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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be really unhappy at having a cat imposed on us

881 replies

WinkyTinky · 09/09/2024 06:52

Dh wanted to get a cat a couple of years ago. None of the rest of us did, especially DS16 (14 at the time) - neither of the kids have ever wanted a pet or to have an animal that will live in the house in particular. Outside maybe, but not in the house, and I thought that was the end of it.
But yesterday, in comes dh with a pet carrier with a kitten inside, completely unannounced. I'd noticed he had been clearing out the porch on the morning, and i just left him to it, but now I know it was to make space for a litter tray. Ds12 looked at me as if to say, why is this happening? Especially knowing how his brother feels about pets. So I had to go upstairs and let DS16 know there was a cat in the house, it was already mewing quite loudly anyway, but it's a tiny kitten and he could easily have stood on it if he came down the stairs, where it had been sitting out of view. He is already in the middle of a hard and uncertain time leaving school, starting college, anxiety in general as well as dealing with his feelings girl, and also the suicide of a school friend. He ended up crying, not so much about the cat itself, but that his dad had gone against his wishes and got the cat anyway. He went and asked his dad if he just had to accept this, to which the reply was yes, no further conversation. But then I have to deal with all the emotions from ds, not his dad. And as the evening went on, the cat was sitting outside ds's bedroom constantly mewing while he was trying to do his homework for starting college this week. He has very early starts all week and just wanted to get his work done and get to bed. Ds12 was trying to get to sleep, all this while dh was sitting downstairs out of the way with his headphones on watching Jimmy Carr and laughing his head off, oblivious to everything.
I also went to bed, and heard dh downstairs putting the cat in the conservatory, so I could now hear it mewing from my room, not to mention it gets bloody cold in there on a night. Now today dh goes to work (WFH weds Thurs and Fri but out mon and Tuesday) and I have no idea what to do with this kitten while we're all out. DS16 should be home by around 2pm today, but says he doesn't want to come back if the cat is going to be here. Ds12 is going to be here on his own for a couple of hours as he doesn't start school til later this morning, and now he has to think about making sure the cat doesn't escape when he goes out. It's just another layer of worry that we didn't need. I know that lots of animal lovers will think this is a ridiculous overreaction, but it's how the kids feel, and I understand it. And I have to deal with the consequences, not dh. He never has to deal with anything. If anyone has seen any of my other threads, you might get what I mean. All the kids want is to be able to relax a bit when they get home, and DS16 in particular feels like he doesn't have that now, especially at the start of what is going to be a stressful two years of A levels.
Is this a complete overreaction on our part? Is dh well within his rights to get a pet?

OP posts:
Americano75 · 16/10/2024 10:26

WinkyTinky · 16/10/2024 09:39

Just an update on Max. I can't help but love him to bits. I think about him when I'm at work, and have a chat (in our own shared language) and a cuddle with him when I get home. He does have his bitey scratchy moments, and has destroyed several things in the house, but nevertheless I feel actual love for him. He had his injections and microchips yesterday and we sat together all night holding hands.

Ah, he got you. How lovely.

Goldbar · 16/10/2024 10:41

What a lovely update 😍.

Oxforddictionary12 · 16/10/2024 10:49

Best update ever ❤️

WinkyTinky · 16/10/2024 10:52

Thanks everyone. It's still work in progress with DS16. In a way he has been proved right with the destruction and the disruption to certain routines, but he's kind to Max and cares about him, so please don't worry in that regard. DS12 loves him, but is wary at times when he has his mad half hour and hurtles around the house getting his claws out when trying to have a gentle stroke. Oh, and he has a habit of sitting on DS12's homework sheets and exercise books at every opportunity. Right in the middle of it! dH still goes off and does his own thing at all times, so no change there. But yes, I have been drawn in, dammit!

OP posts:
Goldbar · 16/10/2024 10:53

And how is rehoming your "D"H going?

Any takers yet?

Davros · 16/10/2024 11:04

@Goldbar 😹 that's going to be tough

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 16/10/2024 11:07

That sounds like everyone is coping and things are ok... Despite the rubbish way the cat was given a place in your family.
So I'm glad for you and the kids and the cat though your DH... 🤯👀🤡🙄
I think you are a very tolerant lady op.

Sunflowermoonbeam · 16/10/2024 11:10

Please be kind to thos creature even though you clearly don't want it. It has probably already been ripped away from its mother and doesn't deserve to treated poorly by people that don't care for animals

Sunflowermoonbeam · 16/10/2024 11:12

Just seen your update. I'm so glad he's wormed his way into your heart. Cats are the best 👌

mcmooberry · 16/10/2024 11:48

Aw lovely update, he sounds like a lovely snuggly cat holding paws with you like that! I think I kept my opinion to myself previously but I honestly believe having a cat or cats in the house is so good for everyone's mental health, ours has peed on my uncleanable-due-to-material sofa (the first day she arrived) and ripped up the stair carpet but we all love her so much.

Floppyelf · 16/10/2024 11:49

Bide your time @WinkyTinky and dump the husband

Purplebunnie · 16/10/2024 11:58

Aww love the update. Pleased it worked out for YOU in the end. Wouldn't be without our two.

Can recommend getting a spot cleaner for the odd mishap, fur balls, sick etc. Also very useful now potty training the DGC. It's so quick and easy to clean up a mess

Ohnobackagain · 16/10/2024 17:42

Goldbar · 16/10/2024 10:53

And how is rehoming your "D"H going?

Any takers yet?

Naughty @Goldbar 😂😂😂😂
yes @WinkyTinky dump DH, keep the cat 🤔

GenAvocadoOnToast · 16/10/2024 18:19

I'm so pleased to read your update. My cat genuinely turned my life around.

Best not to touch them during their mad half hour, all gloves are off Grin but mine loves chasing balls while demonically possessed.

SallyWD · 16/10/2024 20:56

I'm really happy to read your update. I couldn't imagine how someone wouldn't fall in love with a cat!

Roryno · 16/10/2024 21:53

Awww fabulous updates! ❤️❤️

This is one of mine helping DS with GCSE revision. And they do love sitting in/on paper or cardboard. They love a cardboard box!

To be really unhappy at having a cat imposed on us
Agapornis · 16/10/2024 22:08

You need to pretend to read one bit of paper that you don't mind Max sitting on, then get the real one out once he's sat down 😅 or offer a box. Or an open laptop. Or a keyboard.

For zoomies I tire mine out with a laser up and down the stairs, and into the garden at dusk/once dark. Mind you, two neighbouring cats now wait at the backdoor to play with the laser, too...

Glad it's working out and that Max is chipped and vaccinated!

Comingupriver · 16/10/2024 22:10

It all sounds bonkers. The poor little kitten.

Comingupriver · 16/10/2024 22:14

I take it back. A happy ending for Max. I’m delighted for you all.

sandyhappypeople · 16/10/2024 22:42

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 16/10/2024 11:07

That sounds like everyone is coping and things are ok... Despite the rubbish way the cat was given a place in your family.
So I'm glad for you and the kids and the cat though your DH... 🤯👀🤡🙄
I think you are a very tolerant lady op.

It was only rubbish because they were adamant they didn't want a cat, without being open minded to it. I suspect that without DH doing it this way a cat would never ever have got through the front door, seeing as OP had been batting the idea into the long grass for years. DH obviously thought that a cat would make a good addition to the home, so took a chance on a way to make it happen.

I'm really glad you gave it a chance OP and I'm glad it's working out for you.

WinkyTinky · 17/10/2024 10:57

Thanks all for your replies!

@Goldbar The rehoming of dH is still on the to-do list...

@CleopatrasBeautifulNose you're right, I am very tolerant! And he is indeed a clown...

@GenAvocadoOnToast yeah, we try to just keep out of the way when it's mad half hour time. I enjoyed not having that the other night when he just wanted to sleep and hold hands 😅

@Roryno They do seem to know where the busiest person in the house is and completely target them! I gave him a small cardboard box when he first arrived and he does like to get in there for a snuggle. He also likes his little cardboard tunnels as well, but they keep going missing. (dH throws them away...)

@Agapornis Zoomies!!! 😄

@sandyhappypeople Without going into too much detail, there is more than meets the eye with his decision to bring the cat in. In the meantime, I will love the cat as he deserves.

OP posts:
AnonymousBleep · 17/10/2024 10:59

Love your update. Gorgeous Max!

Davros · 17/10/2024 11:05

Your DH has provided his own replacement. And one who doesn't need to have his clothes washed

diddl · 17/10/2024 11:12

Glad things are settling down.

Is your husband doing anything for the kitty now?

WinkyTinky · 17/10/2024 11:14

@Davros Ha ha, that's how I feel. You know when you rumble along in life and then you give birth and see your baby, you feel that "ohhhhhh, THIS is what love feels like!" feeling? It's that.
As for dH's washing, I haven't done that for years. Apart from the other day when I had to re-wash his washing as he had left it in the machine too long, hung it all around the house to dry which stunk to high heaven, then promptly went off on his jollies for the weekend. Small rant over.

OP posts: