Please settle a household coffee debate!

[Flippingflamingo]

Husband drinks coffee
Wife doesn’t not drink coffee, or tea, or any hot drinks.

Wife does online food shop order each week
Husband visits a supermarket 3-4 times a week to buy lunch on his break
Wife does not usually buy coffee on weekly food shop as it’s not a weekly routine purchase

Husband maintains wife should check household coffee supplies and replenish as needed
Wife maintains husband should tell wife when coffee is needed to add to the order. Or husband should buy it himself on his lunch break!

So as the wife… AIBU?

Not everyone likes a list.

I personally never do shopping lists, I do my shop online and just add whatever I want or need as the week goes on, then do a quick "check" of the cupboards the day before in case there's anything I've forgotten - never gone wrong so far!

I would say it’s the job of the person who does the weekly shop to check what is needed.

However, it would take him 2 seconds to remind you and so you are both being a bit silly.

When do your kids tell you that the cereal is getting low?

If my DD tells me randomly that X, Y and Z is running low and I need to remember to get it on the next shop, I would end up forgetting.

I have a shopping list on the fridge and I write things down as I see they’re running low. Other family members can do the same.

When I do the shop, I will also have a quick look to see what else needs replacing.

Me and dp drink different coffee, I just add it to the online shop from the favourites list, everyone has access to the shopping app so if they need or want anything in particular they just go on the app and add it 🤷🏼‍♀️

@Flippingflamingo you are both being unreasonable.

He should let you know when it's nearly empty and you should add it to the online shopping list.

It's REALLY annoying to have to carry a jar of coffee around with your lunch.

Your DH is ridiculous. Of course he should tell you if he wants you to pick up coffee.

You aren’t the quartermaster, it’s not on you to know the stock levels of everything.

Coffee is something only needed occasionally unlike milk or bread so you aren’t going to assume you need it every week. If the kids want Weetabix or grapes, they tell you. If DH is running out of coffee, he can do the same.

Whoever is doing the shop should buy for the household not just themselves. There are loads of things I don’t eat/drink that others do, but it doesn’t occur to me to leave them off the shopping just because I don’t like them.

Lots of things aren’t “weekly routine purchases” - surely you must buy those when needed, eg washing powder?

Your wife is correct with this one. If she doesn't drink coffee how will she know it's running out? If you drink it you can see it's running out so why wait for it to run low or run out. Why not just say coffee is running low can you put it on your shopping list or as she said pick it up yoursel!!

Happily married for 40 years, we both do the shopping, not always together, and both do online orders for coffee. Always ask each other if there’s anything we need before shopping/ordering. Tea arrives at our door via Ringtons (Google it), and is only drunk by my OH. But I do know what he needs, so can contribute to the harmony of the house, and get my favourite biscuits!😁

Fuck !! You're both being arses.

Put the coffee on the regular shopping list for consumables.

I can't imagine not ordering my husband the stuff that he likes or would use on the weekly shop. Ordering coffee isn't a massive chore and I wouldn't want to carry about with my lunch either. I also wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who was so petty, it sounds like hard work.

I think the point is that they don't need a bag of coffee every week, as they'd quickly build up a mountain of coffee given that only DH drinks it. I'm sure if it were a case of just adding it to the weekly favourites OP wouldn't mind doing that. It's more that it's an intermittent thing and he won't just let her know when it's getting low, and alternatively doesn't just buy it himself. He is adding to her (very long) list of life admin. I can understand that feeling when there's no more room left for even one more minor thing.

Yes
I'm the wife in this and coffee is a food shop item.
What if you have a visitor?
Making my dh a coffee makes him feel appreciated
As do I when dh makes me a non coffee drink (especially Sunday morning)

My husband and I take turns doing the shopping every Sunday. On my weeks I ask him if he wants anything. That’s his opportunity to ask for things only he needs that week, like toiletries (or tea bags). If he doesn’t ask, and it isn’t on our Alexa list, it’s up to him to get it himself either during the week or his next weekly shop. He does the same on his weeks.
I do think OP and husband are both being petty though. It isn’t hard to buy coffee every so often, but I do think it’s very entitled and lazy to expect someone else to check when you could just ask when it’s needed.

In our house we just reach the end of something and then buy some more. It's not really anyone's responsibility. The only thing that's really a problem is if we run out of the packed lunch stuff. Since I do packed lunches, I make sure on Sunday that we have enough for the week ahead. Otherwise there's always something to eat/drink in the house, even if it's not our first choice. The coffee-drinker would just have to have a glass of water until someone popped to the shops. If we run out of one cereal, the kids have to eat a different one or toast until we get round to replacing it.

It's not hard for him to add coffee to the list when he wants some

I dont drink Coffee ,but check on supplies as DH/DD /DS all like it! I think YABU here TBH. It seems a petty thing to argue about to me

I am a single parent who lives with teen son. For years, he’s been expected to tell me that I’ve run out of XYZ because how would I know if he’s run out of deodorant or whatever. He’s happy to pop to the shops if he forgot to tell me to buy say some Doritos (not something that I eat) but I’d rather buy it with my weekly shop than him pop to the co-op

That's different though as with a group of coffee drinkers you will be needing it replaced more often. OP only needs to buy coffee intermittently when it's getting low and there's no reason why DH can't keep her abreast/add it to list/buy it himself.

You are both being ridiculous!

You could easily ask if he wants anything when you do the shop. He could pick some up during the week.

All sounds very petty.

Husband needs to use his legs and walk to the coffee isle on one of his daily trips to the supermarket.

It isn't petty if OP is handling the lion's share, or maybe even all, of the mental load, though. She's saying that she can't cope with anything else on top and he isn't listening to her.

Our online shop comes on a Tuesday. On a Monday night we do this crazy thing. We both look in the cupboards and see what’s needed. We talk to each other. He tells me if my gluten free pasta (that he doesn’t eat) is getting low and I tell him he needs frozen fish (that I don’t eat).

It’ll never catch on.

I'm just baffled at to why anyone would blame another person for not having coffee in the house.

Even if the weekly shop is technically "their" job, wouldn't you just pop to the shop or ask them to get it if they're going first? Why is blame part of the conversation? It's hardly a big inconvenience to run out of coffee... unless you're specifically having people round for coffee, in which case it could be awkward 🤔.

Oh my goodness, the OP isn't refusing to buy the damn coffee, she is just asking that she is told when it needs to be bought.

I've just checked dh's jar, it says it makes 111 cups, Not a weekly purchase, probably not even a monthly one, but a fairly irregular one. Therefore it makes sense for the OP's DH to point out when it needs replacing.

This.

I always text my DC when I'm off to Sainsbury's to ask if there are any requests that weren't written on the list in the kitchen.