To still be pissed off

[Topshrunk]

So partner and I have decided to split (on my terms) as his life didn’t seem to change when we had our children now 4 and 7. He doesn’t help with anything and is out most nights of the week on nights out/hobbies. After numerous attempts to try and make it work I now have nothing left to give. We have agreed for him to stay here until he finds somewhere but this is how this week went:

Monday- hobby until late
Tuesday - stayed in
Wednesday - out until late at pub
Thursday - went for food and pub until late
Friday - went to a club and got in at 5am
Yesterday - went out day drinking and I told him not to bother coming back so he didnt.

Sorry if it was confusing but I was asking if should still be pissed off that he is acting this way even though we have split but was still living here.

but then if thats how he was when it caused the split , then what was you hoping for after you had split ?

Yes, very true. Was hoping for a little respect maybe not to get worse.

that i can understand , it seems the split in theory gave him more freedom rather than restrictions at a guess from your other posts

I feel a fool.

I think I did the right thing to tell him to go last night.

You did!

You’re not a fool. He’s obviously very immature and not committed to yourself or family life, for whatever reason. You don’t want someone like that.

Maybe a little naive to think the shot across his bows would solve the problem, but for most fathers it probably would have done. Some people just don’t know what they want out of life and they can never be truly happy or settled.

Usually these tossers whoop whoop for a bit until they realise their friends actually are mature and decent people, and they end up with no one to play with. At that point they might latch on to another mum-substitute or “cool girl” (who’s usually just rough as and up the duff in a blink).

Just focus on yourself and your kids OP, work out the practicalities which will distract from the emotional stuff a bit and remind you of how strong you are.

I just feel a bit shit that I told PIL he could stay until he found somewhere but it was becoming unbearable. They probably hate me now.

To be fair though, they don’t even live in this country and have no baring or involvement in mine or DC’s life.

The kids haven’t even asked where he is 😩

When our first child was born he ended up moving out when she was 2 weeks old as he couldn’t handle the pressure. He kept falling asleep etc (recently been diagnosed with sleep apnea). I begged him not to go and leave me with our newborn. He did the same thing then, going out all the time etc.

He was punching walls and escaping over the fence etc so clearly not in a good mental state. I was stupid enough to have another baby with him!

Fuck what they think! They aren't exactly bending over backwards to help anyone are they?!?!!?

Oh dear god. Well it's done now. Don't blame yourself. Just stay strong and keep him out your house. Focus on you and the kids.

Also, I have told him to not bring the kids back here if he wants to spend time with them.

It's not about her turn to go out on the lash, ffs. Why do people always say the OP should have the right to do whatever he's doing?

He's living like a single man. He needs to leave immediately.

I don’t want to do what he does. I am
quite happy being with my family with a few glasses
of wine. I go out with my friends once a month and that is enough for me. I socialise at work and meet up with friends with kids too but I am just not interested in going out until the early hours more than once a year.

Not got to the end of the thread but I'm struggling to see how this separation is on your terms.. you're being completely shafted!

Good for you! I'm same, evening in with kids and film or boardgames are great.
I also see no point forcing him to look after kids as some posters suggest. From what you've said, you can't trust him with anything let alone your kids

That’s depressing 😩

Pack his stuff and change the locks.

Tenants are allowed to change the locks (often you can just change the barrel) as long as they put them back at the end of the tenancy. It's good form to inform your landlord and offer them copies of the new keys (I'm a LL and always offer a lock change for new tenants as I always change the locks when I move).

It's your house and his behaviour is getting worse toward you. You've no need to do him any favours!

The landlord is my FIL

I don't know why you were hoping for more respect.

He's a single man now. You ended it. As long as he lives in your house, he has less responsibility than ever.

Get him out for good. Change the locks. Get his name removed. He's an absolute waster.

So what. Change the locks. Get him out.