My brother and his girlfriend announced their pregnancy and my mum asked me in front of everyone if I was jealous *MNHQ adding CW for CSA*

[awown]

I knew my mum would do this. She has always accused me since I was a child if I was jealous of my brother. Like when he got his first job and birthdays etc

I'm not jealous at all. I'm very happy for them. She's always played games and made me out to be the family villain almost.

I have 3 kids of my own. I've never done any announcements etc, I've always just told everyone. And she kept looking at me and being very strange

Then came sat next to me and kept asking me loudly are you okay??? As in jealous

I'm down at the minute in general because I'm having health issues but that is all. I've not been myself in a while and she knew this I had told her this. I also asked her to keep this a secret and she announced that at everyone too whilst laughing about it.

I knew she'd do that and she's stirred it in the family saying I'm jealous.

I think I'm going to cut her off. She has always made me out to be a liar, over dramatic and jealous. I'm none of those things. I'm perfectly normal and a good sibling at that. I'm always encouraging and so happy for my family when something good happens.

She just uses me to stir drama. She did it growing up. She'd turn everyone against me.

She massively massively favours my brother he is her golden child. With my three children she was very unbothered. Even when they were born it was oh okay. With my brother she's happy crying all the time. Has photos of him as a baby on her phone and is extremely excited. She even made the comment I'll finally be a grandparent. I have three children. My grandparents also commented on her posts saying we will finally be great grandparents

My family couldn't make it more obvious they do not consider me a part of it or even like me. They have done this to me since I was a child. Even when I got into uni my grandad reaction was "you'll just quit like you do with everything". I was 17 I'd never quit anything before.

Then my mum creating the hatred towards me over being jealous because they are having a baby is crazy. I'm no longer with my partner so I'm assuming that's why she thinks I'd be jealous? I have no idea how I'd possibly be jealous when I have three wonderful children of my own?

Do I cut my family off?

They sound bloody horrible.

What's your relationship with your brother like?

Your mum etc - it doesn't sound like you'd miss them.

Didn't anyone comment on the posts about grandparents? No one at all? I mean that's very strange surely your friends and family know there are already grandchildren?

Of course you do, what a bunch of cock-juggling thundercunts. Be free!

I don't understand why people don't do NC more easily?

Do you cut them off? Bloody hell, yes. Do yourself a favour and dump. Your family sound like bloody awful bullies.

Yeah she sounds like my mother. There’s a website called daughters of narcissistic mothers that’s pretty informative.

I am NC with my mother after years of abuse. I would probably try to stay in contact with your brother, unless he is actively toxic.

@jeaux90 yes they are. I'm civil to my grandparents I do not consider them to be my grandparents because of their treatment towards me. They used to tell me I wasn't one of them. I was the other side of the family.

Even when watching tv I asked who an actress was and my grandad replied a very beautiful women something you could never be. They endlessly comment on my weight (I'm a size 6) that I was always so fat especially as a child (I'm such a normal weight looking at photos). Always my appearance. And my intelligence, how I'm so dumb. It was such a shock when boys at school fancied me. I also went to uni and did law ..

I have no idea what as a child I did to make them hate me so much

I’m so so sorry. Your mum is an outright bully. I haven’t cut off my mum but I have seriously limited my relationship because her presence is toxic and I want to protect my own children from that.
Have a read of the book ‘adult children of emotionally immature parents’. I think much of it will resonate with you. Sending you love.

Very odd behaviour. Why would they say they finally get to be great/grandparents? Are you adopted? Or are your children a different race or religion to them? They sound so awful I just wouldn't bother anymore.

Anna Runkle, The Crappy Childhood Fairy, has been recommended by MNs and she did a recent podcast - 30 August on Family Emotional Abuse.

“It’s a terrible form of abuse when whole families gang up on one person. Sometimes it’s scapegoating, where they blame you for problems you never caused. Sometimes it’s just plain bullying and cruelty, and of course it leaves terrible wounds, even when you KNOW the abuse was about them, not you, and even when you’ve worked hard to create a good life for yourself – you can end up feeling disconnected from people. And if that’s you, I want you to let in that a) other people’s abuse doesn’t define you and b) healing is possible”

I think you would be completely justified to reduce contact with your mother/family @awown - her deliberate insistence of rivalry between you and your brother, negative attitude towards your own life experiences and decisions, and complete disregard for your three DC all seem part of a very twisted way she views your place in the family.

We cut contact with DH's family last year for similar reasons, and since then my BIL (the golden child) has welcomed his first child, an event which I know would have been regarded as the second coming by DH's family, of course forgetting their existing grandchildren (our DC) have received no word from them for the past year.

I would certainly advise you consider the benefits of reducing/cutting contact.

@FuckThePoPo yes my best friend said that's horrendous. She's asked to take me out.

No the family is widely accepting of the fact I am not really part of it

I think I have no choice but to cut them off because it will be so so bad with favouritism of my brother's child over my own.

Your parents and grandparents sound unhinged. Why would they think that you don't have children that are related to them?

I'm sorry, your mum and grandparents sound horrible. You must have had a tough time growing up with that sort of treatment.

I wouldn't blame you for cutting them off, no one needs that crap, especially when not well. Although they'd probably enjoy the drama of it, so maybe minimal contact and trying to 'grey rock' them is better.

Do you get on with your brother? Does he see how they treat you? I hope so and that you have someone you can talk to.

Another vote for "be free"! Families should be about mutual support, not this.

Completely justified in going NC

That is peak awfulness

@LynetteScavo oh I never even had a thought of that

No I am not adopted. I actually look so much like my grandad. We have the same face.

My children are mixed race - that didn't even cross my mind.

But it's definitely more to do with me than my children.

He used to say growing up I was nothing like the family. It's strange because as much as my brother is the golden child with my mum. My older sister was with my grandparents. They'd say things like she's the only one who's them. I'm not them. In my 6 year old brain I truly believed I was adopted. I thought they were telling me this. If only.

What about your dad?

I would call her out on the Facebook comments, “er Mum are you ok? You already have three grandchildren”

She even made the comment I'll finally be a grandparent.

did you say anything to her?? If not I’d text her now and call her out on that.

yes I would go nc. But if your relationship with your brother is good I’d stay in touch with him. It’s not his fault?

That's awful . Im so sorry you had to deal with them all as a child and now .
Is it related to your dad ? Do you have a different dad to your brother.
My mil was always very outspoken about how much she disliked one of her grandsons . Because she hated his dad .
It was awful behaviour . At family events we all used to keep him away from her and give him loads of attention and make sure he never new how she felt.
His mum did and that was bad enough .

@bringmorewashing my brother and I didn't speak for many many years. We have been back in contact maybe 5 years. Only close this year

My mums doing. She told him I laughed at his pet dying. I never. This was as kids.

We have a good relationship now

@Starlight7080 no I have the same dad as my brother.

But now you say that. My older sister doesn't. They hated my dad so much. I'm his first born.

There was problems at home and I went to my gran thinking she will do something. My mum did nothing. I told her everything and she said "that's your dad you have to deal with it". I felt incredibly guilty for everything that ever happen and like it was my fault.

The weirdest thing is I look the least like him. Behave the least like him. How similar I am to my mum is crazy. I'm told we're twins.

My grandparents are the same my uncle is their golden child. They don't think much of my mum. When she had kids they couldn't have cared less.