I don't like my engagement ring 😞 (pic)

[Marooney]

Last night my partner proposed, which was lovely. I often like simple and classic in general but this ring just feels so small and generic, I'm sad. Also I have quite big hands and I think the ring is kind of swamped. He went to choose it after work apparently and went to the shop he knows in town. He said if I didn't like it I could change it, but I've had a look at the shop's website and honestly they don't have anything I like better. I like more vintage styles (lots on Etsy that I like), bigger stone (could be moissanite, I don't mind if it's not valuable) and this shop just has modern looking things, this is the best of the lot. Unfortunately they only do exchanges, not refunds. Not sure what to do :( I guess the AIBU is AIBU for feeling disappointed with this ring, and AIBU for seeing if he minds me using the shop credit for some future birthday and Christmas presents (it was about £360) and looking for a ring elsewhere. Any other suggestions welcome 🙏🏼

How did you demonstrate you were willing to make financial sacrifices/save/treat your husband? How much of a significant amount of your income did you save up and spend on something you had made for your husband?

Or was it more a lop-sided transaction, eg you got a husband plus expensive jewellery, and he got a materialistic wife?

It doesn't sound like OP likes the style of the shop's jewellery so unlikely to want her wedding ring from there, but perhaps she can use the credit for gifts or something else.

I think it’s lovely and timeless and doesn’t look too small for your hand. I would also look at this as the first of a few rings that would sit on this finger. Hopefully one day it will be accompanied by a wedding ring and eternity ring. A larger ring won’t sit well with other rings.

I think it's a bit bland, yes. Fine if that's your style but it's OK not to like it. DH got me an unusual style ring that I loved, except that the stones were not strong enough. He joked for about a month about me "upgrading" the ring, but as I had the same style made with different stones he was happy. He's picked a classic style and that's ok, but if your fiance doesn't mind you changing the look of it then it doesn't matter. Choose something more exciting together so that he knows he had input too. Swapping it for wedding bands is a great idea.

Congratulations and I agree with the others about exchanging for wedding rings or maybe an eternity ring?

I think as you’ve agreed to get married, you really need to be able to tell him frankly why the ring he’s chosen isn’t what you want to wear. If you’re not able to have such a straightforward conversation, he isn’t the right one for you.

this is such an irritating comment! nowhere did she complain about her partner, and she is allowed to have opinions and preferences about (one of two of?) the most important pieces of jewellery in her life. Vote unreasonable if you think she’s being unreasonable for this, but dont make things up.

Some women have their heart set on a surprise proposal. It's a bit harder to pull that off if you've already chosen the ring together.

Looks alright to me 😕

I think you should keep it, it was great that he chose it himself and it is really from his heart. He likely sweated blood choosing it. It will always remind you what a sweet idiot he was, no other ring will do that.

But up to you, he may be heartbroken that you don't like it, so break it gently.

Because they make it look smaller?

not sure it can be £360 if solid gold even if lab diamond?
usually engagement rings are solid gold

She's not making things up. I don't like that style of ring either, and as the OP has said, she has giant man-hands. But her beloved has proposed and bought her a ring, and she is complaining about it online, complete with a recognizable photograph of it. She is humiliating him and his gift of a ring.

I think you could take it to a jeweller and ask to use the existing stone and metal to make a new ring/design, add other stones to it depending on what you want. Maybe you have some other jewellery/family jewellery you could combine with it. Might be a good idea to try some rings on, see what suits you.
Or as a previous poster said exhange it for wedding bands.
Alternatively you could keep it and work with a jeweller to create a wedding band that compliments it - there is a jewellery designer that makes rings to sit with other rings, think she calls them party jackets and they look quite cool.

Give it a rest 😂. I’m making financial sacrifices by going part time to raise our baby, that involves a hell of a lot more sacrifice than saving a few months wages for a ring.

Aww bless you OP.

My DH also proposed with a ring that is completely not my taste.

It's so hard, because on one hand, your DH proposed, and went to the effort to pick out a nice surprise engagement ring for you, to show how much he loves you, and that he wants to spend his life with you.

However, having to wear something that isn't your taste can feel tricky and a bit upsetting.

In the end I told my DH I appreciated the thought he put into it, but it wasn't really my taste (it's very quirky, like me, but I wanted a classic engagement ring). DH wasn't able to return the ring, and I felt awful as he'd spent a fair bit, so in the end I've learned to love it. Reflecting, I also feel like I was acting like a spoilt brat, I should be happy he put thought, effort and £ into a ring he thought I would love. I should've accepted it gratefully tbh as he is such a sweet and caring man.

Nowadays I don't even think about it, I love my DH, we're happily married and have much bigger things to worry about/spend our money on (a baby!).

Ultimately, if you really can't wear it, one option might be to get a bigger wedding ring, and just wear that instead, and keep the engagement ring in your jewellery box?

And this is why it’s so annoying having men on mumsnet. Bore off

This is why the old fashioned way of proposing and then choosing a ring together was so much better.

Why is it a lovely thing?
Proposing to someone with a ring is pretty standard...
Plus she wasn't complaining about him, she said she doesn't like the ring. Which given she is the one who has to wear it for the rest of her life is fair enough.

I agree the best thing would be to get credit for your wedding rings from that shop.

It isn’t. Propose without a ring then buy it afterwards.

Exactly this, not to mention the health sacrifices! £360 vs a forever changed body, 9 months of aches, 24 hrs of labour and decreased earning potential sounds like a good deal to me....

Your engagement ring should be a piece of jewellery you LOVE and you are proud to show off as once it’s on it (hopefully) never comes off. I’d def take some store credit as he can easily get a plain wedding band from there (& maybe a necklace or a pair of earrings for you) and you should get something more to your tastes. It sounds like he shouldn’t be too offended given he just popped to a local shop and bought a simple ring.

Yeh, it's a real dick post and ironically not clever as it shows the poster knows fuck all about diamonds

There's nothing wrong with the ring, it's a very nice solitaire, and standard style for an engagement ring but if you don't like, of course YANBU for wanting to change it. Or whatever you choose.
I have in the past found some really pretty rings and other jewellry on Gemporia and The Jewellry Channel and they both have regular sales where you can get lovely stuff for lower prices. You could also try looking through Ebay as well. If you want something with a bigger stone, consider topaz- it's 8 on the Mohs Scale so hard enough for everyday wear and much, much cheaper than diamonds or even mossianite and plus it's a natural gemstone. It also has a lovely lustre and comes in lots of different colours- Imperial topaz is the most valuable and is a goldy colour. Gemporia have a lot of Imperial PINK topaz at the moment, which is rarer and a lovely pale pink. If pink ain't your thing, there's load of shades of blue, there's white and even some red. There are also the "mystic" topazes which are coated and sort of two-tone or multi-coloured. There is green topaz but not much of it about.
Have a look and see if anything takes your fancy OP!

I only like really plain wedding rings sadly!

You could get it remade into something you prefer, adding stones or whatever.
My mum persuaded me to get my engagement ring made by a "trendy" jeweller she knew. It wasn't my taste at all (I was v young at the time) and I didn't like it.
A few years later I got the whole thing remade, used the same stones but totally changed the setting. I love it now.