I don't like my engagement ring 😞 (pic)

[Marooney]

Last night my partner proposed, which was lovely. I often like simple and classic in general but this ring just feels so small and generic, I'm sad. Also I have quite big hands and I think the ring is kind of swamped. He went to choose it after work apparently and went to the shop he knows in town. He said if I didn't like it I could change it, but I've had a look at the shop's website and honestly they don't have anything I like better. I like more vintage styles (lots on Etsy that I like), bigger stone (could be moissanite, I don't mind if it's not valuable) and this shop just has modern looking things, this is the best of the lot. Unfortunately they only do exchanges, not refunds. Not sure what to do :( I guess the AIBU is AIBU for feeling disappointed with this ring, and AIBU for seeing if he minds me using the shop credit for some future birthday and Christmas presents (it was about £360) and looking for a ring elsewhere. Any other suggestions welcome 🙏🏼

It is giving Elizabeth Duke at Argos vibes. Just be honest and get another one, you're the one that has to wear it.

Congratulations on your engagement!

I think exchanging this ring for a pair of wedding bands is a great idea. I know PP have said that already

You should have an engagement ring that will make you happy. It is worth making sure you understand your fiance’s financial situation and his values, however

Congratulations!

@Marooney I have big hands too and am self conscious about them.

It is a pretty ring but to be honest it doesn't matter what anyone on here thinks. You are wearing it every day and you need to love it.
I think the suggestion of using the money for wedding bands and making the ring a collaborative choice is a good idea.

Right now it sort of puts a cloud over what should be a happy moment-you need to decide if you will grow to love it paired with wedding band or if you will always feel a flicker of disappointment when you look at it or someone comments on it.

If you are going to change it do it now and move on-don't let it linger.
I think I would rather be honest up front and change it out rather than leave it to be a little niggle.
My DH would hate it if I kept it when I didn't love it-very important to be able to sort things out together.

Good luck!

I read your post before looking at the ring & was pleasantly surprised! I think it looks beautiful on you. But it’s what you think that matters. I think the first thing you should do is go and try on some blingy wedding rings and see if you like that better. A nice 7 stone eternity ring would look beautiful and classic. Or perhaps one with milgrain to give you that vintage feel you like. If that doesn’t work then the PPs suggestion of using store credit towards wedding rings sounds like an excellent suggestion.

I guess I'm in the minority here when I say whilst you're feelings are absolutely valid it sounds like he did the best he could and found something he thought you would really like

I'd be devastated if I'd spend time and hard earned money on something for my partner only for him to go online and tell strangers he didn't like it

What about adding a vintage style enhancer ring to surround the solitaire?

This is mumsnet so you’ll be told you should be grateful if a man gets you a generic ring that cost less than a week’s wages 🙄.

I’ve got to be honest I’d have been offended if my husband had given me a £350 ring which wasn’t to my taste. Part of the whole “proposing” thing is the man (or woman) choosing something his partner will love and spending a significant (to him) amount of money on it, demonstrating he’s prepared to make financial sacrifices/save/treat his wife etc. My engagement ring is so special to me because my husband saved and spent a significant amount of his income on something he had made for me. What’s £350 in relation to his financial situation out of interest?

I really like the ring, it’s classic and elegant. I don’t think the size is small, if it’s too big it’s obvious it’s fake or shit diamonds unless you know the wearer is well off money wise.

If you’re not happy with it though see about changing it.

YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID OP but for what it's worth I think your ring is beautiful 💍The old saying less is more is often true. Congratulations.

She said he went to the local jewellery store he knew of after work.

I didn’t love my engagement ring at first. It’s very modern and not at all what I’d have picked for myself. It was too small, so needed changing anyway, and, although I hadn’t said anything, he was considering getting a different style.

But after a couple of days, I asked him to reorder the same ring in a bigger size. It’s the ring he chose for me, the ring he proposed with. I don’t want a different ring. And four months on, I genuinely love it. Maybe you’ll get attached to yours too, if you keep it.

That's a good idea.

Was it really just £360?

On your finger it looks more like 0.5carat and I'd expected it to be around £2K - 3K!

Is it a real diamond?

I would hate a man to choose my ring.

When we got engaged (30 years ago) we decided on a budget and went looking together.

I totally agree with this. You sound really spoilt. I hope he reads this and asks for his ring back. You are unbelievable.

Congratulations! In your shoes I would op to the shop without him, see if there is anything else that you would like. It’s a lifelong commitment- wearing the ring, you need to be happy with it

You will probably get flamed for this!

But potentially choosing a good diamond and enhancing it with the correct cut can be a good investment.

I love it, but you don't op so it's a problem. You need to be honest with your fiancé imo, as a pp said you could use the credit for wedding rings. Was it really only 360 though? If it's a diamond I would think it would be way more than that.

I don’t think YABU to want to change it to something more you! I would perhaps frame it as you’re worried about the stone falling out of the setting with that style?

Putting the money towards wedding bands from the shop is a good idea!

I would also aim for swapping for a wedding band and buying the engagement ring elsewhere . I agree with you it’s very bland.

I’m with you @Marooney, it’s generic and on the small side for your fingers and hands. I wouldn’t be happy wearing it either long term. Maybe until the wedding and then switch to wedding band only?

Mine is identical and I have to say I love it and think it looks great on your hands too. Having a wedding ring next to it bulks it out a bit. To be honest if I thought my other half had chosen something for me out of love unless it was shockingly bizarre the emotion behind it makes it lovely for me.

Oh come on!

So you really think it's back in the day when a man chooses a ring and has no idea if his partner likes the style?

It should be a JOINT decision.

The price he can afford and the style she likes.

Some people here have bonkers ideas.

I have long fingers and found an engagement ring looked a bit lost whichever style I chose. I got an eternity band to go with it which is a slim diamond (actually it's not real diamond) banded ring to fit underneath and it makes it look much better on my hand. It wasn't expensive. I now have an engagement ring, eternity ring and slim simple wedding band which look really nice together. But 11 years on I don't wear any of them because I find them irritating!

That said, personally I would like your ring a lot more if it wasn't gold, but that's my personal opinion.

Congrats on your engagement!

In terms of style, I think the band is too wide for the size of the stone.

As it's a close up shot, it's hard to judge the size.

What carat is the diamond?

This for me too. Congrats on your engagement Op.