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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be really unhappy at having a cat imposed on us

881 replies

WinkyTinky · 09/09/2024 06:52

Dh wanted to get a cat a couple of years ago. None of the rest of us did, especially DS16 (14 at the time) - neither of the kids have ever wanted a pet or to have an animal that will live in the house in particular. Outside maybe, but not in the house, and I thought that was the end of it.
But yesterday, in comes dh with a pet carrier with a kitten inside, completely unannounced. I'd noticed he had been clearing out the porch on the morning, and i just left him to it, but now I know it was to make space for a litter tray. Ds12 looked at me as if to say, why is this happening? Especially knowing how his brother feels about pets. So I had to go upstairs and let DS16 know there was a cat in the house, it was already mewing quite loudly anyway, but it's a tiny kitten and he could easily have stood on it if he came down the stairs, where it had been sitting out of view. He is already in the middle of a hard and uncertain time leaving school, starting college, anxiety in general as well as dealing with his feelings girl, and also the suicide of a school friend. He ended up crying, not so much about the cat itself, but that his dad had gone against his wishes and got the cat anyway. He went and asked his dad if he just had to accept this, to which the reply was yes, no further conversation. But then I have to deal with all the emotions from ds, not his dad. And as the evening went on, the cat was sitting outside ds's bedroom constantly mewing while he was trying to do his homework for starting college this week. He has very early starts all week and just wanted to get his work done and get to bed. Ds12 was trying to get to sleep, all this while dh was sitting downstairs out of the way with his headphones on watching Jimmy Carr and laughing his head off, oblivious to everything.
I also went to bed, and heard dh downstairs putting the cat in the conservatory, so I could now hear it mewing from my room, not to mention it gets bloody cold in there on a night. Now today dh goes to work (WFH weds Thurs and Fri but out mon and Tuesday) and I have no idea what to do with this kitten while we're all out. DS16 should be home by around 2pm today, but says he doesn't want to come back if the cat is going to be here. Ds12 is going to be here on his own for a couple of hours as he doesn't start school til later this morning, and now he has to think about making sure the cat doesn't escape when he goes out. It's just another layer of worry that we didn't need. I know that lots of animal lovers will think this is a ridiculous overreaction, but it's how the kids feel, and I understand it. And I have to deal with the consequences, not dh. He never has to deal with anything. If anyone has seen any of my other threads, you might get what I mean. All the kids want is to be able to relax a bit when they get home, and DS16 in particular feels like he doesn't have that now, especially at the start of what is going to be a stressful two years of A levels.
Is this a complete overreaction on our part? Is dh well within his rights to get a pet?

OP posts:
namechange1986 · 09/09/2024 07:29

He shouldn't have just brought it home unexpectedly. However, your reactions seem absolutely insane to me.

AgnesX · 09/09/2024 07:29

He needs to return the kitten as your lack of interest - all of you - isn't good for it. An animal needs to be a safe, caring, environment.

That said, it's a kitten, your reaction is ridiculous. I'm assuming you've other problems in your household that this is symptomatic of.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 09/09/2024 07:29

Your 16 year old started crying over a kitten?! Wtf?!?!?!
Agree dh has been a knob but this isn't normal behaviour for a 16 year old.

Wwyd2025 · 09/09/2024 07:30

Wait he's refusing to come home because of the kitten? Hmm

You have much bigger issues here than the cat. You're clearly pandering to your son to much that he's got you right where he wants you.

TheThreeCheesesOfTheApocalypse44 · 09/09/2024 07:31

Well he should have done it but jesus wept ive never heard such drama in my life.......rehome the kitten and teach your kids to get a grip. He brought home a cat......not another woman ffs.

GuestFeatu · 09/09/2024 07:32

Wwyd2025 · 09/09/2024 07:26

the whole thing sounds very dramatic and that your child is ruling your life. I don't blame DH going and getting the cat, HE is the adult not your child.

What about the fact that the other ADULT doesn't want it?

skilpadde · 09/09/2024 07:33

Yes, your DH should be able to get a pet, but in the absence of a family agreement to share it, the care of the pet falls to him. It doesn't sound as though he's prepared for that, so it may be necessary to rehome the cat, poor thing.

The bigger problem seems to be your family dynamic. A cat, if friendly and affectionate, is a great support for mental heath, in both adults and children. The reaction to this kitten arriving seems downright bizarre.

EmpressaurusDeiGatti · 09/09/2024 07:33

That poor kitten.

Your DH is an irresponsible idiot and so is whoever he got it from.

At the very least he should have got your agreement and be taking responsibility for the kitten. Does he even know if it’s had its vaccinations?

Yes, the kitten needs a better home. Most rescues are full to bursting at the moment but hopefully he’ll be able to get one to take it.

LammasEve · 09/09/2024 07:34

Poor little kitten, what has it done to deserve such treatment? Alone, taken from siblings and mum, ignored and apparently left with an adult who has no idea what to do with it and doesn't appear to know Google exists so they can read up quickly.

Please, for all animals' sake, return this poor kitten to where you DH got it from and never, ever consider having an animal ever again. You all sound insane, such an overreaction to a kitten.

Motnight · 09/09/2024 07:34

Wwyd2025 · 09/09/2024 07:26

the whole thing sounds very dramatic and that your child is ruling your life. I don't blame DH going and getting the cat, HE is the adult not your child.

The DH also appears to have abdicated responsibility for this tiny little creature by going away. So an adult but also a selfish idiot.

Stressfordays · 09/09/2024 07:34

This is very bizarre behaviour from all of you tbh. It's a kitten, not a tiger. You OH though should have known really how'd you react and not brought it home. Or brought it home and looked after it properly.

Birdseyetrifle · 09/09/2024 07:36

You all sound quite nasty and ridiculous.

It is a small kitten that’s been taken from its mother and all of you were unkind, uncaring and ignoring it when it was clearly distressed.

People that treat any animal like that are concerning. Awful behaviour.

Your son’s reactions are pathetic.

Wwyd2025 · 09/09/2024 07:36

@GuestFeatu regardless of that, that child's overreaction is really worrying. What kind of 16 year old cries at a kitten and refuses to come home?
One that's spoilt and has their parents wrapped around their finger... that's going to cause so many problems when they're an adult.

Zizanna · 09/09/2024 07:37

Poor kitten. Please return it. Agree with others this is deranged.

AlisonDonut · 09/09/2024 07:37

The poor baby, what did the kitten do to end up in a house of derangement?

Can someone go and see it is ok?

Stressfordays · 09/09/2024 07:37

FWIW, I randomly brought home a puppy 6 months ago without telling anyone or discussing it. My Mum (who is over mine when I work to care for the kids) was slightly annoyed but now adores him. He's now the favourite child.

DDivaStar · 09/09/2024 07:38

This decision should have been made as a family. But your sons reaction is ott, crying because your dh bought a kitten !

When the kitten was outside your sons room why did you not tell your dh to pay some attention to kitten he wanted so much ? Or did you just leave it crying outside your sons door.

Its the kitten I feel sorry for in this.

Butchyrestingface · 09/09/2024 07:39

What did your husband say when you had the inevitable conversation, @WinkyTinky ? What’s his justification for 1) riding roughshod over what everyone else (mainly, YOU) wants and b) ignoring the poor creature when it’s here and crying? He doesn’t sound fit to own a pet, especially a baby one.

The reaction from your son also sounds very dramatic and overblown though. And I say that as someone who is allergic to cats and doesn’t like them. It’s a kitten, not a boa constrictor.

Mamasperspective · 09/09/2024 07:40

If DH isn't around all the time to take care of HIS pet then he needs to take it back or re home it. He's made a decision on behalf of the whole family without agreement which is just selfish and wrong

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 09/09/2024 07:41

Take the cat back. Consider rehoming the husband also. Think about whether some therapy sessions might help your son.
Ignore all the frothing animal lovers on here - they're missing the point entirely. It's not about the cat, it's about your husbands belief that he can unilaterally decide to make more work for you, and his lack of consideration for anyone else's feelings.

ICallPeopleDudeNow · 09/09/2024 07:42

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 09/09/2024 07:41

Take the cat back. Consider rehoming the husband also. Think about whether some therapy sessions might help your son.
Ignore all the frothing animal lovers on here - they're missing the point entirely. It's not about the cat, it's about your husbands belief that he can unilaterally decide to make more work for you, and his lack of consideration for anyone else's feelings.

Bingo!

WinkyTinky · 09/09/2024 07:43

To those commenting on DS's possibly neuro diversity, yes, he very probably is ND. He's also going through a tough time with many things, and I am trying my best to support him and help him find some relief from his feelings. To have this happen, which might seem like nothing to most people, is one more thing to stress him out, knowing that his dad is fully aware of him not wanting a pet and going ahead and getting one anyway. Also, he is as concerned as I am about this kitten and what it needs and why it's mewing so much. I don't even know where the poor thing is! Dh has gone to work and not said a word. I can see he's left food and milk and the litter tray in the conservatory, but as lots of you have said, it's not just the practical things, this poor tiny kitten has only recently left its mum, and the person who is supposed to be responsible for giving it a home has gone out for the entire day. Am I now taking the day off to try and care for this kitten?

OP posts:
Izzy24 · 09/09/2024 07:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

What a ridiculous comment.

They’re not unhinged at all, just reacting to having a situation imposed on them despite previous discussion.

glittercunt · 09/09/2024 07:46

Don't give it milk... DH is a total twat if he thinks that's OK. Cats are lactose intolerant!

DH is a total price for doing this when feelings are so strong.

FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 09/09/2024 07:47

Poor kitten. Your husband is a selfish ass. The rest of you aren't any better to let a defenseless tiny animal suffer.
Take it back to wherever he got it so they can find a loving home.
Your son is ridiculous. 16 years old crying over a kitten. Your comment about he could have stood on it, that wasn't off handed. Genuinely sounds like animal cruelty wouldn't be far away in that household.