My brother and his girlfriend announced their pregnancy and my mum asked me in front of everyone if I was jealous *MNHQ adding CW for CSA*

[awown]

I knew my mum would do this. She has always accused me since I was a child if I was jealous of my brother. Like when he got his first job and birthdays etc

I'm not jealous at all. I'm very happy for them. She's always played games and made me out to be the family villain almost.

I have 3 kids of my own. I've never done any announcements etc, I've always just told everyone. And she kept looking at me and being very strange

Then came sat next to me and kept asking me loudly are you okay??? As in jealous

I'm down at the minute in general because I'm having health issues but that is all. I've not been myself in a while and she knew this I had told her this. I also asked her to keep this a secret and she announced that at everyone too whilst laughing about it.

I knew she'd do that and she's stirred it in the family saying I'm jealous.

I think I'm going to cut her off. She has always made me out to be a liar, over dramatic and jealous. I'm none of those things. I'm perfectly normal and a good sibling at that. I'm always encouraging and so happy for my family when something good happens.

She just uses me to stir drama. She did it growing up. She'd turn everyone against me.

She massively massively favours my brother he is her golden child. With my three children she was very unbothered. Even when they were born it was oh okay. With my brother she's happy crying all the time. Has photos of him as a baby on her phone and is extremely excited. She even made the comment I'll finally be a grandparent. I have three children. My grandparents also commented on her posts saying we will finally be great grandparents

My family couldn't make it more obvious they do not consider me a part of it or even like me. They have done this to me since I was a child. Even when I got into uni my grandad reaction was "you'll just quit like you do with everything". I was 17 I'd never quit anything before.

Then my mum creating the hatred towards me over being jealous because they are having a baby is crazy. I'm no longer with my partner so I'm assuming that's why she thinks I'd be jealous? I have no idea how I'd possibly be jealous when I have three wonderful children of my own?

Do I cut my family off?

Your grandfather, who didn’t bother to meet your child in his own house, then texted you a few times to tell you you’re doing a bad job as a parent? I don’t understand why all these people who apparently don’t care seem to have gone to such lengths to express their hatred of you. It’s very odd behaviour, surely they’d just not contact you/speak to you at all?

I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. I had an abusive upbringing too and I’ve been NC with family for years. It was the best choice I ever made. These vile people bring nothing to your life. Your children could grow up thinking this behaviour and treatment is normal. It seems it’s a repeated cycle, your grandparents done it to your mum and now she’s doing it to you. Cut the cycle and show your children what a healthy family should look like. Anyone who covers for child abuse should be locked away, I hope your other siblings are safe. Going NC can seem scary and it’s normal to worry about backlash, but do it for your children. Block all contact and don’t communicate with them. They sound like such awful people that I doubt they will even try to mend things. I hope you get your closure, when you do it’s so freeing and relieving. 💐

Your family are a bunch of twits OP. You've been designated scapegoat at some point & they've all just mindlessly followed along with it.
They are pond life, dont bother with them!

Im so sorry this is happening to you, it must be so painful not feeling acceptable by your family. I personally would cut them off and focus my time on friendships instead. How is the relationship with your brother?

Also forgot to add it sounds like you are a scapegoat for the awful things your dad did. Perhaps you were his favourite or like in my case my existence was bad enough as it connected to him so they wanted to punish me. You’re better than them, don’t give them another second of your time.

Christ they sound awful. Kick them to the kerb. You’d be better off without them.

By all means if you're brave enough cut them off

They sound awful. Comments that she’ll finally be a grandmother when she had three already?! Please get these horrid people out of your life.

You have a toxic family who seem to enjoy putting you down. You'd be better off without them for sure. Focus on your own DH, DC and friends for support.

How awful. I never understand how some families make someone a scapegoat and everyone just piles in. I would be tempted to cut them off OP although keep contact with your siblings if that relationship is good?

I'm having health issues, I asked her to keep this a secret and she announced that at everyone too whilst laughing about it.

Why on earth would you tell her?? Why would you trust her with "a secret" ?

I mean, maybe you won't again but I think she'd more than met the threshold already that you wouldn't have convos like that with her at all.

Do I cut my family off?

Are you asking for permission, or generally just opinions, because to be honest I'm surprised that you still tell your mother anything unless you want it broadcasted to the rest of your family.

Does your DB not pick up on how nasty she is towards you, or has he no idea?
Will your relationship with your DB revert back to one of non speaking if you do go no contact with her?

Unless you really rely on your mother for help with anything, so feel tied, no one could blame you for going non contact.
Don't let her continue to make you feel like an outsider you're worth more than that.

What do you get out of your contact with this family?
sounds like rejection and abuse. You don’t need permission to cut them out of your life. Do what’s best for you.

Yes cut them off. You don't need to have them in your life.

Of course you should cut them off.

Your mum and grandparents, certainly. And any of your siblings that treat you similarly.

I would speak to my siblings first, individually. Tell them you'll be going nc with mum and grandparents but you'd very much like to stay in touch with them. But don't place them in awkward positions - never ask them to take sides, don't ask them to choose.

Then just block mum and grandparents in every way and totally ignore from there. Make separate plans to see any siblings you remain in touch with and live your life.

These people are not your family @awown they are a bunch of vile abuse apologists.

I'm so sorry you went through all this trauma.

Keep your beloved children away from these nasty people and enjoy your life without their horrible personalities around.

Because it's very hard and usually a last resort for the preservation of one's sanity. As a daughter who cut off an abusive father I take real issue with the constant claims by the conservative media and angry grandparents, (who always, always claim they don't have a clue what they did wrong), that younger generations have a laissez faire attitude toward estrangement. Their narrative is that people are generally happy walking into the sunset and never looking back over some minor, perceived offence.

IME, this is far from the truth. The 'we don't know what we did' protestation is also beginning to sound like a variation on The Script. Either that, or it's an evil daughter-in-law's fault.

OP - I'm so sorry you don't have the mother you deserved. She is emotionally abusive. The schmaltz about 'at last' becoming a grandparent was said in front of you deliberately, with full intention to wound. I would no longer expose either myself or my children to that kind of hurtful behaviour.

It truly hurts, reliquishing the hope that relatives like this are ever going to change. But sadly, they don't. The measure of someone's behaviour in the future is their behaviour in the past. But this recognition does bring with it a new kind of freedom.

Wishing you joy in the future in the company of your lovely children. You don't need validation or permission to go NC. All you need is the knowledge of what will bring you your own peace of mind.

They sound incredibly toxic. Cut them off and you likely will feel a huge weight lifting off your shoulders.

It's tough, though. Can you access any professional counseling?
Best wishes. 🌷

Cut them all off. Life is too fucking short to put up with that crap. I’m sorry your family is so toxic, I hope you can maintain a relationship with your brother for the sake of your kids and his.

Awful for you. I’m sorry you’ve endured all this for so long.

Cut them out of your life and enjoy the peace.

Don't worry op, you'll have the last laugh when the baby is born and your brother's partner realises that your DM is too overbearing and then cuts contact with her 😉😉🤣

Your Mum will end up with nobody as she's clearly toxic. Grey rock her and one day other people will see exactly the sort of person she is too.

This whole thread is off the rails nuts. Sorry.

This is horrible to read op. Of course you should go NC immediately….don’t subject your children to this toxicity.

I have a similar family although my sister was the scapegoat during our childhood. Now she’s NC and our other sister (previous golden child) died so it’s just me (truth-teller and scapegoat combined) and my brother (golden child). The really crap thing and the thing that really hurts is that we never seem to have anyone in our corner. The narcissist controls everyone.

Have you looked at the Stately Homes thread in relationships. And I would recommend Dr Ramani’s videos on YouTube. They’ve been saving me from insanity for a long time and there is a very supportive community.

I'm the mum of girls op and this had made me cry. You deserve so much better that this.