Friend asking to borrow clothes, awkward!

[Jiminycrickets]

I have a friend who asks to borrow my clothes. We are both in our 40s, she’s financially secure. She’s a school Mum, so I have to tread carefully to avoid awkward interactions.
I don’t have anyone else in my life who asks or does this! I don’t borrow clothes either. This is something we all did at uni when everyone had limited funds and clothing. I leant her a cheap shirt about a year ago, because I felt put on the spot in a group of people. She returned it clean. But now she’s asked to borrow a very expensive dress of mine and I don’t want to lend it. The main reason is I feel you can always tell when someone a different shape has worn your things and they don’t fit the same. She also could notreplace it if something happened, it’s out of stock.
Years ago, my flat mate borrowed my shoes without asking and stretched them out so much I couldn’t wear them anymore because they fell off. Since then I really don’t feel comfortable with the concept.
How can I say no without making it awkward and also fend off future requests?

I don't lend my clothes out.

It's a weird request. I like the suggested, "Sorry, I don't lend my things out anymore". It makes it sound like there's a backstory (which there is: people misshaping/ damaging things). We've all lent stuff out and not seen it come back at all or not in the same condition. That's why nobody does it beyond their late teens!

Do adults lend/share clothes? I didn't know that was a thing.

Just tell her no and give her the reason you've given us.

I’d hate that. if feel like everything I wore was being inspected and up for grabs.

The normal British way is to avoid the subject until she gets the hint. If that doesn’t work, the truth is always best. Say you aren’t comfortable lending out your clothes and this dress is sentimental to you and can’t be replaced if something goes wrong.

I have lent, or given festival/ parry clothes to one particular mate. But this is fir festivals where you expect a bit of mud/ damage abd nothing that's special to me.

It's slightly tricky as you have already lent her but I'd just say 'sorry I don't do that any more'. Rinse and repeat. Don't give s reason or pretend your cousin Jane has it, she'll just try and talk you out of it.

Why do people always suggest lying? It amazes me.
Learn to say no. You don't want her to borrow clothes, and you don't need to justify it.

It isn't difficult.
You just say, I was taught, "neither a borrower nor a lender be"
She may recognise the quote, but even if she doesn't, it gets the message across
Such activity always ends in tears

Everyone who knows me knows not to ask.
There are plenty of threads on here about friends who have had precious dresses and shoes not returned.
I would offer to help your friend find something she likes within her budget - you can hire some lovely dresses now.
If she cools on you, she’s not your mate!

This. Be direct. Everyone suggesting lying? Not a great way to deal with it, because it's not going to stop her.

"I'm sorry, and I know I've lent you a skirt before, but in all honesty I'm really not comfortable lending my clothes out. You might want to try Vinted or Ebay instead?"

First, you're not giving her an excuse she can argue with (and if she does, then you are in CF territory and can be totally blunt with her) and secondly, you are "helpfully" redirecting her to a more usual source of pre-worn clothing. If she persists, just laugh and say "No".

YANBU

There’s not really a way to avoid this being weird as she’s already made it weird by asking. Just say no!

“So sorry, everything’s packed away in storage!”

Don't make up a lie fgs. There's no need.

My husband thinks I should be blunt, because she’s been blunt by asking! I would lend a dress to a good friend (similar size friend) but I don’t feel comfortable as it feels quite intimate for the level of acquaintance.

He said: “it’s a strange thing to ask, so she probably won’t be offended by saying no”.

I don’t understand people suggesting excuses like ‘the zip has broken’, OP will just get asked again for something else. You don’t need a reason for a perfectly reasonable boundary. .

Just say “lending clothes isn’t my thing so I won’t be doing it again”. Easy, firm but not impolite.

Just say no. "Sorry friend X, but this dress is really special to me and I dont feel comfortable lending it to anyone at all, I dont feel happy lending out clothes at all actually" thats it. It doesnt matter if she begs, promises or assures you she'll be careful, the answer is still no. Do NOT worry about it being awkward because of exactly what this poster said:

The onus is just as much on her to tread carefully, if not more so. She’s the one who’s made a very bizarre request; yet she doesn’t care if it makes things awkward

You’re allowed not to care, too

If anyone has made it "awkward"- she has by asking and not respecting your no.

Say no

i lent a friend a stretchy silk dress

shd is the same height as me and both wear a size 12, but I wear my clothes loose (like them to hang rather than sit) and she likes everything very fitted

so she stretched my dress out so it now looks a size too big on me with droopy boobs , argh (I wear a 34c bra and she a 36D, so no wonder)

it’s silk jersey so I cannot “shrink” it by washing it a bit hotter

gutted

(it was only an e-bag dress, but I buy very specific brands that use real silk, that nobody has heard off, so I get a bargain, but they are also really hard to find)

so say no

The problem with using a vague white lie is that it leaves it open for her to ask to borrow an item of clothing again, putting you in this position again.

Rip off the plaster, with a firm, but polite 'No, I'm not lending out clothes anymore'.

This. Do not lie. The problem with lying eg "oh the zip is broken" etc is that then she might come back with, "well what about that other dress you have- the red one, can I borrow that one instead?" and then it never ends, next it will be another top or some trousers or shoes etc.. You cant make up a lie for every item.

Say no, you dont feel comfortable lending out clothes full stop. If she keeps harping on about it, suggest some online stores to get a dress and answer with that every single time- she'll soon get the message.

Exactly this. Just politely state your boundaries.

i’d just go with a straight “no I don’t want to lend you my clothes” with an added “I’m sure you’ve got lots of lovely clothes of your own” to soften if needed. Then change the subject. If you give her an excuse zip broke etc she’ll ask for something else and this will continue.

This. Don’t lie or say it’s lost/the zip broke-that could be fixed! It’s very odd asking to borrow clothes unless you’re really close.

Let us know what happens, OP.

Say you've lent it to your cousin/friend. Or tell the truth, you don't like lending clothes because they get stretched out of shape.