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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be really unhappy at having a cat imposed on us

881 replies

WinkyTinky · 09/09/2024 06:52

Dh wanted to get a cat a couple of years ago. None of the rest of us did, especially DS16 (14 at the time) - neither of the kids have ever wanted a pet or to have an animal that will live in the house in particular. Outside maybe, but not in the house, and I thought that was the end of it.
But yesterday, in comes dh with a pet carrier with a kitten inside, completely unannounced. I'd noticed he had been clearing out the porch on the morning, and i just left him to it, but now I know it was to make space for a litter tray. Ds12 looked at me as if to say, why is this happening? Especially knowing how his brother feels about pets. So I had to go upstairs and let DS16 know there was a cat in the house, it was already mewing quite loudly anyway, but it's a tiny kitten and he could easily have stood on it if he came down the stairs, where it had been sitting out of view. He is already in the middle of a hard and uncertain time leaving school, starting college, anxiety in general as well as dealing with his feelings girl, and also the suicide of a school friend. He ended up crying, not so much about the cat itself, but that his dad had gone against his wishes and got the cat anyway. He went and asked his dad if he just had to accept this, to which the reply was yes, no further conversation. But then I have to deal with all the emotions from ds, not his dad. And as the evening went on, the cat was sitting outside ds's bedroom constantly mewing while he was trying to do his homework for starting college this week. He has very early starts all week and just wanted to get his work done and get to bed. Ds12 was trying to get to sleep, all this while dh was sitting downstairs out of the way with his headphones on watching Jimmy Carr and laughing his head off, oblivious to everything.
I also went to bed, and heard dh downstairs putting the cat in the conservatory, so I could now hear it mewing from my room, not to mention it gets bloody cold in there on a night. Now today dh goes to work (WFH weds Thurs and Fri but out mon and Tuesday) and I have no idea what to do with this kitten while we're all out. DS16 should be home by around 2pm today, but says he doesn't want to come back if the cat is going to be here. Ds12 is going to be here on his own for a couple of hours as he doesn't start school til later this morning, and now he has to think about making sure the cat doesn't escape when he goes out. It's just another layer of worry that we didn't need. I know that lots of animal lovers will think this is a ridiculous overreaction, but it's how the kids feel, and I understand it. And I have to deal with the consequences, not dh. He never has to deal with anything. If anyone has seen any of my other threads, you might get what I mean. All the kids want is to be able to relax a bit when they get home, and DS16 in particular feels like he doesn't have that now, especially at the start of what is going to be a stressful two years of A levels.
Is this a complete overreaction on our part? Is dh well within his rights to get a pet?

OP posts:
Runnerinthenight · 12/09/2024 16:33

queenofguineapigs · 12/09/2024 12:31

I don't care what you say - I will never, ever understand why people don't like cats OR dogs unless they are carrying some form of trauma. And you have been pretty rude to me

All you have to understand is that not everyone likes everything. It's not a character flaw, it's a good thing. If we all liked the same things and hobbies life would be very boring and very crowded.

I don't "have to" to understand anything.

I believe that someone who dislikes cats or dogs is someone who has never got to know one.

Runnerinthenight · 12/09/2024 16:33

Harry12345 · 12/09/2024 13:35

Not if you’re allergic or have previously been attacked by a cat or dog, I love dogs but can understand that not everyone does, I’m not really keen on babies

I'm actually allergic... I manage it.

Evilartsgrad · 12/09/2024 17:44

Runnerinthenight · 12/09/2024 16:33

I'm actually allergic... I manage it.

You shouldn't have to.

Evilartsgrad · 12/09/2024 17:45

Runnerinthenight · 12/09/2024 16:33

I don't "have to" to understand anything.

I believe that someone who dislikes cats or dogs is someone who has never got to know one.

And I believe you're talking nonsense.

FearOfTheDucks · 12/09/2024 18:16

Runnerinthenight · 12/09/2024 16:33

I don't "have to" to understand anything.

I believe that someone who dislikes cats or dogs is someone who has never got to know one.

Then you're just incorrect.

Are you capable of understanding that not everyone likes rats, lizards, spiders, golf, Star Trek, action movies, fast cars, wine, coffee? Do you think that if someone dislikes any of these things it's because they haven't spent enough time trying to appreciate them?

Not everyone likes cats or dogs either.

People are different. With different thoughts, feelings and preferences. It's not difficult.

Dolly59Les · 12/09/2024 20:02

WinkyTinky · 09/09/2024 06:52

Dh wanted to get a cat a couple of years ago. None of the rest of us did, especially DS16 (14 at the time) - neither of the kids have ever wanted a pet or to have an animal that will live in the house in particular. Outside maybe, but not in the house, and I thought that was the end of it.
But yesterday, in comes dh with a pet carrier with a kitten inside, completely unannounced. I'd noticed he had been clearing out the porch on the morning, and i just left him to it, but now I know it was to make space for a litter tray. Ds12 looked at me as if to say, why is this happening? Especially knowing how his brother feels about pets. So I had to go upstairs and let DS16 know there was a cat in the house, it was already mewing quite loudly anyway, but it's a tiny kitten and he could easily have stood on it if he came down the stairs, where it had been sitting out of view. He is already in the middle of a hard and uncertain time leaving school, starting college, anxiety in general as well as dealing with his feelings girl, and also the suicide of a school friend. He ended up crying, not so much about the cat itself, but that his dad had gone against his wishes and got the cat anyway. He went and asked his dad if he just had to accept this, to which the reply was yes, no further conversation. But then I have to deal with all the emotions from ds, not his dad. And as the evening went on, the cat was sitting outside ds's bedroom constantly mewing while he was trying to do his homework for starting college this week. He has very early starts all week and just wanted to get his work done and get to bed. Ds12 was trying to get to sleep, all this while dh was sitting downstairs out of the way with his headphones on watching Jimmy Carr and laughing his head off, oblivious to everything.
I also went to bed, and heard dh downstairs putting the cat in the conservatory, so I could now hear it mewing from my room, not to mention it gets bloody cold in there on a night. Now today dh goes to work (WFH weds Thurs and Fri but out mon and Tuesday) and I have no idea what to do with this kitten while we're all out. DS16 should be home by around 2pm today, but says he doesn't want to come back if the cat is going to be here. Ds12 is going to be here on his own for a couple of hours as he doesn't start school til later this morning, and now he has to think about making sure the cat doesn't escape when he goes out. It's just another layer of worry that we didn't need. I know that lots of animal lovers will think this is a ridiculous overreaction, but it's how the kids feel, and I understand it. And I have to deal with the consequences, not dh. He never has to deal with anything. If anyone has seen any of my other threads, you might get what I mean. All the kids want is to be able to relax a bit when they get home, and DS16 in particular feels like he doesn't have that now, especially at the start of what is going to be a stressful two years of A levels.
Is this a complete overreaction on our part? Is dh well within his rights to get a pet?

Rehome the husband!

Harry12345 · 12/09/2024 21:23

Runnerinthenight · 12/09/2024 16:33

I'm actually allergic... I manage it.

Good for you I can’t, my throat closes over and my eyes swell to slits, I’m covered in hives, why would I put up with that? It’s not good, only some anti histamines help and I was taking so many it affected my kidneys

Evilartsgrad · 12/09/2024 22:11

Harry12345 · 12/09/2024 21:23

Good for you I can’t, my throat closes over and my eyes swell to slits, I’m covered in hives, why would I put up with that? It’s not good, only some anti histamines help and I was taking so many it affected my kidneys

Same, and I can't breathe. But apparently we are unreasonable because kitty cats .🙄

This thread is just adding to my "reasons why self-defining catlovers are mostly batshit" list

Schenore · 12/09/2024 22:14

I think this could be just what your family needs, I'm shocked by the responses. It's a cute little kitten! It would be really good for your son's mental health to look after the kitten. Cuddle and play with the cute fur ball, what is wrong with you all?

NoThanksymm · 12/09/2024 23:13

I think hubby can get a cat. But the fact he isn’t excited or loving on the cat, or 1000% into it, didn’t take a week to help the cat adjust - just dumped it on you and your family - THAT’S the problem.

sounds like cat will be neglected. And you need to rehome both cat and probably hubby.

Lizzie67384 · 12/09/2024 23:38

Runnerinthenight · 12/09/2024 00:15

What's your problem then? You agree with me that you shouldn't have a cat? I believe I included dogs when I said that I feel that children should grow up with a pet? It's just that our pet of choice has been cats, largely because we've always been out of the house all day and we don't think our lifestyle is fair on a dog - it's not that we are adverse to dogs, just being considerate of them!

I don't care what you say - I will never, ever understand why people don't like cats OR dogs unless they are carrying some form of trauma. And you have been pretty rude to me!

So go on, what's the "underlying reason" then? Go on and psycho-analyse me!!! 😂And you call me "slightly unhinged"???

Why would people not liking dogs or cats be carrying some kind of trauma?!

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 13/09/2024 07:47

Evilartsgrad · 12/09/2024 17:44

You shouldn't have to.

Maybe she thinks having a cat is worth it. If it was a mild allergy I wouldn't have a problem taking antihistamines and getting on with it.

Obviously a serious allergy is different before anyone feels the need to point it out.

Evilartsgrad · 13/09/2024 18:39

Schenore · 12/09/2024 22:14

I think this could be just what your family needs, I'm shocked by the responses. It's a cute little kitten! It would be really good for your son's mental health to look after the kitten. Cuddle and play with the cute fur ball, what is wrong with you all?

What's wrong with you?

Aside from wilful stupidity that is.

queenofguineapigs · 13/09/2024 18:47

I believe that someone who dislikes cats or dogs is someone who has never got to know one

they probably don't want to after one has knocked them over, or bitten them, or scratched them, or caused them to fall off their bike, or eaten their guinea pig (for clarity - the latter has not happened to a guinea pig of mine by the way!)

Runnerinthenight · 13/09/2024 19:01

Lizzie67384 · 12/09/2024 23:38

Why would people not liking dogs or cats be carrying some kind of trauma?!

Another poster referred to being scratched or bitten??? I've been both but was never traumatised.

Phoenixfire1988 · 14/09/2024 18:31

Rehime the kitten while he's at work and warn him EVERY single time he brings one home it will be rehomed absolutely nobody wants a cat and if he wants one he can live elsewhere with it

EtiquetteLady · 15/09/2024 02:48

You need to take the cat to the RSPCA immediately so it can be rehomed with a wonderful loving family who will care for it and look after it forever. That’s not you and your family. Your children have had a massive overreaction which suggests they get their way on everything or have a meltdown. Your husband has behaved selfishly and horribly, and clearly is not an animal love otherwise he would have thought this through and looked after the kitten on arrival. What a strange lot.

RickyGervaislovesdogs · 15/09/2024 05:39

The comments 😆and the OP hadn’t been back for days lol.

WinkyTinky · 15/09/2024 15:51

@RickyGervaislovesdogs Just on my way back from hospital thanks. Sometimes I haven't got all that much time for MN.

OP posts:
JollyPinkFox · 15/09/2024 16:49

I know that lots of animal lovers will think this is a ridiculous overreaction
Correct, why have you raised your kids to be so weird about animals?

but it's how the kids feel, and I understand it. Glad someone does, I don’t understand it at all.

Fae1234 · 15/09/2024 17:09

You and your children are weird for being so upset about a KITTEN. It baffles me your husband doesn't seem to understand the levels of bizarre he is living among. I'm on the cats side in this and NO ONE else's. Please rehome that cat I am extremely worried about it.

RickyGervaislovesdogs · 15/09/2024 17:26

WinkyTinky · 15/09/2024 15:51

@RickyGervaislovesdogs Just on my way back from hospital thanks. Sometimes I haven't got all that much time for MN.

Was a dig at the OTT comments 🤷🏼‍♀️and for what it’s worth you’ve looked after the kitty so it wasn’t a dig at you.

Runnerinthenight · 15/09/2024 17:40

Where is the kitten now @WinkyTinky? Is your dick of a husband looking after it or are you rehoming it?

Though I do feel it would be good for your children to learn to love animals.

Cattyisbatty · 15/09/2024 17:44

It all sounds a bit weird as your dh has no idea how to look after a kitten! I hope it’s found a better home by now.

Cattyisbatty · 15/09/2024 17:45

Fae1234 · 15/09/2024 17:09

You and your children are weird for being so upset about a KITTEN. It baffles me your husband doesn't seem to understand the levels of bizarre he is living among. I'm on the cats side in this and NO ONE else's. Please rehome that cat I am extremely worried about it.

Exactky. I’m on #teamkitten