I don't like my engagement ring 😞 (pic)

[Marooney]

Last night my partner proposed, which was lovely. I often like simple and classic in general but this ring just feels so small and generic, I'm sad. Also I have quite big hands and I think the ring is kind of swamped. He went to choose it after work apparently and went to the shop he knows in town. He said if I didn't like it I could change it, but I've had a look at the shop's website and honestly they don't have anything I like better. I like more vintage styles (lots on Etsy that I like), bigger stone (could be moissanite, I don't mind if it's not valuable) and this shop just has modern looking things, this is the best of the lot. Unfortunately they only do exchanges, not refunds. Not sure what to do :( I guess the AIBU is AIBU for feeling disappointed with this ring, and AIBU for seeing if he minds me using the shop credit for some future birthday and Christmas presents (it was about £360) and looking for a ring elsewhere. Any other suggestions welcome 🙏🏼

I would not buy an expensive ring on Etsy. There are so many fakes there.

Put “independent jewellery designer in “”where you are “” into google and find some local independents.

I mentioned the karats and carats only because you were saying it was "significantly better quality" than other rings I'm looking at. It isn't great quality but - once again - the value doesn't matter if the style suits me and my tastes. I'm not sure what other words I can use to make this point. I would prefer an e.g. larger cheaper moissanite to a smaller diamond because of how it looks on my hand, I believe I've said this many times now.

And no I didn't drop "heavy hints" about doing it ASAP, the amount of stuff you've invented here is bonkers. He did it the next day for maximum surprise factor, and wasn't wrong about that!

Many people have said to avoid Etsy so I'll take that on board. I thought it was a site for unique hand-crafted things but I suppose it's been taken over by people flogging bad quality imported items which is a shame.

Can you read? OPs hardly complaining, shes asking for advice, she’s not slating her fiancé, she just doesn’t like the ring. I don’t like the ring either and would be disappointed. I’d rather be honest and vice versa with my partner.

Thank you, yes some of the presumptions are quite baffling but I haven't taken offence. These people don't know me or my partner and have filled in details in their head with absolute confidence that they know how he went about buying the ring as well as my behaviour to him before and after 😆 and that I'm a total diva, despite wanting lower value gemstones just in a different design.

Like you, I don't believe that these posters would put up with a ring they hated all their life, but if that's really the case I feel bad about their inability to speak up :(

OP I wouldn't bother replying to the PPs who are just here for a pile on. If I'm being kind I'd say there's a bit of projecting going on.
But Etsy. My DD used to sell some stuff on there, and she was telling me just the other day how much it has changed. The individual crafty type sellers cannot afford to use it any more and it's been overtaken by big companies pretending to be artisans. None of the individual sellers she used to buy from are on there any more.

Ha, if you read my previous replies, he did decide that day and chose that afternoon, it was quite "random". I'm sure he hoped he'd got it right, of course, but he wasn't aware that it was a big decision in any way. It was the best in the shop (apart from similar models with slightly bigger diamonds, but that's petty because it's not my style anyway so wouldn't want him to spend more on that), because most of what they have looks like Argos. Honestly the poster you were replying to had it right, it doesn't scream consideration.

My OP wasn't really about this though, I was looking for suggestions how to resolve it and really like the idea of getting our wedding rings from there (very plain so doesn't matter).

Ah that's such a shame, thanks for the heads-up. I agree about the PPs, but it's a slow Sunday morning on the sofa and I'm amused/bemused at some people's lack of comprehension skills :)

I think you did the right thing. Please update us with the ring you choose 🥰

In that case I apologise. I must've lost that particular thread in all the comments.

But honestly, I would discuss it with him and get something you like and use the credit for the wedding rings. Me, personally, I'd rather my significant other was happy with an item of jewelry she has to wear all the time rather than saying nothing and being unhappy. He'll be more happy that you said yes!

I love your style OP and you do not seem materialistic. But I also don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect that he thought this through more (and spent more!). Isn’t it traditionally supposed to be three months salary!?

I would just have an honest, respectful conversation with him. It’s not gracious to be secretly disappointed for fear of damaging his ego.

And from your posts he sounds reasonable and kind and will most likely understand. I’m sure he wouldn’t want you to wear an engagement ring that you don’t like,
esp as it’s such an important symbol.

Isn’t it traditionally supposed to be three months salary!?

I think you’ll find it’s one month and it was a cynical marketing ploy by De Beers to part naive men from their hard earned money.

So pleased you sorted it out! You both sound a lovely couple - perfectly reasonable to want to absolutely love your engagement ring and tbh he sounds like a typical bloke (sorry if MN gets upset with this!). Best wishes for the wedding 💒

Oooh I so feel your pain, I have been there too. A long past ex made a proposal to me just after we had polished off a bag of chips whilst waiting for the bus (just setting the romantic scene here). He proposed, whipping out a ring he had specifically had made for me, based on what his sister assured him I would love. It was horrendous and a real knuckleduster. He was so pleased with himself and obviously his whole family were in on it and thought the ring was stunning. Bless him, he had been working overtime for months to pay for it, telling me he was saving for a lads holiday.

I said yes but was gutted at the ring and knew it would break his heart if I told him I hated it. I cringed when people commented on it. My mates thought it was hysterical as it was the polar opposite of my style. If it was like the ring you have received (which I think is demur but does look good as its a classic), I wouldn't have been quite so upset. However had always wanted an art deco style ring.

Fast forward a couple of years, I was sat in the car and caught one of the claws in my ring on my fluffy jumper and had to take the ring off. I spent 10 minutes disentangling it and pulling the fluff out of the claws. Fiancé was laughing at me. Anyway we got out of the car, waited to cross the road and just as we got to the other side, I realised I hadn't put my ring back on, it had been on my knee. We ran back and found my ring on the floor by the car. Sadly a passing vehicle had flattened it - it was insured. I made sure I got to pick my replacement ring with my fiancé, the original ring became a pendant thanks to a skilled jeweller.

Two weeks later I found him in bed with someone else so we never did marry. It was a good outcome all around.

A diamond wedding ring would go nicely with that though, like an eternity ring. Have you thought about the wedding ring to go with it?

The ring is similar to mine, my diamond is smaller.i only had plain gold band to get married with aswell. It's about a few things you need to consider , his feelings, his budget and the cost for a wedding is going to be expensive. Maybe look to the future commitment not the jewellery on your hand. I've been married 13 years and been together 25 I know what I'm talking about. I hope he doesn't know your disappointed he will be devasted.

I hardly wear mine. It's not a big deal. But just buy your own if you don't like it?

Been married almost 18 years and honestly it's just not even a thing that I wear much for practical reasons. The marriage is what's more important.

I love the sapphire one you like. Not dissimilar to mine. Totally understand why you want to change it. Well done for navigating this either way your husband to be (and congratulations on your engagement!)

Regardless of what I think about your views on the engagement ring your boyfriend bought for you, I still don't understand why he is going to propose again. Did you turn him down the first time? And was that because he didn't buy a ring thst met with your approval? If you did agree to marry him, Whyever would he be asking again?

How the fuck is that relevant?

Better quality because at least with the jewellers you know it’s genuine. There are lots of fakes on Etsy.

I don't understand getting an engagement ring without having any input into the choice. Something that costs ££££ and I am meant to wear every day for the rest of my life - I want to choose it and I want to take my time.

My husband proposed with a temporary ring, and then we went shopping together for my "proper" engagement ring. Which is a good thing we did because he proposed with a silver and diamond ring - but I hate silver (only wear gold jewelry), and chose an emerald ring with a gold band instead.

The suggestion previous posters have made to see if you can swap the engagement ring for two wedding rings is a great one.

Take no notice of people going on about man made or natural diamonds, what your budget is etc. I have just got an eternity ring and I saw lots with mossanite I loved on Etsy but in the end got one in a shop whilst I was with my husband on holiday. Hubby was happy to spend quite a bit and I didn't need that.

It doesn't matter how much the ring cost or what it is made of, if you like it and it was given with love, then wear it with pride because hopefully you will be wearing it for many years to come.

A close friend got engaged with a silver daisy ring as they were skint, it cost £30 They married, have kids and now they are better off financially, her husband offered to buy her the engagement ring he felt she deserved - she said no, because a new ring wouldn't be her real engagement ring and I get where she is coming from. I still wear my engagement and wedding ring together but each to their own. Just be happy!

Most women (ime knowing plenty who have got engaged both irl and social media) like the surprise element, and don’t think it’s a proper proposal unless it includes the ring. Plus there’s the whole pressure of social media and videoing it and everyone seeing the ring straight away- it puts so much pressure on the man/woman proposing and it sucks.

Have you RTFT? OP doesn’t like the ring and says the gold is too cheap and the diamond too small. She claims her OH has enough money to afford a “better” ring.