I don't like my engagement ring 😞 (pic)

[Marooney]

Last night my partner proposed, which was lovely. I often like simple and classic in general but this ring just feels so small and generic, I'm sad. Also I have quite big hands and I think the ring is kind of swamped. He went to choose it after work apparently and went to the shop he knows in town. He said if I didn't like it I could change it, but I've had a look at the shop's website and honestly they don't have anything I like better. I like more vintage styles (lots on Etsy that I like), bigger stone (could be moissanite, I don't mind if it's not valuable) and this shop just has modern looking things, this is the best of the lot. Unfortunately they only do exchanges, not refunds. Not sure what to do :( I guess the AIBU is AIBU for feeling disappointed with this ring, and AIBU for seeing if he minds me using the shop credit for some future birthday and Christmas presents (it was about £360) and looking for a ring elsewhere. Any other suggestions welcome 🙏🏼

I think he must have chosen it ...with care ...because he thought you would love it. This is the ring he specially chose to propose to you. I really like it butpersonally I wouldn't risk hurting him by asking him to change it. However you know your own fiancé best. Everybody is different. Perhaps you feel he wouldn't be hurt if you asked him to exchange it. 🤔 I think though that as you've come on Mumsnet to see what others think you might be feeling it might hurt him. 🤔 Congratulations on your engagement. I would focus on the special warmth and enjoyment, planning, sharing your news ect rather than the ring itself if I were you. These very special times; n life don't come around very often. 💐

I'm in the 'marriage should be a discussion' not a 'question out of the blue' camp, as it's one of the biggest decisions for anyone to be considering, men and women. And that discussion should include preferences on jewellery/no jewellery, etc, especially for the one(s) who will be wearing it.

So Yes, I would say something along the lines of it's not your style, it doesn't suit you, and you'd like to figure out how to find something that does or give up on a ring entirely.

Well the alternative to coming clean about not liking the ring, is just wearing it for the rest of your life and pretending you like it/ hoping one day you will.

So it's up to you, but I would tell him!

Truly, you can't get a diamond that size in gold for £360.

I've just double checked on a few online retailers (High St shops) and there are no diamond rings that size for the price you quoted.

No point keeping it if you don't like it. He's acknowledged it mightn't be right by mentioning the exchange. I think people who are getting married should be able to have sensitive conversations like this so don't put up and shut up, just be straightforward about it - you love what he's done but don't love the ring itself and as you'll be wearing it forever, you're going to get one that you're happy with. Use the credit for something else and find an antique one with him, or one that goes with your wedding rings. I say all this even as someone who never bothered with engagements or its related rings and think being married is the important thing, but still, you have to like what's on your hand day in and day out so be (kindly) honest and get this sorted. I'm sure he won't really mind as long as you have something you like.

I would have loved a ring like that, it's so pretty. Mine had one tiny stone and it fell out, wasn't thrilled to start with so didn't have a repair and now don't wear an engagement ring through choice.

What a strange thing to do.

My husband went out and bought an engagement ring without me knowing. It’s not at all what I would have chosen - it’s much simpler and more classic than I would have picked. Not going to lie I was disappointed. But he was just so pleased with it that I couldn’t tell him I didn’t like it. I picked a wedding ring that was more my style. 15 years later I actually do love it, as it means so much that he spent a long time researching and picking it. I could never change it.

However - I would try to gauge with your fiancé whether he put a lot of thought and effort into choosing that ring……. or whether he just went to the jewellers and just picked a random ring that he thought you might like. And then base your decision of what to do on that.

And if someone would be hurt/upset/angry over their partner (who they profess to love and want to spend the rest of their life with) wanting a piece of jewellery that they actually like/suits them, rather than wanting them to have and wear something they love, I'd reconsider marrying them.

What a daft comment!

Yeah, this.

I guess you could tell him that white gold would coordinate better with the rest of your jewelry as a way to try not to devastate his feelings.

I really like it.

But if it is going to bug you then you need to change it.

I voted YABU because I think it's in perfect taste, even if it isn't exactly what you would have picked. You can get a more elaborate wedding ring if that would make you feel happier about how it looks and maybe having more input into the decision will make you feel more in control of it. I think it's romantic that he bought it for you and it does suit your hand based on the picture (and maybe the issue is more that you feel self-conscious about your hands for no good reason?)

Full disclosure: my husband gave me his grandmother's engagement ring so neither of us got to pick what it looked like. I love it but it's too fragile to wear all the time. I still wouldn't change it. However, if he'd given me one like yours, I'd have loved that too.

What???

It might be a lab grown diamond, that's no big deal though, it's still lovely.

OP made the mistake of thinking MN was a safe space to voice an opinion without hurting the feelings of her partner. She'll learn...

I think it's lovely! Irrelevant of course as it's your taste that counts but honestly I think that looks really nice in itself and on your hand. But if you don't I'd sort it now, sooner the better.

You absolutely have the right to choose a ring that you will love, and hopefully be happy with on your finger for the rest of your life.

That isn't a real diamond at the price, and the design is the absolute most basic available.

Hopefully you can do the clever swap for wedding rings that a wise pp suggested!

Be honest, tell him you don't think it suits you, and offer to pay a little toward one that you think does work.
Congratulations on the engagement too!

This! I know its subjective and personal taste but I personally love it, its such a classic style of engagement ring. You could pick a fancier wedding band, with diamonds which will sit with it eventually, and so together they make a set. That's what I have a simple solitaire, but my wedding ring is a diamond wishbone (I don't even like wishbone rings as a rule) that sits snugly next to it and together they look compliment each other.

Congratulations on your engagement!

This

It's a gorgeous ring!

My engagement from my first husband cost just short of £9k. We're divorced and married to other people now 🙂 the ring is now valued at around £1k if I wanted to sell it to a jewellers, because it's all a bit of a scam, based on silly ideas that it's only a valid token first time round and should be stupidly expensive.

The ring is lovely OP just not for you, swap it for some wedding rings

I had an engagement ring I hated (large, clearly visible flaw in the diamond) and dutifully and resentfully wore it during our entire marriage. I’d advise exchanging it as others have said.

Its not a love token ONLY. You have to wear it every day forever (hopefully!) So I think its fair to say you love him, you love being engaged, you don't love the ring. Its not something you could wear everyday forever. And you want to.
But you'd like to choose another together. The PP who said exchange for credit for wedding rings is right