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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be really unhappy at having a cat imposed on us

881 replies

WinkyTinky · 09/09/2024 06:52

Dh wanted to get a cat a couple of years ago. None of the rest of us did, especially DS16 (14 at the time) - neither of the kids have ever wanted a pet or to have an animal that will live in the house in particular. Outside maybe, but not in the house, and I thought that was the end of it.
But yesterday, in comes dh with a pet carrier with a kitten inside, completely unannounced. I'd noticed he had been clearing out the porch on the morning, and i just left him to it, but now I know it was to make space for a litter tray. Ds12 looked at me as if to say, why is this happening? Especially knowing how his brother feels about pets. So I had to go upstairs and let DS16 know there was a cat in the house, it was already mewing quite loudly anyway, but it's a tiny kitten and he could easily have stood on it if he came down the stairs, where it had been sitting out of view. He is already in the middle of a hard and uncertain time leaving school, starting college, anxiety in general as well as dealing with his feelings girl, and also the suicide of a school friend. He ended up crying, not so much about the cat itself, but that his dad had gone against his wishes and got the cat anyway. He went and asked his dad if he just had to accept this, to which the reply was yes, no further conversation. But then I have to deal with all the emotions from ds, not his dad. And as the evening went on, the cat was sitting outside ds's bedroom constantly mewing while he was trying to do his homework for starting college this week. He has very early starts all week and just wanted to get his work done and get to bed. Ds12 was trying to get to sleep, all this while dh was sitting downstairs out of the way with his headphones on watching Jimmy Carr and laughing his head off, oblivious to everything.
I also went to bed, and heard dh downstairs putting the cat in the conservatory, so I could now hear it mewing from my room, not to mention it gets bloody cold in there on a night. Now today dh goes to work (WFH weds Thurs and Fri but out mon and Tuesday) and I have no idea what to do with this kitten while we're all out. DS16 should be home by around 2pm today, but says he doesn't want to come back if the cat is going to be here. Ds12 is going to be here on his own for a couple of hours as he doesn't start school til later this morning, and now he has to think about making sure the cat doesn't escape when he goes out. It's just another layer of worry that we didn't need. I know that lots of animal lovers will think this is a ridiculous overreaction, but it's how the kids feel, and I understand it. And I have to deal with the consequences, not dh. He never has to deal with anything. If anyone has seen any of my other threads, you might get what I mean. All the kids want is to be able to relax a bit when they get home, and DS16 in particular feels like he doesn't have that now, especially at the start of what is going to be a stressful two years of A levels.
Is this a complete overreaction on our part? Is dh well within his rights to get a pet?

OP posts:
offyoujollywelltrot · 09/09/2024 06:54

Your husband is an idiot and he needs to re-home the kitten.

ManchesterGirl2 · 09/09/2024 06:57

You're husband has no right to decide to bring a pet into your house without your agreement. I'd be telling him to take it back.

Chickadeep · 09/09/2024 06:58

You don't get to just turn up with a pet!! What has he actually said about this since he brought it back? Sounds like radio silence or has there been talk about the care the cat needs and his plans?

In real life though, I'd be giving a mewing kitten a cuddle... but I like animals!

stripybobblehat · 09/09/2024 06:58

Sorry? Your DH just randomly bought a cat??

Is he otherwise well? This seems such a spur of the moment decision.

Sfxde24 · 09/09/2024 06:59

Your DH is a dick. He’s brought a tiny frightened animal into his house and is ignoring it. A new kitten needs careful settling in. A safe place that is warm and loving.

My new kitten wasn’t even left alone for a few weeks when he arrived. Poor cat.

Bit weird your sons feel so strongly though. Cats aren’t that much disruption. They might even grow fond of it. Kittens are so adorable.

stripybobblehat · 09/09/2024 07:00

Has he bought insurance for it?

BlueyTuesdays · 09/09/2024 07:00

Can you quite simply take the kitten back to where he bought it from today while your husband is out at work, assuming you have the time to do so - even if it means you taking a morning off work yourself.

just deal with it straight up, no debate. Why did he buy a kitten if he’s then going to ignore it with his headphones on and put it in a cold room overnight? That’s cruel and he’s not a fit owner.

then consider if this is normal behaviour for your husband and if so maybe consider what happens next in your marriage.

Mercurial123 · 09/09/2024 07:00

Your husband is selfish and irresponsible. Hopefully, the kitten finds a home where it is loved.

Serencwtch · 09/09/2024 07:00

You are not being unreasonable to be upset with DH as that was unacceptable of him to do that, however I think you are massively over reacting over the impact this kitten is having. A cat is not going to disrupt a child's education. Also pets can be really helpful to children with mental health struggles.
I think there a lot going on in your family and it's being projected onto this kitten. You need to sit down & work this out. If it's something that's very important to DH then consider making it work as a family. Personally I can't imagine living in a household where there were no pets & caring for a living thing is important for DC.

You seem to be the one giving the message to DC that the cat is something awful. I just hope DH looks after this cat & the poor thing isn't neglected.

TinyYellow · 09/09/2024 07:01

Re home the cat when your selfish arse of a DH goes to work.

Londonrach1 · 09/09/2024 07:03

Poor kitten. Been taken from it's mum and put in a cold conservatory and ignored. Please re-home it to a family who love and interact with it. Your DS reaction is very strange though. Pets are great for mental health and will not disturb his studying. Your dh shouldn't have bought the kitten without family agreement

Debtandmoredebt · 09/09/2024 07:04

Why would a cat disrupt education?

I think regardless of the wrongs and rights about bringing a pet into a house, the whole situation is very dramatic.

Cherrysoup · 09/09/2024 07:06

Aren’t you supposed to get 2 at a time? Your ds’s reaction-crying-is possibly a little OTT? Is he nd?

Id be furious if dh brought home an animal without discussion. You could, given his behaviour, re-home it without discussion. Very tempting. Would he listen if you had a family meeting?

MelainesLaugh · 09/09/2024 07:07

I think it’s a massive overreaction from your children, it’s a kitten. It’s not like he brought home a massive vicious dog.

I bet within a week everyone will be cuddling the kitten

Intriguedbythis · 09/09/2024 07:07

Your son’s behaviour sounds really weird by having such an extreme reaction to a kitten. Against his wishes, he’s a child? Why shouldn’t your partner who presumably works and provides j house/ half of house have an animal if it makes him happy. Cats are super low maintenance and gorgeous. I actually think you and your kids are being very controlling and rigid. Live a little

Cherryana · 09/09/2024 07:11

If you want to look after it. It should be in one room in your house for at least a week. It needs to be fed three times a day on kitten food. You need to scoop the poop daily. I prefer to dog poo pick with a compostable bag.

But…I don’t think you should keep this kitten. Pets are not meant to cause so much distress. You husband has been unreasonable with his surprise and his lack of care for the pet and his family.

ilovesooty · 09/09/2024 07:20

Your husband has been utterly irresponsible. Poor kitten. Where did he get it from?

NiftyKoala · 09/09/2024 07:22

DH definitely should not be bringing hone a cat this way. But your son's reaction makes me think maybe he needs to see someone for anxiety.

ICallPeopleDudeNow · 09/09/2024 07:22

I can't believe 24% of people think YABU! Getting a pet is a family or household decision. You certainly don't just turn up with one and then leave it for everyone else to deal with. You're married to an idiot - and a nasty one at that.

EasySkankin · 09/09/2024 07:22

I think your husband was unreasonable for marrying you in the first place. I would never agree ‘to death do us part’ with someone who didn’t love pets. It seems awful - the idea of a home without a cat. Maybe he is annoyed that you’ve passed your irrational dislike of cats onto your children and is hoping that your child has his frosty heart warmed up by the kitten?

I don’t thInk you are a compatible couple though, and he is being the unreasonable one.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 09/09/2024 07:23

Just take the kitten back to wherever he got it from or re-home it and tell him not to pull a stunt like that again.

SwiftiesVSLestat · 09/09/2024 07:25

I think Dh is an idiot to do this.

But I also think the family are being very dramatic. He should have spoken to you and he should be home to look after the kitten. But people being worried about what the teenager will say and feel is weird, the concerns about disrupting his education and so on, is very over the top.

GuestFeatu · 09/09/2024 07:26

Does your husband do things like this often? He sounds utterly selfish and irresponsible. The kitten needs to go back where she came from poor thing.

Wwyd2025 · 09/09/2024 07:26

the whole thing sounds very dramatic and that your child is ruling your life. I don't blame DH going and getting the cat, HE is the adult not your child.

Cobblersorchard · 09/09/2024 07:29

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