Please settle a household coffee debate!

[Flippingflamingo]

Husband drinks coffee
Wife doesn’t not drink coffee, or tea, or any hot drinks.

Wife does online food shop order each week
Husband visits a supermarket 3-4 times a week to buy lunch on his break
Wife does not usually buy coffee on weekly food shop as it’s not a weekly routine purchase

Husband maintains wife should check household coffee supplies and replenish as needed
Wife maintains husband should tell wife when coffee is needed to add to the order. Or husband should buy it himself on his lunch break!

So as the wife… AIBU?

Maybe the OH should keep a tally on the fridge of how many cups of coffee he is drinking?

Reasonable to expect hubby to let wife know if it's low so she can add it to weekly shop.

If he doesn't he can pick it up whilst in shop himself.

I usually ask my lot if they need anything whilst doing the online shop

Work together for the greater good of harmony in the home. Don't let the small things become a senseless battle ground. If one of you is angry at feeling taken advantage of, talk about that rather than bicker over how coffee should be acquired. Regardless of whomever wins the coffee battle, the bigger issue will remain until it's addressed.

Coffee is a household requirement (& do you never have guests?). Just buy it in the household shopping and don't make such a fuss. I buy loads of things my husband eats/drinks/uses that I don't, because the shopping is one of the (few!) things that I do.

What sort of coffee is this all about ?

8 pages in ... is it instant, ground or beans ?

Maybe its decafe ?

YA Both BU.

In our house, DH does the main food shop.

We both add to the list over a day or so before the shop.

Just before he leaves, he asks if we need anything else.

Your DH should add coffee etc to the list. You could ask him, the last time you see him before you go if there's anything else he can think of. Doing those two things doesn't cost either of you anything.

Most husbands including my own don't use tampons but mine will still buy them if they're needed!

Again, she's not refusing to buy it, just would like to be told when an item with no regular frequency needs to be bought.

Him: "Coffee's getting a bit low."
Her: "Ok, I'll get it in the next shop."

Do you share overall chores fairly and have you agreed that food shopping is one of your chores?
I do the food shopping in our house and I check the cupboards and write a list before I go.
Otherwise it would be like someone in charge of bed changing not changing the pillow cases.

Because they are considered that their dh likes coffee and drinks it daily.
I have fond memories of making my Dad coffee.
I didn't drink it , but I enjoy making it , and always felt it was appreciated.

But isn't this a bonus or a nice gesture rather than a responsibility? My DH will sometimes message me and ask if I'd like him to bring some sushi or a sandwich home for me, or I'll ask him if he wants anything if we're stopping in at the shops on the way back from the kids' activities. But neither of us considers this a responsibility and gets antsy with the other one for not doing it.

When he notices it's running low he adds it to the shopping list, surely? Thus enabling the wife to add it to the online order.

Yep
My dh is the same.
He lived alone for 6 years before we met, so he's organised
I do the shopping currently because he works longer hours
But if we run out he'll nip down the supermarket happily for me - give and take.

Takes seconds to wipe round the kitchen cupboards / fridge.
Coffee is top priority for my dh.

I'm the only hot drink drinker in house, it's my responsibility, like it's my responsibility to say when my deodrants ran out or my shampoo, how would my spouse know if they don't use these items.

This, I wouldn't want to have to remember to get coffee on my precious lunch break either 🤷‍♀️

😂
You don't have many problems, do you?

The coffee drinker should subscribe to Pact or similar and get really good and fairly funded coffee delivered through the door. Better coffee, no fannying with shops, no pass agg idiocy.

Jesus, how petty and exhausting

Do married couples not want to help each other out?

I do online food shop, but we have a list on the fridge to add things as and when we run out. My dh wouldn't expect me to check what has run out, especially if it's things I don't use ie his mouthwash for eg. But if I do notice it's low I will add it. That said, if my dh was going to the supermarket that often, and he was the one who only drank coffee, I'd be a bit hmm as to why he couldn't buy it when he was there.
Fwiw we mostly drink ground coffee and dh gets bulk bags of beans online.

If his lunch break was that precious, he'd not be trekking out daily to a supermarket to buy lunch.

So seeing as he is, he can buy coffee if speaking up when the OP is doing the online shop is too much effort.

Don’t you have an ongoing shopping list, to which you can both add items when you can see they will run out soon, ready for the next big shop? If you did that it would be up to your husband to add coffee to the list as necessary.

But if you don’t, I don’t really see why you object to just checking the coffee every few weeks if family shopping is the role you have taken on. To say he should buy it himself because you don’t use it seems very petty.

Same! We just yell 'Alexa add to shopping list' and hey presto! No pettiness ensues 👍

We all have different ways to organise our shopping and how we get it. I find this argument about the coffee very sad, though tbh. Personally, here I write the main shopping list and it takes less than 20 minutes to have a sweep round of the cupboards and the bathrooms just before the shopping is done online.

But we always have a spare of the cupboard staple things which either of us use regularly so it is easy to see when you open a cupboard door if the spare has now been started on. Then it goes on the list. That includes tea and coffee ( I never drink tea). I look in the fridge and freezer too. Takes very little time to do that, because I have a good idea of what we usually use in a week, in the fridge/freezer.

OH adds 'extra' things he wants which are often fresh items, but not entirely. He may even have written these things down before I add to the list. If, very occasionally either of us have forgotten something, or fancy something we haven't got in the house, he will pop out to our local small supermarket. Either of us do the actual ordering online.

It works for us. If the system in place isn't working for you @OP instead of being annoyed about it, maybe try a different way of doing it. In my view, coffee is a staple and you'd be less stressed if you just had a quick look yourself. Coffee mostly comes in clear jars so easy to check.

We have a magnetic shopping list on the fridge. Whoever uses the last of something makes a note & the next one who goes shopping buys it - simples!!

Why aren't foods that are running low added to the list?
We have a running list on a notice board in the kitchen, everyone write things they are out of or running low.
I can't eat many of the things my Dh and Dd eat or drink, yet still buy them if they are on the list.