To still be pissed off

[Topshrunk]

So partner and I have decided to split (on my terms) as his life didn’t seem to change when we had our children now 4 and 7. He doesn’t help with anything and is out most nights of the week on nights out/hobbies. After numerous attempts to try and make it work I now have nothing left to give. We have agreed for him to stay here until he finds somewhere but this is how this week went:

Monday- hobby until late
Tuesday - stayed in
Wednesday - out until late at pub
Thursday - went for food and pub until late
Friday - went to a club and got in at 5am
Yesterday - went out day drinking and I told him not to bother coming back so he didnt.

What do you want from this post?

Stop cooking, cleaning, washing for him.
Draw up a rota for him to be 100% in charge of the children.
He has to find somewhere to live as the relationship is over.
File for divorce as a sole applicant and tick for a financial order.

Wow, he’s going to be in for a shock when he has to look after the kids for a few days a week (if he does of course!). Presuming you don’t do his laundry, cooking etc? As right now, he has the life of a uni student living at home. Make some changes so he gets a taste of things to come. Also assign the days he will have the kids and start that now so he gets used to it!

What happens to the kids at 9pm? Do they magically disappear until the following morning??? FFS co-parenting is going to come as a shock to this insert name which won't get me banned from MN man 🙄

Dear God just throw him out already. All his stuff in bin bags. Hand them to him at the door. All that money he's spending on nights out he can stick his stuff in storage and stay in a hotel for a few nights whilst he finds somewhere. He won't bother to find anywhere new to live while he has it so cushy. He's having his cake and eating it!
Fuck that. Best of luck op.

He's lived like a single man even when you had DC so he's not going to change now. What's this rubbish about having no responsabilty after 9 pm- as a parent he's always a parent- he doesn't get to go out and leave it all to you. If you seriously want him to leave then make it far less comfortable at home- do nothing for him, laundry, cooking, ironing - just do nothing for him and keep it that way until he works out he needs to leave. If the house is in joint names you can't change the locks but you can make him far less comfortable

Was he always this immature and selfish? What was the initial attraction to him based upon?

Have you seen a solicitor? I'd also call an estate agent round for a valuation, if you own your house. If you are renting, do you want to stay where you are? What are the terms of the lease? Can you and the kids live with your parents for a few years to save money and for practical/logistical assistance?

He's like an extra child! Unbelievably lazy sod!

As long as you are there @Topshrunk , you are still doing the work.

Nothing is going to change whilst nothing has changed.

I'd be giving him a deadline to move out.

Whose house is it?

Own or rent
and stop cooking and doing his cleanjng
are you in the same bedroom

Tell him to go on spareroom.com and find a flat share until his mortgage comes through. Wants to act like a student, he can live like one! He can’t be acting like that with kids in the house, whether or not you’re together.

Yep.
The day he stays in you go out...no prior notice..or when he gets on from work..you go out on the lash as commented. Let him feel what you felt when he was effing off out with no concerns

I think it's well beyond this sort of point-scoring.

He's not going to parent those kids in any significant or meaningful way. OP needs to accept this and put all of her energy into make a new life. I hope she can access a solicitor and perhaps live with her parents for a while for support. The focus now should be on clearing up this mess ASAP and making a stable home for the kids.

I would not allow this freeloader a place in my household.

Id be ringing up mates and planing an late night out, drop it on him last min to tell him thats hes looking after the kids today and just walk out before he can process it. Lazy bastard no wonder your leaving him.

I'd change the locks and tell him he's no use at home so don't bother being there.

What a lazy, entitled twat he is. I'd want nothing more to do with him.

He might deserve it, but the children don't, he'll deliberately neglect them in order to punish her.
It's not right to use children as weapons to punish people.

Do women get to process the split by utterly neglecting their kids? Thought not.

I don't think that's your problem. He needs to go whether he has somewhere or not. He should have been thinking about that before. Why is everything always on you to sort?

Exactly, the reason he has nowhere to go is that he hasn't been looking for anywhere. He hasn't bothered because he is confident that he can manipulate OP in doing what HE wants her to do. Likely because he has been successful in the past.
OP, he will do whatever he thinks he can get away with, you will have to show him you mean business & will no longer be giving in to him.

Yes, when do I get to process it, there is no excuse. I had a bottle of wine one night and danced in the kitchen, still up at 7am with the kids, that’s all I got to process it.

It’s rented thank god in my name!

I have thought about going to my parents but I don’t know if that is the right answer. I have about 20k of savings that he doesn’t know about. His credit history is shot through credit cards etc which his parents have already bailed him out with once, they are doing it again so that he can get a mortgage.

You could end the tenancy, not tell him & them move out while he's having a few days sofa surfing before returning to crash on your sofa.
Except your sofa will be gone when he returns!