AIBU to insist my son does his homework on the day he gets it?

[orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements]

DS has just started secondary school. I did make it clear to him that we will be taking homework seriously and that I will be stricter on a few things once he starts secondary school, he will be expected to take more responsibility and in return will get more freedom. I've been slowly trying to get him used to this over the last few months of primary and during the summer holidays.
His primary school didn't give out homework so it's new to him.

He's just been issued with his first piece of homework today. Once he arrived home (he cycles independently) and settled in a bit I reminded him he has homework (the school makes parents aware through an app) and told him that he needs to do it tonight. He was very resistant to this and said he has a week to do it so doesn't need to do it tonight. I said our rule for home, from me and his dad, not from the school, is to do homework on the day you get it so it doesn't mount up. Get it out of the way straight away - that's what I expect of him. He's not happy and says it's a stupid rule.

AIBU?

How do you know that the homework in question can be done in one evening?

If he has a week to do it in and rushes at it to fulfill the house homework rules .....he might make a hash of it by rushing

We have the same rule in this house. We have had this in place since the oldest two (in their 20's now) were in Grammar school.

It prevents homework's being overlooked and as the youngest says it is easier to do
It when the information is fresh in his head.

Kids who have only started Secondary school need to learn how to study and be organised. I worked with all of them to help them find a technique that suited them.

If they had an after school activity they were still able to do homework. I don't know why so many people are having a go at you. It works

Because I can see it on the app. It's piss easy. It will take 5 minutes.

The problem with this rule is that if one day, 4 teachers all set home work then he is going to have a very long night and the quality of the work will deteriorate as he gets tired. The next day he might be set no homework so he won't get into a regular habit of doing work. Also at secondary school he needs to learn to self manage. You coming down on him like a ton of bricks isn't teaching him anything about managing his own work load. It's a big transition to secondary school, do you really think it's in anyone's best interests to upset your son by being so overly rigid?

You are the parent. You make the rules.

Don't start locking horns over this.
Suggest he sets a reminder in his phone a day before it's due in, that way if he hasn't done it by then he gets a reminder with enough time to do the work.
Reward him not getting demerits for late homework. Extra pocket money per week perhaps?

Me and DH have disagreed on this in the past. He thinks the same as you. I think that he needs to learn to manage his time - and if he gets penalised for failing to do so, then that's a natural consequence of disorganisation. They've got apps these days, so there should be no reason to have to be on their back reminding them always.

Dh and I resolved to just say no xbox until he's completed any homework due in imminently.

I was going to say not all boys as DS2 was pretty good with homework but the I remembered DS1 who was always last minute and rush. I’m a fairly “well it’s you that’s got to face your teacher so up to you” kind of person but did step in and draw the line when I caught him using size 18 font on a word document so he could meet the criteria of completing one full page 🤣

Ours have tended to do it fairly soon after it was set. We looked at the timetable and when it was due to help them be able to plan. Let's just say that when they left it to pile up, there was a bit of a panic and didn't know where to start so it was a useful learning experience for them.

He’s 10/11- he’s not going to get 4 every day. Honestly, back off. He has another 10 years potentially of education ahead of him, don’t start it off with everything being a battle with you as well. He’s growing up, let him make his own decisions. The day he forgets or is late he will face the punishment of the teacher and lesson will be learned. You just need to be his mum now, not his dictator.

When I was in school all homework was to be done on the night ot weekend it was issued. Then it would be collected the next day. I guess if class wasn't for another two days then you could stall it but that would just lead to a backlog.
I'd say it's good to say, get it over with. Procrastination is something I'm very guilty of. But young kids I think to try and get them to do it while it's fresh in their mind is the best way.

He is lucky to have escaped homework so far!

My son is smart, but he is so casual. He’d not do any homework off his own back and has never been embarrassed not handing in homework etc…so I always insist it’s done on the night we receive it.

What I do is let him decompress first… have his dinner and then do the homework ensuring there is downtime afterwards.

Every night without fail (because we get homework EVERY night 😭) he grumbles about doing it.

At the start of secondary I bought a wall calender. For every homework he wrote it on the due date. Me and him could then see when it was due. He crossed the homework out when he completed it. I only had to remind him a couple of times as it got close to the due date. After a couple of weeks he had sorted himself out, knew when he needed to do the homework and planned it himself. He is now at college and still uses the wall calender to remind himself, obviously I don't get involved now.

No, in that case I would have staggered it, but letting an 11 year old boy decide when he’s going to do his homework is a recipe for disaster in my experience - because it will all bank up and then get knocked off quickly at the last minute.

And in my experience, friends with daughters had no idea what I was on about. In 2020 my friends with daughters spoke about their DC timetabling their work, arranging their desk and ticking every task off when done etc - not a situation that was remotely similar to what I was dealing with.

With older teens, yes - they need to take responsibility for their own work. There should be no dragging DC through A levels. I left mine to it at GCSE and they were fine. But at 11, there needs to be some guidance - and in my experience that meant rules. If you’ve got a child who will be ok sorting out their own schedule and taking the work reasonably seriously, then great. But many DC are not like that at all.

For a start, the school will have a guide as to how many hours per night homework should take. First year, it might be 90mins a night.

But that doesn't mean he'll be given 90mins everyday. It's just a question of what lessons he has. On Monday he might be given three hours across three subjects. It'd be unreasonable to expect him to do all that on Monday night, especially if it's not due in till Friday.

As others have mentioned, one of the things homework is supposed to teach is time management. The approach you're suggesting is not good time management. It's a recipe for resentment and, more to the point, rushed work.

It's his first week. You seem convinced he's going to mess up. And you may be right. But give him a chance to do so. And if he does, don't go back to this impractical 'do it the night you get it' rule. Figure out a proper schedule.

Or, actually, he may not mess up. Which would be to his credit, wouldn't it?

I agree with you @orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements to an extent.

Homework is a new thing to him and your guidance to get it done the night he receives is a good one, provided it is achievable (i.e not a project, doesn’t have other things that take priority over homework). Most people, including me, will have a tendency to procrastinate but as they get older, it is likely they will have multiple assignments and at least attempting to get into habits early on will hopefully stand him in good stead.

Exactly this. It's not for parents to enforce despite what schools think. It's for the kids to do or not do, and for them to experience consequences at school if they don't. If they get a detention it's not a reflection on your "parenting", it's a reflection on them needing to grow up.

It's also not always realistic to do the homework the same night if it needs research etc.

However, t is often also better to sleep on it and look over it again on another day, so it's good to get in the habit of not doing it the night before.

And hobbies are important, when he starts them.

Yes, it was very similar here. This way helped to get both of ours into a routine - I just wished I’d done it right from the start before the missed homeworks …

If it will take 5 minutes then he can do it at break the day its due if he wants

And, a bit later on, a five minute worksheet type homework coming in might be better being delayed a day or two because the big essay homework is taking more than one day to complete

Glad I read this thread, I'm in same situation. Son in year 7 and no primary homework. Am going to follow some of the advice and allow him a chance to do it off his own back, I was going to strongly encourage to do it on the night he gets it too

He won't get 4 every day. When I was at school homework was assigned specific days for each subject. Usually it was set on the day in question to be completed by the next subject lesson. However it was possible for the night for that subject to be another night. This was done to make sure we got 2 or 3 lots of homework each night and no more than 4 at the weekend as we got older. It worked because we never had more than an hour and a half of homework each week night and we could fit in clubs and socialising and part time Saturday jobs in sixth form.

"And in my experience, friends with daughters had no idea what I was on about."

Right. Well my sons managed it just fine. Did you also instil a load of lazy stereotypes on your son?

YABU sorry but this is going to lead to pointless arguments. If he does it then what's the problem?
He'll soon learn if he lets it mount up and he has to spend his weekend doing homework!

Don’t micromanage his homework. He needs to learn to be organised and not have you hovering over him all the time.

I think it's fine to suggest that he does his homework sooner than later, and explain to him your reasoning. But making it a rule is probably not going to work long term. As others said, he's growing up, and he needs to learn time management. You can always reassess the situation later if he's not getting it done. Give him a chance OP.