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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For thinking of speaking to this school mum

180 replies

Stickler1 · 07/09/2024 07:51

Yesterday at pick up me and DS heard some boys from his class talking about the school choir that has just been set up. I think there was around 5/6 of them. We heard them saying how they weren’t going and one of them said “I’m not joining the choir because I’m not gay” then came the laughter of the rest of the group.

When we got into the car DS started crying. He said he wanted to join the choir but didn’t now after hearing those comments.

The boys are year 4 so 8/9 years old. I think this kind of talk at this age (or any age actually) is unacceptable. I know who the mum is of the boy who made the gay comment. I was so annoyed yesterday that I was thinking of having a little chat with her on Monday. WIBU to do this?

OP posts:
pollymere · 09/09/2024 21:29

Onemorenamechangeagain · 09/09/2024 17:33

Perhaps you failed to notice that 30 years is not that long in the grand scheme of things and some things are clearly still an issue, hence this whole post??

Show quote history

Except now it's illegal. And persistent offenders in school are excluded. There is no excuse for homophobic, transphobic or sexist comments in school -- or anywhere else for that matter.

If you consider how much technology has moved on in thirty years, we have made similar leaps in the ways we treat others in the past thirty years. It wasn't acceptable thirty years ago - and it's even less acceptable now.

Your attitude makes you sound on the defensive towards homophobia, transphobia, sexism, racism and misogyny.

Original poster
Stickler1 · 09/09/2024 21:33

Hi everyone! Just a little update. DS has decided after all that he doesn’t want to join the choir. He “swears” it’s nothing to do with the comments he overheard and that he wasn’t 100% on the idea anyway. He came back from school happy and assured me that nothing was said. I just really hope he’s being honest! If he’s happy I’m happy though

OP posts:
saraclara · 09/09/2024 21:55

Stickler1 · 07/09/2024 10:21

DH thinks I should leave it for now as if it comes out that I have spoken to the teacher he is worried it will backfire onto DS. He thinks that as it wasn’t directly aimed at DS and the boy may not even know DS wanted to join the choir, then it may cause necessary problems.

I disagree though and I think sooner this is nipped in the bud the better. Hopefully the boy gets spoken to by the teacher/school and if he does manage to find out where it has come from he will apologise

The boy won't be spoken to. The incident wasn't witnessed and the word wasn't used to bully your son. The school has nothing to go on that can justify a targeted punishment for the child. Homophobic/racist/other ist language is addressed and covered regularly in school. So it won't be deliberately inserted into a lesson this week if you report it. There isn't room in the curriculum to do that kind of thing, based on one boy using the word gay.

I'm not condoning the behaviour for her minute, but really, this isn't something that is going to be picked up in the way you think. I'd leave it.

ETA oops. I missed a page

Onemorenamechangeagain · 09/09/2024 22:02

pollymere · 09/09/2024 21:29

Except now it's illegal. And persistent offenders in school are excluded. There is no excuse for homophobic, transphobic or sexist comments in school -- or anywhere else for that matter.

If you consider how much technology has moved on in thirty years, we have made similar leaps in the ways we treat others in the past thirty years. It wasn't acceptable thirty years ago - and it's even less acceptable now.

Your attitude makes you sound on the defensive towards homophobia, transphobia, sexism, racism and misogyny.

Show quote history

If you think I'm defending homophobia then you clearly have comprehension issues. Quite the opposite in fact if you bothered to read properly.

Packetofcrispsplease · 10/09/2024 08:54

All you can do is tell your son it’s a load of showing off and that these other boys don’t even know what “ gay “ actually means .
Then let school know this is happening.
My girls when they were young were the types to step in and intervene tell the boys off and say they don’t know what they’re talking about

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