My brother and his girlfriend announced their pregnancy and my mum asked me in front of everyone if I was jealous *MNHQ adding CW for CSA*

[awown]

I knew my mum would do this. She has always accused me since I was a child if I was jealous of my brother. Like when he got his first job and birthdays etc

I'm not jealous at all. I'm very happy for them. She's always played games and made me out to be the family villain almost.

I have 3 kids of my own. I've never done any announcements etc, I've always just told everyone. And she kept looking at me and being very strange

Then came sat next to me and kept asking me loudly are you okay??? As in jealous

I'm down at the minute in general because I'm having health issues but that is all. I've not been myself in a while and she knew this I had told her this. I also asked her to keep this a secret and she announced that at everyone too whilst laughing about it.

I knew she'd do that and she's stirred it in the family saying I'm jealous.

I think I'm going to cut her off. She has always made me out to be a liar, over dramatic and jealous. I'm none of those things. I'm perfectly normal and a good sibling at that. I'm always encouraging and so happy for my family when something good happens.

She just uses me to stir drama. She did it growing up. She'd turn everyone against me.

She massively massively favours my brother he is her golden child. With my three children she was very unbothered. Even when they were born it was oh okay. With my brother she's happy crying all the time. Has photos of him as a baby on her phone and is extremely excited. She even made the comment I'll finally be a grandparent. I have three children. My grandparents also commented on her posts saying we will finally be great grandparents

My family couldn't make it more obvious they do not consider me a part of it or even like me. They have done this to me since I was a child. Even when I got into uni my grandad reaction was "you'll just quit like you do with everything". I was 17 I'd never quit anything before.

Then my mum creating the hatred towards me over being jealous because they are having a baby is crazy. I'm no longer with my partner so I'm assuming that's why she thinks I'd be jealous? I have no idea how I'd possibly be jealous when I have three wonderful children of my own?

Do I cut my family off?

Yes love. Please do cut your incredibly abusive and downright evil mother and grandparents out of your life asap. And anyone who tries to say you're wrong to do so. You are utterly justified in never having a single thing to do with them for the rest of their miserable life's. What's happened to you is horrifying to read. I'm so sorry for all you've been through. Please get yourself and your children away from these truly horrific people. They are seriously dangerous to all your mental wellbeing. I wish you the happiest and best life possible going forward without these nasty, incredibly sick people continuing their abuse of you.

Please, please walk away from your mother and grandparents. They have hurt you so much and will continue to do so. Don't let them do to your kids what they have done to you. It will only break you eventually. Concentrate on loving your own family and let these people in the past where they belong.

Go no contact it'd horrifying to hear what you went through. You are an strong amazing woman

Oh, this is horrible to read. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what causes people to think and behave like this, but it's obviously something you've had to deal with since childhood so very much ingrained in the family. In case you need to hear it, it is not you, not your fault in any way, shape or form. You sound lovely and incredibly well-adjusted! I would definitely put some distance in to protect yourself - I assume talking about it is not going to change much? Sending hugs.

Pretty much what everyone else has said - break free and focus on your own family. I don't know how old your children are, but it sounds like you need to shield them from the toxic family you grew up in. You sound pretty with it but don't rule out some therapy to come to terms with what you have been exposed to.

So sorry, I posted before seeing the follow up about past sexual abuse in the family. So they're scapegoating you for telling the truth . Definitely good boundaries needed here if you even want them in your life at all. Just be careful to prioritise your own safety and wellbeing as well as your children.

Are you fully independent from these people, are you working and have friends, interests? Go NC right now. No fuss just don’t engage. Move house if necessary. Life is short and you deserves so much better. Every happiness to you.

TBF she sounds like my mother too.
she completely favoured my brother and other members of the family aunts etc have commented on it. My dad died 5 years ago and I still miss him my mum dominated him. If he ever spoke out she made his life hell.

I think that we could all give you lots of tips for dealing with her, like not telling her anything that’s happening in your life, or doing things like laughing at her and telling her not to be silly when she asks you if you’re jealous.

But none of that is going to do you much good. The thing that will help you the most is getting as far away from this family as humanly possible and not subjecting yourself to their cruelty any more. They might have their own issues from their own parents or that might just be wicked fuckers. Either way, you owe them nothing. Not your time, your love or your care. It’s time to put you before them. 💐

It sounds like there are generational cycles of abuse. I think you are exactly right that you need to completely distance yourself from them to protect your children from the deep hurt of being completely sidelined and probably belittled and picked apart like you have been as they get older. Perhaps there is some reading you can do on how to break cycles of abuse.
It is really dehumanising how they have treated you, I'm so sorry you've had to experience that. No-one would deserve that treatment and you've done so well to achieve so much despite their best efforts to put you down.

Go no contact.
My mums side of the family did this to me. It's because I look my father and his side.

My dad's an alcoholic drug addict who was physically and emotional abusive narcissist.

Funny enough only his family accepted me

They sound very malevolent and abusive, OP. Sadly, some families are just bad families. Your mum sounds horrid and immature. No surprise given the behaviour of her parents.

When you get a moment, consider what goodness they give to your life and take from your life. Weigh it up.
I wish for you to live well for you and your kids. It’s the best revenge for people who don’t want the best for you.

Oh my, go no contact. The family you were born into are vile, damanged people.

Focus on the family you have created.

For OP and anyone else who grew up being blamed for family problems, punished for things beyond your control, and rejected for who you are, please check out Family Scapegoat Abuse.

None of the way your parents and grandparents treated you is your fault or your problem. Like others have said, cut them off and take care of yourself and your own family. ❤

Horrendous family

You should cut them out and go speak to a therapist

Sending a huge hug @awown Your family environment is toxic.

Def stay away. Hope you feel better soon and have an amazingly happy life xxx

@awown

Yes, cut them all off. Every single one of them who didn't protect you and who have treated you like shit. They should be dead to you.

But when you do it, do it 'silently'. No "I'm cutting you off", no explanations. You simply block them on all forms of communication and then cut off anyone who tries to intercede for them.

This is because if you try to explain, try to justify, they will do everything in their power to DARVO and turn the blame on you. Then they will twist your words and repeat them to everyone who will listen with the most negative slant they can think of. Much better to just drop out of their lives and let them just say "We have no idea why". Because it doesn't matter. What matters is that you stop letting these horrible people abuse and hurt you.

She even made the comment I'll finally be a grandparent. I have three children. My grandparents also commented on her posts saying we will finally be great grandparents

How on earth did you reply to that? They sound utterly toxic.

That’s what I was thinking. The backstory gets worse.

Yes, cut them off. They are toxic and they do not deserve to be in your life. Set yourself free and you will be happier. Good luck

What do you gain by having these people in your life? They sound like a really horrible group of people. There were people like this on both sides of my family including my mother. I'm NC with all but 2 of my family, have been for over 20 years, never regretted it for a single moment. Do these people bring anything good to your life, anything that is worth hanging onto? At some stage your kids will notice how they're valued by your family, I expect they're better off being out of that dynamic and away from all the arseholes too.

That’s extremely odd that she’s closer to her Sons kids than her Daughters. I’ve never known that before. I’ve known them to be every bit as close but certainly not closer.

Poor you op, they are all so bloody horrible and toxic. Please protect your children from these very damaging people. Please protect yourself too. Cut them off. Stop giving them an opening to treat you this way.

I'm so sorry. Yes I would cut her off. She sounds very toxic and abusive. Family or not its important we act boundaries especially for your children.
I'm assuming you have discussed her behaviour with her and stated how it makes you feel?
So sorry

@awown my first thought is actually they are jealous of you. And yes, cut them off.