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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be really unhappy at having a cat imposed on us

881 replies

WinkyTinky · 09/09/2024 06:52

Dh wanted to get a cat a couple of years ago. None of the rest of us did, especially DS16 (14 at the time) - neither of the kids have ever wanted a pet or to have an animal that will live in the house in particular. Outside maybe, but not in the house, and I thought that was the end of it.
But yesterday, in comes dh with a pet carrier with a kitten inside, completely unannounced. I'd noticed he had been clearing out the porch on the morning, and i just left him to it, but now I know it was to make space for a litter tray. Ds12 looked at me as if to say, why is this happening? Especially knowing how his brother feels about pets. So I had to go upstairs and let DS16 know there was a cat in the house, it was already mewing quite loudly anyway, but it's a tiny kitten and he could easily have stood on it if he came down the stairs, where it had been sitting out of view. He is already in the middle of a hard and uncertain time leaving school, starting college, anxiety in general as well as dealing with his feelings girl, and also the suicide of a school friend. He ended up crying, not so much about the cat itself, but that his dad had gone against his wishes and got the cat anyway. He went and asked his dad if he just had to accept this, to which the reply was yes, no further conversation. But then I have to deal with all the emotions from ds, not his dad. And as the evening went on, the cat was sitting outside ds's bedroom constantly mewing while he was trying to do his homework for starting college this week. He has very early starts all week and just wanted to get his work done and get to bed. Ds12 was trying to get to sleep, all this while dh was sitting downstairs out of the way with his headphones on watching Jimmy Carr and laughing his head off, oblivious to everything.
I also went to bed, and heard dh downstairs putting the cat in the conservatory, so I could now hear it mewing from my room, not to mention it gets bloody cold in there on a night. Now today dh goes to work (WFH weds Thurs and Fri but out mon and Tuesday) and I have no idea what to do with this kitten while we're all out. DS16 should be home by around 2pm today, but says he doesn't want to come back if the cat is going to be here. Ds12 is going to be here on his own for a couple of hours as he doesn't start school til later this morning, and now he has to think about making sure the cat doesn't escape when he goes out. It's just another layer of worry that we didn't need. I know that lots of animal lovers will think this is a ridiculous overreaction, but it's how the kids feel, and I understand it. And I have to deal with the consequences, not dh. He never has to deal with anything. If anyone has seen any of my other threads, you might get what I mean. All the kids want is to be able to relax a bit when they get home, and DS16 in particular feels like he doesn't have that now, especially at the start of what is going to be a stressful two years of A levels.
Is this a complete overreaction on our part? Is dh well within his rights to get a pet?

OP posts:
FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 17/10/2024 11:23

Make sure his chip is registered to you, then he’s yours legally.

ilovesooty · 17/10/2024 12:44

WinkyTinky · 17/10/2024 11:14

@Davros Ha ha, that's how I feel. You know when you rumble along in life and then you give birth and see your baby, you feel that "ohhhhhh, THIS is what love feels like!" feeling? It's that.
As for dH's washing, I haven't done that for years. Apart from the other day when I had to re-wash his washing as he had left it in the machine too long, hung it all around the house to dry which stunk to high heaven, then promptly went off on his jollies for the weekend. Small rant over.

Next time dump his manky clothes in a bin bag in the garden.

I'm so pleased to hear your update on Max.

AlleycatMarie · 17/10/2024 17:26

Love these updates @WinkyTinky ! Cats are very good at making you fall in love with them! Despite the zoomies, the bites and the destruction of furniture, they are cute, adorable and I can’t live without them!

EmpressaurusDeiGatti · 17/10/2024 17:37

Just caught up with the thread. I’m so happy for you & Max.

Cat2488 · 30/01/2025 17:35

WinkyTinky · 09/09/2024 07:43

To those commenting on DS's possibly neuro diversity, yes, he very probably is ND. He's also going through a tough time with many things, and I am trying my best to support him and help him find some relief from his feelings. To have this happen, which might seem like nothing to most people, is one more thing to stress him out, knowing that his dad is fully aware of him not wanting a pet and going ahead and getting one anyway. Also, he is as concerned as I am about this kitten and what it needs and why it's mewing so much. I don't even know where the poor thing is! Dh has gone to work and not said a word. I can see he's left food and milk and the litter tray in the conservatory, but as lots of you have said, it's not just the practical things, this poor tiny kitten has only recently left its mum, and the person who is supposed to be responsible for giving it a home has gone out for the entire day. Am I now taking the day off to try and care for this kitten?

Is there marriage issues or other stressors. Has he done this to deliberately wind you up or make some kind of point? Is he like this often ? Or had he thought it would make a good companion to help your son ? Either way there is no communication. It sounds very stressful there but you are right he shouldn't be doing that stuff to you or the kitten or your children.
I would take deep breaths and rehome the kitten to a family that wants it. Cats are not always good for mental health so dont buy into that . And then to move forward maybe a discussion with your husband about it. Just explain to your son that it won't be there long and your fostering it or something before it goess to it's new home. Keep calm about it all . It will be OK and get sorted.

EmpressaurusDeiGatti · 30/01/2025 18:00

Cat2488 · 30/01/2025 17:35

Is there marriage issues or other stressors. Has he done this to deliberately wind you up or make some kind of point? Is he like this often ? Or had he thought it would make a good companion to help your son ? Either way there is no communication. It sounds very stressful there but you are right he shouldn't be doing that stuff to you or the kitten or your children.
I would take deep breaths and rehome the kitten to a family that wants it. Cats are not always good for mental health so dont buy into that . And then to move forward maybe a discussion with your husband about it. Just explain to your son that it won't be there long and your fostering it or something before it goess to it's new home. Keep calm about it all . It will be OK and get sorted.

Go back and read the OP’s posts, @Cat2488. She’s fallen in love with the kitten & is very sensibly thinking about rehoming her DH instead.

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