down and then show her how to work out priorities, as in which tasks needed to be in soonest, so they needed to be completed first. It's overwhelming at first so he might just need a bit of extra support until he gets organised, and don't worry he won't be the only one

I think ‘don’t leave for tomorrow what you can do today ‘ is quite a helpful rule to go by in life in general. I personally think doing tasks as soon as I can frees up my mind, otherwise it’s always lurking in the background. Getting a teenager to agree with that isn’t going to easy though

Could you not have a discussion and explain why it's good in the long run to spend time every night on homework?

He needs to learn to manage his own time, yes, but it sounds like he needs guidance about how to do it.

Yep! ⬆️🤣

Part of growing up is learning to prioritise. My son always had multiple pieces of homework on his plate at any one time - some due in a day or so & some anything up to 2 weeks later; he often did the quick &/or easy stuff first, then focused on the bigger projects. You have to let them work it out - you can't micromanage them - it's exhausting for you & suffocating for them.

It is an opportunity to learn prioritisation too. I.e. planning for deadlines and homework that is a project that will take stages. It may not be advantageous to do it the day he gets it of one day he gets 6 pieces and the others he gets none, then 1 or 2 per night will help with planning skills and avoiding burn out

Each to their own but homework is a non-stress for me.

When I finish work for the day I’m finished and would not be happy if I had to log back on, same goes for my kids. It’s already such a big day for them and that’s our time as a family.

OK - So what is he going to do in that situation when he does start this activity? Are there any other parents who do this? We are all here telling you you're being ridiculous, controlling, and a little bit abusive from my perspective of someone who works in mental health and with a degree in it. Why are you so persistent he does it on the night? Children have been doing homework for years - This is nothing new. You need to back off. First it's homework, then it will be friends, partners, and what he does with his own kids. Stop now before you cause a lot of damage later on in life and let him learn independently. You are trying to discipline a child whom has done nothing wrong.

What on earth? Have you read all OP's posts? She's already updated that she's relented.

Yes it is stupid. Look at the deadlines for each piece of homework and help him plan when he's going to do it. Some subjects have a limit on how much they can give. If it's a subject you only do once a week, they will presume you can get it done but it might be given on the same day as subjects that need to be done in two days. As a teacher I'd let students know how long they have to do it. It might be two days or the following Thursday. Some kids find doing homework on a Sunday afternoon the most productive and leave anything non-urgent until then. And some days you're just far too tired to do any at all. Aim to keep Friday night and the whole of Saturday free too.