My brother and his girlfriend announced their pregnancy and my mum asked me in front of everyone if I was jealous *MNHQ adding CW for CSA*

[awown]

I knew my mum would do this. She has always accused me since I was a child if I was jealous of my brother. Like when he got his first job and birthdays etc

I'm not jealous at all. I'm very happy for them. She's always played games and made me out to be the family villain almost.

I have 3 kids of my own. I've never done any announcements etc, I've always just told everyone. And she kept looking at me and being very strange

Then came sat next to me and kept asking me loudly are you okay??? As in jealous

I'm down at the minute in general because I'm having health issues but that is all. I've not been myself in a while and she knew this I had told her this. I also asked her to keep this a secret and she announced that at everyone too whilst laughing about it.

I knew she'd do that and she's stirred it in the family saying I'm jealous.

I think I'm going to cut her off. She has always made me out to be a liar, over dramatic and jealous. I'm none of those things. I'm perfectly normal and a good sibling at that. I'm always encouraging and so happy for my family when something good happens.

She just uses me to stir drama. She did it growing up. She'd turn everyone against me.

She massively massively favours my brother he is her golden child. With my three children she was very unbothered. Even when they were born it was oh okay. With my brother she's happy crying all the time. Has photos of him as a baby on her phone and is extremely excited. She even made the comment I'll finally be a grandparent. I have three children. My grandparents also commented on her posts saying we will finally be great grandparents

My family couldn't make it more obvious they do not consider me a part of it or even like me. They have done this to me since I was a child. Even when I got into uni my grandad reaction was "you'll just quit like you do with everything". I was 17 I'd never quit anything before.

Then my mum creating the hatred towards me over being jealous because they are having a baby is crazy. I'm no longer with my partner so I'm assuming that's why she thinks I'd be jealous? I have no idea how I'd possibly be jealous when I have three wonderful children of my own?

Do I cut my family off?

I think you should totally cut them off 100% without any further thought.

Don't bother announcing it - just cease contact, change phone number, don't read any letters

Any chance you could move so they won't be able to reach you?

Ignore this if applicable, was your Dad abusive to you and your twisted Mum was jealous of you? I'm sorry if that offends anyone, not my intention. Reminds me of another scenario I know of.

That's awful . I wonder if your mums behaviour stems from how she was treated .
You sound like you have been though an awful lot . And not had the support from your family you should have .
I think for your own mental health then distance from them would be good. Hide all social media from them and just avoid as much as you can . Whist still having a relationship with your brother
If your mum doesn't see or speak to you atleast she won't be able to make more lies up or use you as the punch bag at family events .

Ditch them..they bring nothing good to your wellbeing or that of your children as in being singled out as second best to your brother's kid.

@Wwyd2025 my dad is dead. He died when I was 18.

More with my dad he sexually abused my older sister who was his step daughter.

Once again my grandparents said all his doing was also me. Even though I was a child being manipulated by both parents that his behaviour with her was normal and they were adults who didn't know anything? Yet it wasn't hidden from them.

It's already a horrible family dynamics with that being our history. My mum knew and told my sister never to tell her anything so disgusting again. And allowed the abuse. She said she limited it by hiding the blanket from the living room. She had 9 children to this man and allowed the abuse to have baby after baby. She brain washed me into thinking his behaviour was normal. She also told me he was her real dad yet told my sister he wasn't. Because apparently I'd not include her as much etc. I've never done anything at all like that

@Dotto that's very strange you say that, he sexually abused my older sister. I think my mum noticed him looking at me in a certain way. However she always said he'd never do that to his "own daughter" and swears by it

But also accidentally admitted to all of her girls as baby's having rashes that could only be caused by sexual assault.

I'm so sorry. I'd get as far away from all of them as you possibly can. Don't say anything (it'd give them the satisfaction). Just ignore.

Have you been able to access any counselling over the years?

Your mom had nine children and let them all be sexual abused by your dad?

How many kids are there in total?

@Josette77 my mum has 9 children. 8 to my dad.

@Josette77 she swears he'd never do that to his own children. But then slipped up and spoke about a rash all the girls had in their nappies which couldn't be caused by anything other than sexual assault.

She then went back on herself and said that wasn't true.

She allowed it fully with my older sister

Wouldn’t even make the effort to tell them you’re going nc. Grandparents =your dad’s parents? They’re all unhinged to say they’re finally going to be gps/ggps! Mad as.

@awown I thought my mother was bad!!! your mother is absolutely horrible!! go no contact and you will feel lighter and happier within a week!! Honestly, I did it and felt so relieved! she is ignoring her grandkids, your kids! that is not on!

After that update I wouldn't want my children anywhere near your parents or grandparents.
They must have all known and let it happen . That's shocking .
This now sounds like a netflix documentary. Sorry op that this is your life. In some ways I think it should not be should you go no contact but should your mum have been arrested for her hand in the abuse you and your siblings suffered

Has anyone spoken to the police about all of this sexual abuse?

I think I'm going to cut her off.
Do.
She sounds nuts and it’s hard to see what she adds to your life

Op, genuinely, you should never, ever communicate with any of these people again. It's that bad. Just vanish from their fucked up lives without a second thought.

Do you not just say "why would I be jealous? I have 3 kids of my own".

Make the, justify why they'd think that.

But yes, I'd go NC so you don't have to. Better not to have people in your life than have people who make you miserable in it.

Remember - it's not you - it's them.

@IOSTT yes my sister reported it. He committed suicide as to avoid jail. He was going to be found guilty. They sound so much child pornogrspgy on his devices.

Christ OP, this thread makes for a harrowing read.

I'll never moan about my toxic family dynamics again, I'm like the bloody Princess and the Pea compared to what you've had to put up with.

Well done for staying sane and level-headed all these years. You've earned a rest! Fuck them. Enjoy your own family, the one you've created with love 💗

It would be fascinating to know what's behind all their weirdness and projection, but that's the sort of thing that only comes out at funerals or on deathbeds, and it makes no difference to the fact that they have treated you appallingly.

This. Block them all. Absolute abusive pieces of shit your mother and grandparents are. Keep your children far away from her.

You mention your brother. And you. And your older sister who wasn't your dad bio child.

What's happened to the other 6? What is she like around them?

Not much shocks me these days, but reading this thread did. I'm sorry your mother sounds like a truly evil person, I wouldn't allow my children contact with someone who turned a blind eye to child abuse. You'd be totally justified in going NC with her and any family members of the same mindset. I know sometimes it's easier said than done, but what good can come from someone so cruel. You and your children deserve better

@Starlight7080 my plan had always been cut everyone off at 18 when I went to uni. Then my sister went to the police and my dad committed sucide and my mum was genuinely broken I had to help a lot with younger siblings. It's the only reason I ever got back in contact with her.

My older sister forgives her. Which is the only reason I can talk to her. If my older sister did not forgive her I'd be the same.

Yes I believe all adults knew. It was impossible not to. As a child I kept saying why does he do that? That's not normal. To be called disgusting. A horrible messed up child I could possibly ask that.
My uncle is a nurse and worked closely with teenage pregnancy. Which I remember him talking about ones from sexual assault. How he didn't notice the same signs in her behaviour.

If my mum had a boyfriend I'd never ever allow children around.

My grandparents never ever baby sit. They don't want to. They don't visit. I see them once a year at Christmas. They have the nerve to say I never see them.
I last visited when my first child was born. I was so so excited to show her off. I went to their house. They answered the door with what do you want? I was holding my daughter as a surprise sort of thing. My grandad never even came into the room with us so he never looked at her.
Then my gran was like fine show me her. I don't know if it's because my mum had a baby 3 years before hand? Because I was young? But they ruined the happiest time of my life. My grandad texted me a few times telling me I was doing a bad job. I did greatly according to my health visitor.

@itsgettingweird she treats them fine. She doesn't know much about their lives and they are all young enough to be at home with her. They struggle a lot with everything that's happened and she just brushes over it and pretends it doesn't exists

She actually has done it again with a favourite child. My youngest sister. She says she looks so much like my brother (her favourite) and reminds her so much of him. She is treated well.

She doesn't do what she did to me to them though. She's just fine to them. Not interested in their lives but not bullying them.

I don’t know how you are still functioning after everything you have been through! They all sound very damaged and vile, it sounds like it’s time to leave them in the past. I hope you have been able to access counselling. You sound quite level headed! 💐