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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be really unhappy at having a cat imposed on us

881 replies

WinkyTinky · 09/09/2024 06:52

Dh wanted to get a cat a couple of years ago. None of the rest of us did, especially DS16 (14 at the time) - neither of the kids have ever wanted a pet or to have an animal that will live in the house in particular. Outside maybe, but not in the house, and I thought that was the end of it.
But yesterday, in comes dh with a pet carrier with a kitten inside, completely unannounced. I'd noticed he had been clearing out the porch on the morning, and i just left him to it, but now I know it was to make space for a litter tray. Ds12 looked at me as if to say, why is this happening? Especially knowing how his brother feels about pets. So I had to go upstairs and let DS16 know there was a cat in the house, it was already mewing quite loudly anyway, but it's a tiny kitten and he could easily have stood on it if he came down the stairs, where it had been sitting out of view. He is already in the middle of a hard and uncertain time leaving school, starting college, anxiety in general as well as dealing with his feelings girl, and also the suicide of a school friend. He ended up crying, not so much about the cat itself, but that his dad had gone against his wishes and got the cat anyway. He went and asked his dad if he just had to accept this, to which the reply was yes, no further conversation. But then I have to deal with all the emotions from ds, not his dad. And as the evening went on, the cat was sitting outside ds's bedroom constantly mewing while he was trying to do his homework for starting college this week. He has very early starts all week and just wanted to get his work done and get to bed. Ds12 was trying to get to sleep, all this while dh was sitting downstairs out of the way with his headphones on watching Jimmy Carr and laughing his head off, oblivious to everything.
I also went to bed, and heard dh downstairs putting the cat in the conservatory, so I could now hear it mewing from my room, not to mention it gets bloody cold in there on a night. Now today dh goes to work (WFH weds Thurs and Fri but out mon and Tuesday) and I have no idea what to do with this kitten while we're all out. DS16 should be home by around 2pm today, but says he doesn't want to come back if the cat is going to be here. Ds12 is going to be here on his own for a couple of hours as he doesn't start school til later this morning, and now he has to think about making sure the cat doesn't escape when he goes out. It's just another layer of worry that we didn't need. I know that lots of animal lovers will think this is a ridiculous overreaction, but it's how the kids feel, and I understand it. And I have to deal with the consequences, not dh. He never has to deal with anything. If anyone has seen any of my other threads, you might get what I mean. All the kids want is to be able to relax a bit when they get home, and DS16 in particular feels like he doesn't have that now, especially at the start of what is going to be a stressful two years of A levels.
Is this a complete overreaction on our part? Is dh well within his rights to get a pet?

OP posts:
Evilartsgrad · 17/09/2024 22:01

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Runnerinthenight · 17/09/2024 22:05

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Are non-cat lovers really that nasty and ignorant???

I've come across plenty of people who disliked pets but once they got to know one, they realised how much fun and love they give to their humans.

But please don't get one - no cat or dog deserves it. You're the one lacking in imagination if you fail to understand what a pet means to its owner and whether you like it or not, you're the one missing out.

Evilartsgrad · 17/09/2024 22:12

Runnerinthenight · 17/09/2024 22:05

Are non-cat lovers really that nasty and ignorant???

I've come across plenty of people who disliked pets but once they got to know one, they realised how much fun and love they give to their humans.

But please don't get one - no cat or dog deserves it. You're the one lacking in imagination if you fail to understand what a pet means to its owner and whether you like it or not, you're the one missing out.

Oh, give over. 🙄 I never said a word about pet owners, you are projecting wildly. Just stop telling everyone that they must think as you do. It's not bloody difficult , really it isn't.

thedefinitionofmadness · 17/09/2024 22:12

We have a cat and we all adore her, some of us despite ourselves.

However @Runnerinthenight that only applies to my own cat, the one we chose to take on. I'd be extremely pissed off if DH turned up with another, or worse, a dog. I can see why other people enjoy them but it is simply not true that they change everyone's life for the better.

Evilartsgrad · 17/09/2024 22:15

thedefinitionofmadness · 17/09/2024 22:12

We have a cat and we all adore her, some of us despite ourselves.

However @Runnerinthenight that only applies to my own cat, the one we chose to take on. I'd be extremely pissed off if DH turned up with another, or worse, a dog. I can see why other people enjoy them but it is simply not true that they change everyone's life for the better.

But apparently you are ignorant mean and nasty for daring to think that . Who knew?

Runnerinthenight · 17/09/2024 22:27

Evilartsgrad · 17/09/2024 22:12

Oh, give over. 🙄 I never said a word about pet owners, you are projecting wildly. Just stop telling everyone that they must think as you do. It's not bloody difficult , really it isn't.

Edited

So that you can sit there and tell people what to do, and that they must think like you do?

Right. What a load of horseshit.

@thedefinitionofmadness - you have just underlined my point. You got a cat and you adore her.

I wouldn't be happy if DH came home with another pet, as we already have three cats. However, we were grown up about it and had discussions before we did adopt them. DH wasn't that enthusiastic to begin with about getting a third, but when he saw our proposed rescue boy, he fell head over heels same as the rest of us did.

I love any cats, mostly mine, but I take pleasure from seeing and bonding with the neighbours' cats, and we all look out for each others' cats too.

They absolutely enrich our lives in so many ways. If you can't see why people love their pets, that's on you.

Runnerinthenight · 17/09/2024 22:29

Evilartsgrad · 17/09/2024 22:15

But apparently you are ignorant mean and nasty for daring to think that . Who knew?

😂

The "ignorant and nasty" tag was only in response to your, "Are cat lovers really all this thick skinned and unimaginative?" which was casting aspersions on me personally!!

thedefinitionofmadness · 17/09/2024 22:43

Runnerinthenight · 17/09/2024 22:27

So that you can sit there and tell people what to do, and that they must think like you do?

Right. What a load of horseshit.

@thedefinitionofmadness - you have just underlined my point. You got a cat and you adore her.

I wouldn't be happy if DH came home with another pet, as we already have three cats. However, we were grown up about it and had discussions before we did adopt them. DH wasn't that enthusiastic to begin with about getting a third, but when he saw our proposed rescue boy, he fell head over heels same as the rest of us did.

I love any cats, mostly mine, but I take pleasure from seeing and bonding with the neighbours' cats, and we all look out for each others' cats too.

They absolutely enrich our lives in so many ways. If you can't see why people love their pets, that's on you.

No, @Runnerinthenight you're only reading what you want to and hellbent on making a point.

We chose to go and get the cat, we'd all agreed. I can see in the abstract why people like pets, but I actively dislike and a bit revolted by a lot of animals. Even our cat is a mixed blessing.

pinkstripeycat · 17/09/2024 22:51

You’d better hope he isn’t one of those cats who brings in dead things. I’ve had cats and kittens for over 50 years (sometimes 3 at a time) and in all that time only my current one is a killer.

He brings in rats, whole, doesn’t eat them. Mice: eats them but leaves the gall bladder and birds, mostly eats them and leaves a pile of feathers. Most upsetting when he just kills a bird and leaves it lying around. Not often thankfully.

Once a small bird of prey swooped down in to our garden to try and grab him and he leapt in the air to try and grab the bird. It was chaos when bird realised the car was going to fight back.

Runnerinthenight · 17/09/2024 23:27

thedefinitionofmadness · 17/09/2024 22:43

No, @Runnerinthenight you're only reading what you want to and hellbent on making a point.

We chose to go and get the cat, we'd all agreed. I can see in the abstract why people like pets, but I actively dislike and a bit revolted by a lot of animals. Even our cat is a mixed blessing.

You're wrong. Good night.

queenofguineapigs · 18/09/2024 09:58

Runnerinthenight · 17/09/2024 22:05

Are non-cat lovers really that nasty and ignorant???

I've come across plenty of people who disliked pets but once they got to know one, they realised how much fun and love they give to their humans.

But please don't get one - no cat or dog deserves it. You're the one lacking in imagination if you fail to understand what a pet means to its owner and whether you like it or not, you're the one missing out.

If I made a list of the pro's of having a pet and the con's, the list of con's would be significantly longer than the pro's.

Having a pet is a hobby/past-time. People might like playing netball, or crocheting tops for letterboxes, or running, or singing in a local choir. There's no need to get so emotional about whether people like the same hobby as you or not.

Zizanna · 18/09/2024 10:01

How is the poor kitten now? I think OP either need to commit to care for him properly or do the kind thing and rehome.

Runnerinthenight · 18/09/2024 21:39

queenofguineapigs · 18/09/2024 09:58

If I made a list of the pro's of having a pet and the con's, the list of con's would be significantly longer than the pro's.

Having a pet is a hobby/past-time. People might like playing netball, or crocheting tops for letterboxes, or running, or singing in a local choir. There's no need to get so emotional about whether people like the same hobby as you or not.

No you don't need to get emotional.

My pros are significantly longer than cons. Pets aren't just a "hobby" either. That's just ignorant.

Juliebradwildlife · 19/09/2024 01:38

This is weird. When I wanted a dog, My husband compromised and we set up important duties I would be fully responsible for. He loves me and knows how important having a dog was to me. Your grown child who will be going to college soon is so adamant against a cat is a bit weird. Actually a lot weird. Why does he care? He’s not being expected to care for it or pay for it…seriously why does he even have a say? I’d be more concerned about his bizarre reaction to the cat than anything else.

Evilartsgrad · 19/09/2024 19:10

Runnerinthenight · 17/09/2024 22:29

😂

The "ignorant and nasty" tag was only in response to your, "Are cat lovers really all this thick skinned and unimaginative?" which was casting aspersions on me personally!!

And yet you continue to insult me AND say I'm trying to impose my view? But it's OK for you to do it somehow. Hmm.
To repeat, I. Do. Not. Think. You. Should. Think. The. Way. I. Do. But. Accept. That. Others. Think Differently. To. You.
Clear now?

Runnerinthenight · 19/09/2024 19:35

Evilartsgrad · 19/09/2024 19:10

And yet you continue to insult me AND say I'm trying to impose my view? But it's OK for you to do it somehow. Hmm.
To repeat, I. Do. Not. Think. You. Should. Think. The. Way. I. Do. But. Accept. That. Others. Think Differently. To. You.
Clear now?

😂

Elkle · 19/09/2024 20:06

Evilartsgrad · 19/09/2024 19:10

And yet you continue to insult me AND say I'm trying to impose my view? But it's OK for you to do it somehow. Hmm.
To repeat, I. Do. Not. Think. You. Should. Think. The. Way. I. Do. But. Accept. That. Others. Think Differently. To. You.
Clear now?

Well said!

Harry12345 · 19/09/2024 20:10

Evilartsgrad · 19/09/2024 19:10

And yet you continue to insult me AND say I'm trying to impose my view? But it's OK for you to do it somehow. Hmm.
To repeat, I. Do. Not. Think. You. Should. Think. The. Way. I. Do. But. Accept. That. Others. Think Differently. To. You.
Clear now?

👏

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 19/09/2024 21:36

It's such a shame ' we ' are all squabbling amongst ourselves, when there is a living creature at the center of this thread - Max the kitten.

Many of us are hoping the Op @WinkyTinky returns to let us know what is happening with / to Max

Runnerinthenight · 20/09/2024 23:15

Elkle · 19/09/2024 20:06

Well said!

😂

WinkyTinky · 16/10/2024 09:39

Just an update on Max. I can't help but love him to bits. I think about him when I'm at work, and have a chat (in our own shared language) and a cuddle with him when I get home. He does have his bitey scratchy moments, and has destroyed several things in the house, but nevertheless I feel actual love for him. He had his injections and microchips yesterday and we sat together all night holding hands.

To be really unhappy at having a cat imposed on us
OP posts:
ThisHangryPinkBalonz · 16/10/2024 09:40

WinkyTinky · 16/10/2024 09:39

Just an update on Max. I can't help but love him to bits. I think about him when I'm at work, and have a chat (in our own shared language) and a cuddle with him when I get home. He does have his bitey scratchy moments, and has destroyed several things in the house, but nevertheless I feel actual love for him. He had his injections and microchips yesterday and we sat together all night holding hands.

Awww lovely update OP 😍

Davros · 16/10/2024 09:53

I love that photo. Having a pet can bring great benefits, especially to children but they are also a responsibility. I think our cat saved DD's mental health from tipping over the wrong way, she's her best friend!

CatChant · 16/10/2024 10:05

I am so glad, OP. What a lovely update and photo.

Oldtigernidster · 16/10/2024 10:09

I’m so delighted for you and Max.