Friend asking to borrow clothes, awkward!

[Jiminycrickets]

I have a friend who asks to borrow my clothes. We are both in our 40s, she’s financially secure. She’s a school Mum, so I have to tread carefully to avoid awkward interactions.
I don’t have anyone else in my life who asks or does this! I don’t borrow clothes either. This is something we all did at uni when everyone had limited funds and clothing. I leant her a cheap shirt about a year ago, because I felt put on the spot in a group of people. She returned it clean. But now she’s asked to borrow a very expensive dress of mine and I don’t want to lend it. The main reason is I feel you can always tell when someone a different shape has worn your things and they don’t fit the same. She also could notreplace it if something happened, it’s out of stock.
Years ago, my flat mate borrowed my shoes without asking and stretched them out so much I couldn’t wear them anymore because they fell off. Since then I really don’t feel comfortable with the concept.
How can I say no without making it awkward and also fend off future requests?

You must tell the truth that you prefer not to lend clothes in order that your answer not only brings the matter of this dress to an end but forestalls any future requests

I was so uncomfortable/shocked that I missed my opportunity to have my immediate response be flat no, and tried to redirect by sending links to a couple of dresses she could buy, saying I didn’t think my dress was formal enough for the event (it’s very obviously perfect, I thought this and the links to alternatives would be a good enough hint).
She’s come back insisting it is formal enough in her opinion. She’s addressing my concern (which wasn’t my real concern at all). I’m so uncomfortable, I should have just said I didn’t want to lend it in the first place, but I tried to be polite and not hurt feelings.
Now I’d have to say: yes, it is suitable but I don’t want to lend it, I was trying to be tactful and you’ve completely missed it. Suggesting alternatives to lending would usually be enough, I’d have thought.

Just go back to her - To be honest I suggested alternatives because I am not comfortable lending my clothes, so I'm afraid the answer is no, I'd rather not lend you the dress.

Just say that then, "I was trying to be polite and not hurt your feelings by suggesting alternatives but I am not comfortable with lending you this dress, sorry. I really don't like lending my clothes at all, to be honest. I've had past experiences where clothes didn't fit me the same afterwards and also, with this particular dress if there was any accidental damage it can't be replaced as nowhere stocks it anymore. I hope you understand, it's nothing personal, but I have to say no x"

You respond saying you no longer lend out clothes. Repeat as necessary.

If you need to elaborate, say it’s “for personal reasons” This is true, and marks a clear Do Not Cross line.

If she dares to cross that line, you are justified in ignoring her and taking a big step back from the friendship.

FFS, grow a backbone and just tell her you're not lending her your dress and to stop asking.

I’d explain that you don’t want to lend out very special things as it’s awkward if anything happens to it. If she tries to persuade you after that, I’d stop the friendship because she’s being very cheeky and trying to walk all over you. I don’t spend time with people like that.

To be honest I suggested alternatives because I am not comfortable lending my clothes, so I'm afraid the answer is no, I'd rather not lend you the dress.
OP, you should write exactly what @Natwestbit has suggested. If she continues to push, even after @Natwestbit's suggestion, I would follow up with "I have have already explained that I don't wish to lend out my dress, and you continuing to ask is making me uncomfortable".

Please don't lend a dress that you don't want to, just because you are scared of it creating a slightly social awkward situation. This woman isn't even a close friend, so you have very little to lose if she gets pissed off that you didn't agree to her CF request.

Just say
no sorry I dont lend my clothes out any more. No offence. Im sure you understand..
The end

You are going to have to assert yourself, she's obviously very cheeky and most people would have taken the hint. This kind of person won't think anything of damaging your dress and handing it back so don't hand it over imo. Or if you do, be prepared for what might happen to it.

She’s a cheeky mare.

i have probably done something like you, a soft refusal. She’s a bit dense not to pick up on this.

Exactly, it's become an issue because you allowed it. Nobody asks this, nobody. It's weird, inappropriate and just so rude.
Why are you giving her so much thought when she didn't do that by asking such a thing. Stop waffling around, say unfortunately you can't and don't even explain yourself.

‘Ah yes it is hard - good luck with your shopping’

and then avoid her wow she’s a shocker

I don’t think she’s being deliberately cheeky, she’s a bit socially awkward. Ive just sent a link to a dress hire place and completely changed the subject, avoiding is not possible, tiny school and village, and I enjoy her company as a casual friend, but we are not close enough for any of this. If after the second redirection she still asks, I will just say as suggested: I suggested alternatives to be helpful, because I don’t lend or borrow clothes with friends. It’s still a hint/soft refusal but it’s more obvious now.

If she is socially awkward then she probably doesn't get hints. You need to be direct and I think she will appreciate that.

But you are being socially awkward here too by not directly communicating in the first place and sending hints instead. Would have been better to be upfront and have said no, sorry.

I would never let someone borrow my clothes, unless it was a jumper or coat for a cold visitor. Anything other than that is just too weirdly intimate, and I’d also worry about them coming back damaged. I wouldn’t be embarrassed to say that, OP, because tbh it’s a bit of an overstep for her to have asked.

How strange for a financially secure adult to ask!
Usual for teenagers.
I'd just say " sorry but my dress is irreplaceable.
If she asks to borrow something else just say a firm no.
There must be something similar in an actual shop!

"no, I've decided I don't want to do that anymore" don't make excuses or lie as people often come back with an solution to your reason.

Us socially awkward types deal much better with a nice clear "no" than an evasive "the dress isn't formal enough" when actually it is.
"No" would have been kinder.

A simple, I am sorry but I’m not comfortable lending clothes out.

I’m seeing her at a school event this week, I will toughen up and say it in person if she brings it up.
Upon reflection, this isn’t the first time she’s been a bit inappropriate. I think this is someone who I need to be firmer with than the average, she’s blunt so I need to be too.

YANBU. It’s rude of her to ask. Clothes are really personal and can’t be replaced when they are sold out. Not like books.

There's a lesson here! Sometimes avoiding being direct just makes things worse in the long run. For you, and the other person.

Instead of tying this up with 1 direct message, you're now up to 2 indirect messages and an in person conversation.

I get it though. Sometimes you just have to grit your teeth and be honest! People will either a) accept it and move on so fast you wonder what you were worried about or b) keep pushing. Which is generally enough to piss you off so much that you stop caring about being blunt!

& then get into a whole bunch of other lies as to why it's sentimental etc & thenwhat about a different dress she wants to borrow?🙄
No is a complete sentence , so weird 🤷‍♀️