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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be really unhappy at having a cat imposed on us

881 replies

WinkyTinky · 09/09/2024 06:52

Dh wanted to get a cat a couple of years ago. None of the rest of us did, especially DS16 (14 at the time) - neither of the kids have ever wanted a pet or to have an animal that will live in the house in particular. Outside maybe, but not in the house, and I thought that was the end of it.
But yesterday, in comes dh with a pet carrier with a kitten inside, completely unannounced. I'd noticed he had been clearing out the porch on the morning, and i just left him to it, but now I know it was to make space for a litter tray. Ds12 looked at me as if to say, why is this happening? Especially knowing how his brother feels about pets. So I had to go upstairs and let DS16 know there was a cat in the house, it was already mewing quite loudly anyway, but it's a tiny kitten and he could easily have stood on it if he came down the stairs, where it had been sitting out of view. He is already in the middle of a hard and uncertain time leaving school, starting college, anxiety in general as well as dealing with his feelings girl, and also the suicide of a school friend. He ended up crying, not so much about the cat itself, but that his dad had gone against his wishes and got the cat anyway. He went and asked his dad if he just had to accept this, to which the reply was yes, no further conversation. But then I have to deal with all the emotions from ds, not his dad. And as the evening went on, the cat was sitting outside ds's bedroom constantly mewing while he was trying to do his homework for starting college this week. He has very early starts all week and just wanted to get his work done and get to bed. Ds12 was trying to get to sleep, all this while dh was sitting downstairs out of the way with his headphones on watching Jimmy Carr and laughing his head off, oblivious to everything.
I also went to bed, and heard dh downstairs putting the cat in the conservatory, so I could now hear it mewing from my room, not to mention it gets bloody cold in there on a night. Now today dh goes to work (WFH weds Thurs and Fri but out mon and Tuesday) and I have no idea what to do with this kitten while we're all out. DS16 should be home by around 2pm today, but says he doesn't want to come back if the cat is going to be here. Ds12 is going to be here on his own for a couple of hours as he doesn't start school til later this morning, and now he has to think about making sure the cat doesn't escape when he goes out. It's just another layer of worry that we didn't need. I know that lots of animal lovers will think this is a ridiculous overreaction, but it's how the kids feel, and I understand it. And I have to deal with the consequences, not dh. He never has to deal with anything. If anyone has seen any of my other threads, you might get what I mean. All the kids want is to be able to relax a bit when they get home, and DS16 in particular feels like he doesn't have that now, especially at the start of what is going to be a stressful two years of A levels.
Is this a complete overreaction on our part? Is dh well within his rights to get a pet?

OP posts:
thedefinitionofmadness · 09/09/2024 18:20

I've rarely heard such santimonious bullshit that is alive on this thread

Being an animal lover doesn't make you a good person, and not wanting a cat doesn't make you a bad one.

Clearly however the mere thought of a cute kitten (which was probably ok wherever it was before it ended up in the OPs house) makes it impossible for some posters to have a shred of empathy for a young human who is clearly struggling.

OP - the cat has to be rehomed. Possibly DH too.

Americano75 · 09/09/2024 18:25

WinkyTinky · 09/09/2024 16:09

I've arrived home and checked on the cat. Conservatory temperature is fine for now, but will definitely get cold later. He has come out from under the sofa and I have given him a ball to play with, stroked him etc, and I think he's ok with me. Of course I'm not going to just ignore a baby animal so we've done a bit of bonding just so he isn't frightened. But maybe I'm still doing the wrong thing...

Oh, be careful. You might end up being his chosen human.

I love cats, have two, but couldn't imagine just bringing one home without checking first. And my lot would bloody love it!

nirishism · 09/09/2024 18:39

This thread is honestly unbelievable. Like there are honestly people who seem to think…everyone should be willing to have a pet cat? Wtf?!

OP hope you’re ok and can be clear with your H tonight he’s so insanely out of order and needs to sort out this utterly senseless mess he has created. If not - Do you know where he got the cat? Can you get in touch with the breeder and explain the situation? If in any way decent they should take the kitten back.

But please please do not listen to any of the crap being spewed on here about you and your DSs. It’s completely misplaced and frankly quite mad.

Calamitousness · 09/09/2024 18:51

@Evilartsgrad 🤣 I didn’t say she should love the cat. I said that her husband should. She should have nothing to do with it.

ThisMammaCat · 09/09/2024 19:02

Americano75 · 09/09/2024 18:25

Oh, be careful. You might end up being his chosen human.

I love cats, have two, but couldn't imagine just bringing one home without checking first. And my lot would bloody love it!

That's a good point....and would probably make the arse husband mad.... none of this is funny but I do like the thought of OP and the kids bonding with the cat and loving it and the cat wanting nothing to do with the arse.

I also think that people are being really harsh on OP and DS16, and I say that as a massive cat lover.

Maray1967 · 09/09/2024 19:13

OP, just rehome the kitten. Tomorrow.

That is what I would do as the first step towards divorce. I couldn’t stay married to a total idiot.

Maray1967 · 09/09/2024 19:15

And if he brings another one home, I’d rehome that one as well.

Nanny0gg · 09/09/2024 19:15

Ramblomatic · 09/09/2024 17:21

Asking for an opinion isn't asking for permission.

OP not wanting a cat vs DH getting one is a separate issue. Not much of one mind, but a separate issue.

16 is a stressful time, yes. Guess we'll have to add 'Cat in the house' to the other life shattering 16-year-olds first world problems like 'getting dumped for the first time' 'not picked for the football team' and 'failing a GCSE' 😅

Did you realise there is possibly SEN involved here?

No?

Nanny0gg · 09/09/2024 19:17

ManhattanPopcorn · 09/09/2024 17:26

You'd think he brought a tiger home with the way the family are reacting 🤔

If you don't want a pet, you don't want a pet

TwinklyRoseTurtle · 09/09/2024 19:27

It’s just a cat fgs… yes you are being very dramatic

AngryBookworm · 09/09/2024 19:28

It's a dick move to bring home any pet without the family agreeing - and then to leave you to look after it beggars belief. This isn't a chilled out moggy who just wants somewhere to eat and sleep, this is a kitten who needs care and attention! Rehome the cat to a loving family and rehome the husband to a damp basement flat. Really hope things get easier for your DS, sounds like he's had a tough period of time.

thedefinitionofmadness · 09/09/2024 19:49

TwinklyRoseTurtle · 09/09/2024 19:27

It’s just a cat fgs… yes you are being very dramatic

Are you unable to recognise that the OP (not to mention her poor grieving, neurodiverse teen) is at the end of her tether?

ilovesooty · 09/09/2024 20:16

I'm a cat lover. I don't see why the OP and her children have to accept a cat if they find that difficult. I'm very concerned about the welfare of the kitten given her husband's irresponsible behaviour. However some of the comments about her son are utterly disgusting.

ElatedShark · 09/09/2024 20:38

Please please remove the kitten, bring it to a shelter ASAP, don't tell husband.

I'm really worried you or your sons will end up harming the poor innocent kitten that didn't chose to live in such a hostile (to the cat) environment.
Having such a young cat in a cold porch day and night and no interaction is cruel.

Please bring to a shelter for your sons piece of minds and for the kitten and do this for any other animals your husband brings home for their safety.

Then you need to seriously talk to your husband.

wadeinthewater · 09/09/2024 21:06

namechange1986 · 09/09/2024 07:29

He shouldn't have just brought it home unexpectedly. However, your reactions seem absolutely insane to me.

This sums it up for me. Very strange all round.

ONameyMcNamechangerson · 09/09/2024 21:12

I like cats, I am not anti cat, I think they are charming and beautiful, but I absolutely do not want one in my house, however cute it may be, because I don't think they are sanitary, I don't like the noise or the mess, or the smell, or the damage to the house/furnishings. I would be livid if someone brought an animal into my home against my wishes.
I can totally relate to the reactions from the non-cat people in your home, OP, and I am NT, I just don't want a non-human living in my space (obviously can't do anything about the bugs).

DS's response sounds like it is just the straw that broke the camel's back. Why people aren't understanding this, I don't know. He's entitled to live in a home that feels like home, comfortable and clean. Stupid husband.

Arrivapercy · 09/09/2024 21:13

Yabvu to post without a picture of the kitten

carly2803 · 09/09/2024 21:21

your dh is an idiot but you are all massively over reacting!!

Its a cat not a great dane!!

get a grip, rehome the cat or suck it up. Cat's don't need much care at all - very easy going

Americano75 · 09/09/2024 21:44

Arrivapercy · 09/09/2024 21:13

Yabvu to post without a picture of the kitten

Yeah, I think we need to see Max.

Americano75 · 09/09/2024 21:48

Oh, @WinkyTinky I just thought of something else, I'm generalising here but in my experience cats gravitate to people who don't like them. They can be twisted that way!

Golaz · 09/09/2024 21:53

Sfxde24 · 09/09/2024 06:59

Your DH is a dick. He’s brought a tiny frightened animal into his house and is ignoring it. A new kitten needs careful settling in. A safe place that is warm and loving.

My new kitten wasn’t even left alone for a few weeks when he arrived. Poor cat.

Bit weird your sons feel so strongly though. Cats aren’t that much disruption. They might even grow fond of it. Kittens are so adorable.

This!!

very odd all round!

oakleaffy · 09/09/2024 21:58

Litter trays do smell no matter how often they are cleansed out - I cat sat for someone the other week, and was absolutely checking the cat's tray several times a day, but when a cat does a poo in them, they smell! - and a cat is not going to want to use a dirty letterbox, any more than we would want to use a dirty lavatory.

An appropriate litter is essential. The people I sat for used ''Cat san'' they say that is the best they have tried. {Edit...seems some vets say this is too dusty}

Kitten poo can be really whiffy, especially if cows milk has been given to them.

biscuitandcake · 09/09/2024 22:05

carly2803 · 09/09/2024 21:21

your dh is an idiot but you are all massively over reacting!!

Its a cat not a great dane!!

get a grip, rehome the cat or suck it up. Cat's don't need much care at all - very easy going

To be fair, adult cats don't require much work. Kittens absolutely do and can go through a trash everything phase before settling down. Adorable if you want a kitten. Completely weird (of the DH) to get a little kitten and then just abandon it in the conservatory all day or ignore it.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 09/09/2024 22:08

ONameyMcNamechangerson · 09/09/2024 21:12

I like cats, I am not anti cat, I think they are charming and beautiful, but I absolutely do not want one in my house, however cute it may be, because I don't think they are sanitary, I don't like the noise or the mess, or the smell, or the damage to the house/furnishings. I would be livid if someone brought an animal into my home against my wishes.
I can totally relate to the reactions from the non-cat people in your home, OP, and I am NT, I just don't want a non-human living in my space (obviously can't do anything about the bugs).

DS's response sounds like it is just the straw that broke the camel's back. Why people aren't understanding this, I don't know. He's entitled to live in a home that feels like home, comfortable and clean. Stupid husband.

I've got 3 cats and none of them have damaged anything. Noise, what noise? Purring? My cat does her business outside and partners cats use a litter tray so that's obviously his job to deal with but hoping in time they will do it outside too.
Tbh the only thing I ever have to do is rip open a pouch and pour it into bowl!
Il walk into a room and be like "oh, there's a cat" give it a stroke and that's that!
The kids love them.
They aren't dirty in the slightest cats are fastidious about grooming.
The flea/tick/worm stuff takes seconds, once a month job.

Relearningbehaviour · 09/09/2024 22:10

Very dramatic all round. He shouldn't have just turned up with a cat. But the upset over it is also quite dramatic! If you happen to be in west sussex area I would happily re home the little one for you!

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