AIBU to insist my son does his homework on the day he gets it?

[orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements]

DS has just started secondary school. I did make it clear to him that we will be taking homework seriously and that I will be stricter on a few things once he starts secondary school, he will be expected to take more responsibility and in return will get more freedom. I've been slowly trying to get him used to this over the last few months of primary and during the summer holidays.
His primary school didn't give out homework so it's new to him.

He's just been issued with his first piece of homework today. Once he arrived home (he cycles independently) and settled in a bit I reminded him he has homework (the school makes parents aware through an app) and told him that he needs to do it tonight. He was very resistant to this and said he has a week to do it so doesn't need to do it tonight. I said our rule for home, from me and his dad, not from the school, is to do homework on the day you get it so it doesn't mount up. Get it out of the way straight away - that's what I expect of him. He's not happy and says it's a stupid rule.

AIBU?

I don't know why posters think that if you guide and help them in year 7 you will be standing over them doing their A levels. They just know you are there to help them because they are 11 and school encouraged parental involvement to ensure they stay on task and get it done in a timely fashion. You are teaching them time management and prioritising work for when it is due in.

They have usually only had some spellings, some reading and maybe homework once a week at primary for maths or English. Secondary is a whole different matter with all the different subjects setting homework.

I am procrastinating a report due tomorrow by commenting on this thread.

As a teacher at secondary, please try and stick to this. Can’t tell you how long it takes for students to get into good habits re homework. Maybe lay on the rewards for taking responsibility and being organised really thick so it’s more of an incentive for him?

Support would be discussing homework, providing a quiet space, helping him think about how to manage it. Support is not laying down the law in a situation where there are plenty of equally good ways of approaching it

My DD struggled too after not having much homework in primary, then it was quite irregular in Y7 so difficult to get into a routine. I would give him some flexibility.

Longer term I think reasonable to let him select which day he is going to do it and learn how to manage his time in a way that works for him. I don’t think it unreasonable though to do it your way for the first week or so of term, letting him know this isn’t permanent, in order to get a handle on the volume and frequency of homework.

The OP is not saying ‘I want to help
and guide my YR7 who is struggling’
though is she?

She is saying she wants to insist he does it the day he gets it, she is constantly checking the homework app and monitoring when he does it. That doesn’t encourage independent thinking. It doesn’t give him a chance to do it off his own back (a good skill to develop) it doesn’t help him develop
good time management.

Now if he fails to hand HW in and suffers consequences at school then he may need guidance. If he needs help then I’m sure he’ll ask.

But this is secondary school they really should be working independently.

YABU. Aside from the fact that some homework won't be something he can do in one session the day it's sent out, and some days will be lighter than others, it's essential he learns to manage his time himself.

We see so many university students who still don't have a clue. And once they miss the first deadline, then they get an extension which means they're under pressure for the second so they need an extension on that, etc etc etc etc.

Let him fail now. By all means put consequences in place for being late or missing something, but let him fuck up now while the stakes are low.

I can see where you are coming from, but it might be hard to sustain. Some days they get several homeworks, or ones that take longer. And sometimes they are shattered. What about decks are always cleared at weekends…

My sons school sets a lot of homework and it did take a while to get into a pattern for it. He also has 3 clubs a week that he's adamant will continue. I think the premise of doing homework as soon as it comes in sounds good, but it doesn't work practically. My son had 3 pieces set yesterday. We had a good discussion when he started secondary school about the schools homework expectations etc (detentions if it's not done) and how he was going to keep on top.
He did leave a few pieces last minute but it stressed him out. Instead we agreed that an hour after school/clubs would be dedicated to homework and I would be around to help etc. But he has to organise which pieces he does and manage it himself. That way hes learning to manage his schedule but he knows he has a time slot for homework and that helps him plan. Most of the time he gets it done before the weekend so he has that free!

How are you making him take responsibility for his homework if you're dictating to him when it has to be done?

He's 11, he's fully aware of how much homework he has at any point. Either he does it in time, (great), or he doesn't and he starts learning valuable consequences from the resultant stress and worry. And you'll know he's not done it presumably because of the app, so you can impose punishments based on that.

Letting him learn to manage his own time is a good lesson. Making him feel like he can't relax when there's work not done isn't.

Taking myself as an example, in secondary school I very quickly learnt that I did much better work on the weekends, because I wasn't zonked from school. I also learnt that when I had ages to do something, I'd procrastinate, and that I'd actually waste less time and focus better by waiting until I had a bit of time pressure on what needed doing. I wouldn't have learnt either of these things had I been under your house rules.

As he is in Year 7 and has never had homework before I think it is a good idea.
Kids don't suddenly grow up in the summer holidays before starting High School.
They are back to being the small fish in a gigantic pool. Teaching style is very different from primary and there is not the same time to gently coax them into organisation.

They need help with organising themselves to begin with.

You could suggest that it is for the settling in period. Then after half term look at easing off and helping him organise his homework once he has a better idea of how much and what is required. Getting a calendar or wall chart csn be useful. Many kids will actually remember they have homework if they physically write it on to the calender and some will feel good that they have ticked it off.

Some assignments are really easy quick things at the beginning to get them use to homework.

It is good to get into a routine. It is much more difficult to help them once they have got into bad habits. Also, is good to guide him towards independence at a pace that tight for him. It is useful to chat about homework.

His after school activities may change and that needs to be taken into account.

Don't panic, try and work out what your fear is (homework mounting up) and accept that is your fear, not his reality. If it does happen it's a learning experience, you can't do this for him. Your role is to support him, and insisting isn't going to get you anywhere and you'll end up at loggerheads with an uncommunicative teen, because you're not listening, before you know it.

Depends on what the homework involves- lots of reading can be broken down and done over several nights. A project might be done in stages. Quick Maths problems done the night they are given. Answering questions about a poem might be done in rough one night and written up the next.
DS1 is getting proper homework now at Middle School and part if the task for him is to plan how he might do it- we discuss it with him.
We have a little homework club at home for our 3 DC- we discuss what the homework is then either DH or I supervise them and 'help'. DS2 and DD get short bits of stuff but DS1 has started getting more complex homework. None of them get homework every night.

Very OTT. School is different now to when we were there, homework is very different. You sound controlling to me.
You literally say you want him to take more responsibility and then, checks notes, don’t allow him to do that and dictate what he has to do.

THIS!

I tried this I year 7 with my son and needless to say it never happened! Just let him do what he wants and when. He'll soon realise when it gets too much! My son sometimes does the sparks sciences in the car going home as its all on app.

No, it's not reasonable to insist on every bit of work being completed the day it's set imo. It's too rigid. They have multiple lessons a week for most subjects. One day (or two) the teacher won't set anything, then the next time there'll be something big to get done that the teacher is fully aware could take a lot longer. There are many reasons teaching-wise that this doesn't work and parenting-wise imho it's unnecessary.

Don't pick this hill to die on, OP. He won't learn any independence like that. By all means remind him regularly for a while until you can be sure he can be trusted but I'm of the opinion that kids rise to meet being trusted more often than not. If and when he turns out to be crap at time management, help him work out a sensible schedule eg always trying to leave at least one or two days' leeway in case of unexpected changes in plan or social occasions/trips etc.

You have no reason (yet!) to think he won't get his work done in a sensible timescale, and homework will be increasing fast as he settles in. The teachers will give them plenty of guidance. Let him manage it himself unless and until he proves he can't.

My teenage son is home educated now but he did y7 and half of y8. I never badgered him - as long as it was done before the due date, that was fine. It now means he is good at managing his own time and work.

I've got another son why has just started year 7 and I will do the same with him. If he doesn't do it, he's the one who faces consequences. If he needs help and he's doing it at 10pm the night before I won't be able to help him, but the earlier he does it, the more time he has to get help. But I'm leaving him to figure that out himself because he's almost 12!

Yup. This

My approach with DC was to check when homework was due and suggest they do the one with the closest deadline first. Sometimes he'd be set two homeworks, one due tomorrow, one due in two weeks. Sometimes the two weeks homework could not be done in one sitting, or could not be completed until after the next lesson.
I think it's great to suggest ideas to DC about how to do things, but it's better if it's in response to something they have tried not going well - or if they ask for support.
My DC got detentions on several occasions for not handing in homework on the due date - as they had done it straightaway and left it sitting at home on the actual day they were meant to take it in.

He won't get four assignments every day.

If you sit there micro managing his homework by year 8 you will be driven mad. Leave him to it, yes ask him if it’s done, if he needs any help. But he needs to learn to take responsibility.

You need to loosen up a bit.

He's been at school all day, cycled, he must be tired.

He needs to learn to manage his time without you badgering him to do it.

As long as it is done for the deadline and is of an acceptable standard, what does it matter?

If you were posting at 4.12, you must have started pestering your son about this really soon after he came home. It would have been better to have a conversation with him before the beginning of term about setting up a routine whereby he will normally set aside a particular time each evening for homework which suits him and is adequate, say 5-6.30 or whatever fits in with your evening meal. But you will have to be prepared for flexibility if he is doing evening activities: I know you've said he's not interested in any after school clubs at the moment, but that could change overnight. You also have to bear in mind that, as he moves up the school, he really needs to plan his work for himself; he will know, for instance, when it makes sense to leave something that requires rote learning till a late stage, or when he will need to do something at a weekend because it needs a lot of research, etc.