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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be really unhappy at having a cat imposed on us

881 replies

WinkyTinky · 09/09/2024 06:52

Dh wanted to get a cat a couple of years ago. None of the rest of us did, especially DS16 (14 at the time) - neither of the kids have ever wanted a pet or to have an animal that will live in the house in particular. Outside maybe, but not in the house, and I thought that was the end of it.
But yesterday, in comes dh with a pet carrier with a kitten inside, completely unannounced. I'd noticed he had been clearing out the porch on the morning, and i just left him to it, but now I know it was to make space for a litter tray. Ds12 looked at me as if to say, why is this happening? Especially knowing how his brother feels about pets. So I had to go upstairs and let DS16 know there was a cat in the house, it was already mewing quite loudly anyway, but it's a tiny kitten and he could easily have stood on it if he came down the stairs, where it had been sitting out of view. He is already in the middle of a hard and uncertain time leaving school, starting college, anxiety in general as well as dealing with his feelings girl, and also the suicide of a school friend. He ended up crying, not so much about the cat itself, but that his dad had gone against his wishes and got the cat anyway. He went and asked his dad if he just had to accept this, to which the reply was yes, no further conversation. But then I have to deal with all the emotions from ds, not his dad. And as the evening went on, the cat was sitting outside ds's bedroom constantly mewing while he was trying to do his homework for starting college this week. He has very early starts all week and just wanted to get his work done and get to bed. Ds12 was trying to get to sleep, all this while dh was sitting downstairs out of the way with his headphones on watching Jimmy Carr and laughing his head off, oblivious to everything.
I also went to bed, and heard dh downstairs putting the cat in the conservatory, so I could now hear it mewing from my room, not to mention it gets bloody cold in there on a night. Now today dh goes to work (WFH weds Thurs and Fri but out mon and Tuesday) and I have no idea what to do with this kitten while we're all out. DS16 should be home by around 2pm today, but says he doesn't want to come back if the cat is going to be here. Ds12 is going to be here on his own for a couple of hours as he doesn't start school til later this morning, and now he has to think about making sure the cat doesn't escape when he goes out. It's just another layer of worry that we didn't need. I know that lots of animal lovers will think this is a ridiculous overreaction, but it's how the kids feel, and I understand it. And I have to deal with the consequences, not dh. He never has to deal with anything. If anyone has seen any of my other threads, you might get what I mean. All the kids want is to be able to relax a bit when they get home, and DS16 in particular feels like he doesn't have that now, especially at the start of what is going to be a stressful two years of A levels.
Is this a complete overreaction on our part? Is dh well within his rights to get a pet?

OP posts:
Timeforaglassofwine · 09/09/2024 08:02

This post had made me so angry. That poor kitten, terrified, desperate for attention, shut in a cold conservatory overnight and given milk (goat milk or lactose free would be okay). This is just cruel. Please get the poor thing back to its breeder as soon as possible. Pets are usually a huge source of comfort and joy in a family - I couldn't live with a none animal lover - so I don't really understand the family's reaction unless there is an allergy or understandable concern about the road.

hattie43 · 09/09/2024 08:02

Your children are weird . It's a kitten not the antichrist . Having said that getting a pet should be a shared decision .

thinkfast · 09/09/2024 08:03

Just ignore the cat. It's DH's cat. DH's responsibility.

Lovelysummerdays · 09/09/2024 08:05

I personally couldn’t leave a kitten in the conservatory as mines gets ridiculous hot in the sunshine. Your DH is an arse, pets should be a household decision. That said I wouldn’t take the day off for a kitten. My boss would be v unhappy.

MayaPinion · 09/09/2024 08:06

Stressfordays · 09/09/2024 07:47

Pets are very very good for mental health. Could you encourage your ds to bond with the tiny creature? Stroking animals is proven to lower the stress hormone, playing with a small kitten will release endorphins. Caring for them can give people a purpose. I'm not saying you have to do this, but it may actually help?

Nobody wants the bloody cat. That’s the whole point of the OP’s post.

EmpressaurusDeiGatti · 09/09/2024 08:06

That poor little thing. None of this is the kitten’s fault & nobody with any sense would bring a pet into a house where all the adults, at least, hadn’t agreed.

If you go to https://catchat.org you can get a list of rescues in your area. Tell them the kitten was abandoned, which is about right. Hopefully one of them will have space. Then consider divorce.

Opening

https://catchat.org

Imisscoffee2021 · 09/09/2024 08:06

If you all feel so strongly he shouldn't have got it. He shouldn't be ignoring its needs by watching TV with headphones on.

A baby animal has been brought to a new place where three people are ambivalent at best towards it and the person who wanted it let's is mew for attention and puts it alone in a cold conservatory at night.

Please rehome the kitten, it needs alot of attention as a new pet as well as a baby, it isn't going to get that. Cats aren't always aloof and young animals certainly aren't so it can't just get on with things like an adult cat can, it needs alot of tactile attention from its new family and it won't get it with yours as fair enough, you all didn't want a cat.

If its young it will be snapped up so take it to a proper rehoming centre if you don't know anyone thar you trust who wants a kitten.

doodleschnoodle · 09/09/2024 08:07

This all sounds totally bonkers.

DH obviously completely unreasonable but why is a 16yo crying about a kitten? Confused Totally OTT reactions all round.

Please look after it properly until you decide what you're doing with it. It's a kitten, they really aren't the life-destroying force you seem to think.

sunsetsandboardwalks · 09/09/2024 08:07

Your DH has been a bit irresponsible but my goodness what a load of drama. It's not like he's brought a horse.

Kittens don't need someone with them all the time, as long as it's left in a safe space with food, litter tray and water it will be absolutely fine while you're out of the house at work or school. Your DS doesn't need to interact with it if he doesn't want to either.

I wouldn't leave it in a conservatory though, the temperature extremes in there aren't safe for such a tiny animal.

DoreenonTill8 · 09/09/2024 08:08

gardenmusic · 09/09/2024 07:56

He ended up crying, not so much about the cat itself, but that his dad had gone against his wishes and got the cat anyway. He went and asked his dad if he just had to accept this, to which the reply was yes, no further conversation.

Of course having a pet should be discussed between the two of you, and allergies/phobias within the family would be a 'no', but reading the above, you have far bigger problems than a cat you did not want!
Crying because 'His Dad had gone against his wishes' Really?
We are not talking about a pit bull here, it's a tiny kitten. You don't want it, fair enough, re-home the poor little thing, it deserves better.

This. Is this the first time that anyone's 'gone against his wishes' given the extreme reaction?
Have you figure out if the problem is
-he's scared of it
-it disgusts him to this visceral level of reaction
-he's worried that a tiny, cute kitten will take attention from him?
It's the 12 yo I feel for in all of this.

theworldie · 09/09/2024 08:09

It’s almost like he’s deliberately done it to upset everyone…

Narcissist?

autienotnaughty · 09/09/2024 08:10

I'd be furious you have two choices-

Tell dh it goes back

Tell him to take some time off work to look after it

Also when it's mewing on a evening put it in the same room as dh

AnywhereAnyoneAnyTime · 09/09/2024 08:10

While I would be annoyed if my DH brought home a kitten without discussion, the 16 year old would be told to get a grip, and all this crying and dramatics because his dad had “gone against his wishes” certainly wouldn’t be being pandered to.

He’s a child. He doesn’t get to be part of the decision making process.

As an adult you absolutely should have been a part of it, but warning your children and consoling a 16 year old was over dramatic and ott

theworldie · 09/09/2024 08:12

TheThreeCheesesOfTheApocalypse44 · 09/09/2024 07:31

Well he should have done it but jesus wept ive never heard such drama in my life.......rehome the kitten and teach your kids to get a grip. He brought home a cat......not another woman ffs.

🤣🤣🤣

Bellyblueboy · 09/09/2024 08:13

Your husband is an arse and it already sounds like the cat isn’t being properly cared for.

Your sons reaction to a kitten does seem quite extreme though. Have you explored that a bit more? He must have to visits homes that have pets?

ReluctantSwimMum · 09/09/2024 08:13

Phone your husband immediately and stop doing anything for the cat, it's not your problem.

QueenElizabethTudor · 09/09/2024 08:13

A pet has to be a family decision, if not everyone is on board, it doesn't happen. I would be seriously unimpressed if DH decided to do this (which he wouldn't, because he's not an arse).

Who is supposed to look after his animal when he is not there?

ClockworkDisaster · 09/09/2024 08:14

He should have probably got the kitten years ago before your son felt big enough to have a say in it. He would have then grown up with a pet and had some empathy for the poor thing. It sounds like the kitten could do him a lot of good if the rest of you were positive about it. My parents would have never contemplated consulting with me and my siblings about getting a pet. But we were always thrilled when a new animal came to live with us as we had grown up with them.

DDivaStar · 09/09/2024 08:14

Have you actually talked to your dh ? What did you say when he came home with it ? No he shouldn't have got it but you all seem so wrapped up in your own worlds. You should have discussed what was happening today, then you wouldn't be stressing now.

Meeplebeen · 09/09/2024 08:14

I wonder if everyone would be being so offensive about the probably disabled 16yo if their husband brought home a free roaming snake/spider/cockroach/rat (insert any other animal you hate) as a pet. You'd be cool with that? You'd be ok if your husband went against your wishes and brought an animal you really didn't want into the home?

Nobody except dh wanted a cat. It could be any animal but for whatever reason the 16yo desperately DOESN'T want a cat living in the home. Why don't his wishes matter? Because he's (probably) ASD? Because he's 16? Because he's a boy?

Also why isn't it ok for a 16yo boy to cry? Is this the 1950s?

Bellyblueboy · 09/09/2024 08:14

ReluctantSwimMum · 09/09/2024 08:13

Phone your husband immediately and stop doing anything for the cat, it's not your problem.

the kitten isn’t the enemy here. Kittens need regularly fed and cared for. Don’t abuse a kitten to get back at your idiot husband!

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 09/09/2024 08:15

I’d be taking it back, kittens aren’t that noisy if their needs are met much like any baby animal. Your dh isn’t providing suitable care for it and doesn’t appear interested in it at all if he isn’t fussing it or playing with it. Kittens need a lot of playtime and sleep time.

Spenditlikebeckham · 09/09/2024 08:16

Send dh a link about dcats needing water then leave him to it. Never empty the tray. Charge him for any damage it causes... But if your dc is ND a dcat is a great addition...

BoobyDazzler · 09/09/2024 08:17

ReluctantSwimMum · 09/09/2024 08:13

Phone your husband immediately and stop doing anything for the cat, it's not your problem.

A normal human reaction to having a baby anything in the house is to nurture it. Could you honestly just ignore it?

DoreenonTill8 · 09/09/2024 08:18

Spenditlikebeckham · 09/09/2024 08:16

Send dh a link about dcats needing water then leave him to it. Never empty the tray. Charge him for any damage it causes... But if your dc is ND a dcat is a great addition...

charge?!! 😆😆