For thinking of speaking to this school mum

[Stickler1]

Yesterday at pick up me and DS heard some boys from his class talking about the school choir that has just been set up. I think there was around 5/6 of them. We heard them saying how they weren’t going and one of them said “I’m not joining the choir because I’m not gay” then came the laughter of the rest of the group.

When we got into the car DS started crying. He said he wanted to join the choir but didn’t now after hearing those comments.

The boys are year 4 so 8/9 years old. I think this kind of talk at this age (or any age actually) is unacceptable. I know who the mum is of the boy who made the gay comment. I was so annoyed yesterday that I was thinking of having a little chat with her on Monday. WIBU to do this?

Please don't approach the mum concerned but speak to your son's class teacher as soon as possible. You can ask for your concerns to remain anonymous. There is no room for homophobic comments in school and the sooner that this is addressed the better.

Speak to the school, they’re so well experienced at handling these sorts of things, and you don’t know what else has been going on they may need to address.

i think we would all be shocked at what goes on behind the scenes at schools, they’re good at what they do, thing is they can never defend theirselves publicly.

School would want to know, so they can address it.

Bad idea to speak to mum. Teach your child resilience and good on him if he wants to do the choir.

He said all these boys are in the school football team and are the “popular” (his words) ones. Why is it that all these type of boys are the ones who act like this?

Such an unpleasant generalisation to make.

My youngest in Y3 is one of the 'popular' boys and is in both the football and rugby teams and the choir. Where would that place him? Is his inclusion in the choir redeeming enough to not be counted as one of 'these type' of boys?

Some kids are nasty. Boys, girls, footballers, singers. Areseholes come from all walks of life. No generalisations needed.

Speak to the school so they can educate and monitor it. Unfortunately this language and those particular words are common at this age. Huge sigh. Everything is gay or bent when they get to 12 and the flurry of other word they pick up at secondary school. This has been an eye opener for me personally.

Certainly hope you convinced your son it’s fine to join the choir!

I think you should tell the school. They can make it so that it's not directed at him.

Speak to the school, explain about your so wanting to join and being concerned now.

Would you say the same thing about the P word (against Asian kids) or the N word?

Would you say the same thing about kids hitting other kids?
Do you think the fact that children use these words or hit other kids means that nothing should be done about it?

Er, plenty of gay men are in the army and plenty of gay men are "masculine" presenting.

How can they "record incidents" if they are not told about them? Or does it only count if a teacher actually hears something?

Where is your evidence that she has raised her son like that? That is totally unfair and without evidence.
Kids get words, attitudes etc from all kinds of sources. Especially social media.
A lot of words I used as a teen in the 70's my mother had no idea what they meant.

The evidence is very clear. Women who raise their children to be anti gay don’t produce offspring who use ‘gay’ as a slur. If this child had been educated at home to support the gay community he wouldn’t be using that word as an insult.

I'm betting it's shit they've heard at home.

This is one to bring up with the school sounds like the class need talking to about it.

Schools didn't tackle it then because of section 28. Finishing at school was one of the happiest days of my life.

How depressing that kids are still using that kind of language. I’d speak to the school. The teacher could address the class about using homophobic slurs without singling out the child.

When I said heard it at home should've added perhaps from older sibling ,some dad's still hold homophobic views as to what boys should or shouldn't be doing.

Please speak to the school rather than the parent in any situation. We've got a parent in our class who messages other mums with any small thing claiming their child has done this to her child and to speak to them. All without hearing the other child's side of the story first. Her child is always pushing, screaming in children's faces and she seems to think her child is so innocent.... I avoid her now if I can. And I've noticed other parents do the same.

For starters, I do find it very sad that your son has been put off joining the choir because of these small mixed opinions. Secondly, I do not agree with any homophobic comments BUT OP, I think you're over reacting a little bit. Okay, a school age kid said the choir is gay, now your son doesn't want to join. It's sad but this is how it is when you're a kid. Everything was gay. It's only going to get worse as they get older. Some of the stuff I hear from the teens when I di the school run makes my insides run cold but it was the same when I was at school and will continue. Rather than crying to the school about it, teach your DS some resilience. If he doesn't want to put himself into a position where he goes against the grain and ends up a target then as sad as it is, its his call.

As others have said, raise it at the school, preferably in writing. Kids often get this type of behaviour from parents so trying to tackle this on your own may just result in defensive reaction and your son as a target sadly.

A school which get these types of issues complaints do take it seriously and have ways to manage it. Do mention the names as they can be monitored and direct interaction can be implemented in a non confrontational way.

Meanwhile I know you will explain to your son about bravado and how stupid and awful some kids can be to show off. Xx