AIBU to insist my son does his homework on the day he gets it?

[orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements]

DS has just started secondary school. I did make it clear to him that we will be taking homework seriously and that I will be stricter on a few things once he starts secondary school, he will be expected to take more responsibility and in return will get more freedom. I've been slowly trying to get him used to this over the last few months of primary and during the summer holidays.
His primary school didn't give out homework so it's new to him.

He's just been issued with his first piece of homework today. Once he arrived home (he cycles independently) and settled in a bit I reminded him he has homework (the school makes parents aware through an app) and told him that he needs to do it tonight. He was very resistant to this and said he has a week to do it so doesn't need to do it tonight. I said our rule for home, from me and his dad, not from the school, is to do homework on the day you get it so it doesn't mount up. Get it out of the way straight away - that's what I expect of him. He's not happy and says it's a stupid rule.

AIBU?

Crikey, leave the poor lad alone.

One is the most important parts of homework is learning (1) to manage time (2) to allocate the right amount of time to tasks (3) to take some responsibility (4) to work independently (5) to learn the consequences of screwing it up!

It takes years to develop those skills (for some of us forever...) but it's crucial that he's good enough at it by the time he rescued a levels, university etc. Your attitude will hold him back.

Than goodness I had parents who trusted my and didn't micromanage me at secondary school. If I forgot it was my responsibility!

In any event, it's a very inefficient way of working.

My ds has been having homework since he started (prep). It was just 10 minutes and gradually built up. He's in year 4 now and they have been doing 25 minutes. It has been a routine for years to do it straight after school. He doesn't know any better 😅. He also has extra activities too. I think your ds should do it on the day.

I'm an insanely pushy parent. I think you're being too much. My kids are at primary and get three lots of homework a week plus they do TTRS and Duolingo in their own time on top.
Whilst tempting to try and enforce early boundaries they really need to self regulate. We discuss what homework the kids have to do, they say they will wait until Wednesday. I say "we have Cubs on Wednesday" and we pick another night for them to do it.

The point of learning to take responsibility it to allow your son to decide when to do his homework.
You’ll soon find that departments don’t speak with each other so he might get several subjects worth on the one day. Are you going to stand over him till it’s all done?
Far better to have a discussion about the importance of planning then let him get on with it.
If he hands stuff in late then you can have a further discussion about timekeeping and deadlines.
Your method is likely to be counterproductive and lead to frustration on both sides .

It’s so strange but my DS has managed his own time and studies since YR7. He never fails to hand in a piece of homework and is doing very well. He’d hate it if I tried to get involved.

It’s called encouraging independence. Are you going to stand over them whilst they are doing A-levels? You’ll probably need to if you carry on micromanaging them until GCSEs….

You are meant to learn from homework, not just get it 'out the way'
Fair enough if it a simple thing he is good and confident on
Other things need more time and thought than rushing it between dinner and bed.

I think it’s a very good habit to get into. And disagree with the posters saying he needs to be independent now he’s started secondary school. It’s a huge transition and 11 year olds need support with the transition at the beginning to build good habits.

PLS, PLS, PLS do NOT relent! Let him get used to this routine! HW increases in secondary school as the yrs progress!
I have a 15 yr old DS, 6ft2, gym freak boxer that is towering over me and we have to constantly fight over H/W.

Isn’t the app for the pupils rather than the parents?

You need to let him manage it himself. If he fails then you can step in and help him come up with ways to make sure it gets done. If he still fails then it's time to enforce your way.

You aren't even giving him a chance - no wonder he's annoyed and uncooperative - he feels like he can't be trusted and like you have no faith in him. This is exactly the kind of low stakes opportunity for failure that children need to learn and gain confidence.

Children are all different, though. Ridiculous to suggest that you will be micro managing a child during A-Level study because you support their transition in Year 7. That’s six years away; they will have gone through puberty in that time!

Absolutely!

Mine too.

Advise, encourage, suggest. Ask how you can help him keep on top of his homework. Don’t make a rule.

It’s very harsh in my opinion, my son has just started secondary and like your son was issued his first lot of homework today.
He is still trying to process settling in to secondary school, I’d rather he come home and switch off and choose when he is ready to do his homework.
As long as it’s handed in on time I don’t mind then he chooses to complete it.

They need to learn to manage their own time and studies. Yr7 is a perfectly good time to do this. You want to keep on at then until their GCSEs? Then you’ve got a 16 year old that can leave home but can’t manage their time and HW without a parent breathing down their neck.

He does know he's going to get homework tomorrow, Thursday, Friday and Monday, doesn't he? Likely some with shorter deadlines than a week, too. And he's fully considered the consequences if he bumps them all, ie, ending up with a very long and boring evening and probably a front row seat in the first detentions of the year?

He hasn't. He's 11 and hasn't had to deal with the consequences of not completing homework before. You've tried to help him, but if he's that stubborn, then he's going to have to learn for himself.

The school my children attended told them to start their homework the day they get it as the content is still fresh in their mind rather than a week later and a whole heap of other stuff they have moved on with. They also had a parents and child open evening at the start of year 7 about what are good resources and what are not, how many sites they should be cross referencing to confirm facts, expectation of length of homework. Also that if homework handing in became a problem then the homework club they have after school every day is open to them. It set an expectation for both children and parents of what school expected.

My children had a homework time slot, so home from school, get changed, get a snack and a drink then start homework. I was there to guide them, walk them through googling for information etc. On the days there was no homework set they had to do something to broaden anything they had covered in school so that could be a youtube video on Greek Mythology or watching science experiments. But that time slot meant no tech.

Firstly it got them into a habit of homework every day which they will build up to over the years anyway, they knew that tech/free time started at a particular time so no rushing homework to a shitty standard to get onto gaming. My children are both through school now, excelled academically but also in their attitude to learning which is what really counts when the workload gets heavier. It taught them discipline, workload management and that learning can be fun, ie VR headset exploring the Grand Canyon.

I think it's an approach to take if your DC are struggling to manage their own time. There's nothing to suggest that OP DC is struggling - so why not let him get on with it unless he is?

Seems a bit daft to have such a rigid policy. What if he gets 4 pieces in one day, then what?

Having seen 3 DSs through secondary with one more to go the approach we have found most effective is ‘tell me when you’re going to do X’ or ‘tell me what homework you’ve got and how you’re going to manage it’ and discuss time management options as and when busy periods come round. It’s an ongoing conversation for years but independent working is the goal. 2 DSs became completely independent within a couple of years, 1 took until 6th form. As with everything it’s all about the child but don’t build up resentment now, you’ve got a very long way to go.

He should get a homework timetable and diary, so you and he can see what subjects he will get homework in, on what days, and when it will be expected to be completed by. I don’t think it matters if it’s not done the day he gets it, as long as he doesn’t just let it all slide and mount up so that he ends up on Sunday with six lots of homework needing to be done by the next day.

Once he and you know what to expect, you can discuss with him how to manage it and spread the load. I'd let him have a say in how he wants to organise things.

I would step back and see how he manages things of his own accord, as others have said its all part of growing up.

Came on to say your rules are your rules and if he isn't enjoying you enforcing those rules then maybe it's more of a defiance against the system (IE becoming more about you than the homework) sort of thing but having read a few comments I'm actually much more inclined to agree that the better strategy for him long term will be to take responsibility for this himself and face the consequences of not doing it, whatever they may be. I guess I'd be communicating things like 'just so you know we're going away on Friday till late Sunday so you won't have any time over the weekend, in case you have homework to do'. Then leaving it to it. If he starts getting detentions then maybe that will motivate him to be more organised!

I suggested this to DDs but left them to deal with it. I don’t get involved unless they ask for help but do ask DD2 if she has homework? Has she done it? Sorted out school bag?

Just a reminder as she is younger.

I do not look at specific homework, monitor it, etc. Don’t have time for it