Friend asking to borrow clothes, awkward!

[Jiminycrickets]

I have a friend who asks to borrow my clothes. We are both in our 40s, she’s financially secure. She’s a school Mum, so I have to tread carefully to avoid awkward interactions.
I don’t have anyone else in my life who asks or does this! I don’t borrow clothes either. This is something we all did at uni when everyone had limited funds and clothing. I leant her a cheap shirt about a year ago, because I felt put on the spot in a group of people. She returned it clean. But now she’s asked to borrow a very expensive dress of mine and I don’t want to lend it. The main reason is I feel you can always tell when someone a different shape has worn your things and they don’t fit the same. She also could notreplace it if something happened, it’s out of stock.
Years ago, my flat mate borrowed my shoes without asking and stretched them out so much I couldn’t wear them anymore because they fell off. Since then I really don’t feel comfortable with the concept.
How can I say no without making it awkward and also fend off future requests?

What's wrong with just being honest and saying no. Making up some dumb excuse and then being seen in the dress later will make you look like a nutter or at the very best a liar.

I agree. It didn't sound at all like the work of a lunatic.

I would also tell a white lie to get out of it. I don't like confrontation like this.

I wouldn't like anyone borrowing my clothes. I don't like to borrow other people's either. I borrowed a top from a friend as a teenager and accidentally ended up stretching it because I have a much bigger bust than her. It didn't sit right on her after that and she ended up having to give it to me.

Never again!

If you don't want to borrow it then just say so. For me, unless I genuinely thought it would get damaged, i'd let a good friend borrow clothing for a specific event. I assume it's not for daily wear which would be odd.

Develop a policy: I don't lend clothes. Then remember your policy, and it doesn't really matter how you phrase it. "I'm not comfortable lending clothes." "No, I don't lend clothes." When she says, But I borrowed your shirt! You say, "Yes, I wasn't comfortable actually, so I won't be lending anyone any more clothes."

Me too! I've never heard of this. Is it a thing??

‘I’d love to but there is a curse on it’

In one of her books, Aggie Macenzie (AKA "Kim & Aggie" from How Clean Is Your House?) said she has a set of drinking glasses that are so precious to her that she tells all of her friends that under no circumstances are they to wash them in case they break them...she says she washes them and therefore if they get broken then it's "her deal" [sic].

To that end, there's nothing wrong in telling this lady that your dress is irreplaceable and that you'd hate her to carry the guilt of anything happening to it. I've torn lots of clothes over the years, and never from being careless. It happens. I wouldn't want the responsibility of someone else's clothes (but then I wouldn't dream of asking to borrow them either).

She’s a school Mum, so I have to tread carefully to avoid awkward interactions.

Just want to point that this thought doesn’t seem to have occurred to her.

The onus is just as much on her to tread carefully, if not more so. She’s the one who’s made a very bizarre request; yet she doesn’t care if it makes things awkward.

You’re allowed not to care, too.

There’s no reason on earth you should lend it to her; she can buy her own clothes, FFS, like everybody else!

How odd

Just say no, who does that?!

Charge her a £500 security deposit, that will be forfeited in full (as compensation for an irreplaceable garment) if it doesn't come back absolutely perfect. I'm guessing that she might suddenly go off the idea...

‘No can do, Jill. Hope you find something suitable 😊’

I'd say "I'm sorry but I once lent a friend a skirt and it came back damaged. It wasn't her fault but because of this I promised myself I'd never lend anything again"!

I still borrow my clothes at 40, I don't mind. Not as often, but sometimes a friend needs a cocktail dress and borrows them.

However, if that is a very special and expensive dress that she won't be able to replace, just say No. Just make an excuse.

You don’t have to lend if you don’t want to of course but a few of my friends have borrowed my dresses for events. I don’t mind as I have collected a few event dresses over the years and mostly won’t wear them again myself so I am happy to lend. So I don’t think that’s that strange!

I did recently lend a friend a dress I had only worn once and wanted to wear again and she took ages to return it and it was a big drama of me needing to collect it from the dry cleaners the day I needed it as she was so disorganised and I swear it’s a bit faded after dry cleaning so now I’ve kind of been put off the idea of lending to her, and I did pretend I had sold something when she asked to borrow another thing after that! 😬

So it’s very item and person dependent. I think I’m happy to lend occasion wear when I have kind of maxed out the occasions I will wear the thing and just have the item hanging around, but probably won’t lend new things I love again.

Do this.

This is really awkward for her to ask this so it's easy to justify a white lie in repsonse. Every time if required.

This is much easier and less controversial than telling her the truth that you won't lend clothes. That should be obvious and she's asking anyway so I wouldn't say no I don't lend.

Why would you feel awkward refusing?

It's a really odd thing to ask, that surely no-one would agree to.

Tell her to hire a dress or buy one from Vinted.

@Jiminycrickets
"No. I bought it for a special evening and it's precious".
In fact all of your clothes are precious and sentimental to you, tell her.

I imagine nearly everyone who heard her put you on the spot about the t-shirt was thinking she was the weird one for asking (unless they assumed you had a much closer, longer friendship than you actually do). I wouldn't worry about treading carefully. If you're polite, you're fine. It's not a normal thing to ask to borrow an expensive dress, especially from someone who's more of a casual acquaintance than an actual friend.

Just say no so much easier than making up things.

I have three close friends and we often ask each other for things if we have events to go to. We could all replace an item of it got damaged though.

”No. I don’t loan clothes out any more.”

That’s all you need to say. No sorry, no more explanation.
If she insists on more of an explanation, tell her that someone borrowed a blouse (lol) and ruined it and forced your hand.
End of. Be firm, but not unkind.
if she keeps insisting, say, “I don’t know how to be any more clear: I am NOT loaning YOU the DRESS.”

I can’t stand these Second Hand Roses.
I learned my lesson years ago.

Oh, sorry I have warts and it can be contagious.

"Oh gosh no! I'd feel terrible for you if anything happened to it - it's one of my absolute favourites and can't be replaced"
It's the truth, but you're not saying "hard no" but letting her know the exact reasons.
If she says she'd be careful then of course you know she'd be careful but it's still a no, because accidents and pulled threads happen.

This. You say, "Oooh NO...if anything was to happen to it I couldn't replace it. I wouldn't lend it out to anybody."...which is true.

Oooohhhhh (downward tone at the end, vague look into the distance)... no, I wouldn't be comfortable with that. (wanders off towards the canapes).

or

No, I don't think so, no I don't think I would do that (thinks). No I definitely wouldn't do something like that.

or

You're joking! Oh you're serious! Oh sorry I thought you were joking. No, I wouldn't be able to do that.

or

No thanks, I won't be able to lend you my clothes.