To ask you to help me process things and get home from France.

[Notsurehowtoprocessthis]

I've come away with a friend and our children and she's been struggling since before we got here.

Tonight my daughter got really tired and had a screaming meltdown after my friend's daughter hurt herself and my daughter saw the blood and couldnt cope and it sent her into an epic meltdown. My friend has got it into her head that my daughter was being out of order for screaming when her daughter had hurt herself and couldn't understand that my daughter literally just can't cope with things like that due to her autism. She kept coming over trying to tell my daughter off for screaming and saying to me it was out of order (my DD is 5) and I said just leave it she's having a meltdown. I kept repeating that she's having a meltdown and there's nothing anyone can do to calm her until she's calm, so she's gone back to the room and text me that she can't be here and she's booked something else and leaving in the morning.

Which is fine. İf she doesn't want to be around us, I can't fault her for that. Only I booked and paid for the accomodation and she was paying for the transport. She drove us here and I don't drive. I don't even have a suitcase for my stuff as I just threw it in a supermarket bag for life and a large shoulder bag and put it in the car for convenience, as well as a couple of blankets and a pillow. I'll have to try and ask the staff if they can help me sort out a suitcase. We are in the countryside on a Eurocamp and there's a train station but I doubt it would take us anywhere nearby easy to get to with a suitcase shop and my daughter doesn't walk far due to her autism.

There hasn't been any issues with my daughter. She's well behaved. She has her moments like all kids with not listening sometimes and asking for sweets constantly, but no different from her friend. There's been no drama, everything has been fine all holiday between us all. She hasn't had a meltdown for weeks because it's been summer holidays and life has been much calmer. My friend hasn't been sleeping though and struggling with her daughter between the two of them, some kind of discomnectand it seems like she's just taken this as her personal last straw and wants to be alone. Which is fine. İf she can't cope with other people right now that's not something I'd hold against anyone. They didn't have to be around us for the meltdown, we were outdoors in a public area with loads of different things to do, and I've done my own thing all afternoon as we wanted to do different things, so there hasn't been any animosity building up. İn fact, me and my dd had only been back for about ten minutes at the campsite from our day out when this all erupted. My daughter has meltdowns, that's just autism unfortunately, but no one was forced to be around us, we weren't at the room when it happened and it's the only one in weeks and weeks. I've warned my friend loads of times about the autism. We all went on a group holiday before and shared a glamping pod and everything was fine, so I don't know where this has come from.

Anyway sorry for the long post, just trying to process it all. Through the accomodation booking I booked a heavily discounted ferry crossing. Would I be out of order to cancel it and book myself and DD discounted foot passenger tickets. İt's the cheapest way for me to get home. I've already paid the accomodation and my friend was meant to be paying the travel. I can only get the discount once so I'd have to cancel the ferry we were booked on, in order to use the discount for myself. I'm already going to have to pay for really expensive last minute trains all the way here in France and UK and a taxi from the station and it's going to be a much harder and longer journey and there's less ferries per day which take foot passengers.

The other thing is, is that my friend was really keen for us to do Disney on this holiday for a day. I went along with it to be a good friend, even though it's a big extra expense on what was supposed to be a cheap holiday, and she wanted to tell the children before we had booked it. Anyway I was only able to go as she gets DLA for her child so booked queue jump for us via her DLA. I can't take my DD now as she can't cope with queues and her DLA hasn't been processed yet. My friend did a big surprise thing with getting them to scratch scratch cards to see where they're going even after I said let's tell them when we are on the way, because I didn't want to make promises which might not be kept, knowing how tired everyone gets on holiday. Now I have to tell my dd that her friend is leaving early and we can't go to Disney now either.

Sorry for the long post I just don't want people to jump in and say maybe your dd is being worse than you think, and i wanted to properly explain the autism and how much I've been on my dd's emotions to make sure there hasn't been any outbursts.

@linelgreen that’s completely irrelevant but many schools have a string of inset days at the start of the school term.

Have re read and there's no actual sign that the friend IS abandoning op, just re can't share accommodation anymore.
If the dd is bleeding so much it's led to this whole situation maybe she's off getting medical attention, and like op, her current focus is making sure her dd is safe and OK?
Especially as pp have pointed out the bleeding and injured 5yo also has additional needs.

You’ve cancelled the ferry booking for your ex- friend? Have you told her this? You can easily get a train or even a cheap Ryanair flight back depending on the distance to the airport. Get a basic zip bag to put your things in.

What's the situation this morning OP?

If she's booked Disney hotel and you've booked the car on the ferry, she needs to come and pick you up on the day you're supposed to go home.

@Testina

It covers the well being of a child. If you click on the link.

@Testina

The OP described a big meltdown yesterday, and although she says her child has otherwise coped OK - I think
navigating from a rural campsite : and then transport from busy places like Paris could be tricky, plus carrying luggage. I’d say that is stressful for a child with autism - and could trigger a meltdown.

I did click on the link. It does cover the wellbeing of a child. Would that extend to, “my child he grazed their knee and the supermarket for plasters is a 20 minute walk, could the RAF helicopter in a medic?”
Come on, the wellbeing of a child does not include this situation where the OP already has a solution!!!!

@Testina - see my above post. And I put my advice in order : ask campsite reception first, then ask travel insurance, then get more help. I’d also want someone at home to know I was travelling - and where they could help me if needed.

I also think you're being way too understanding here. Regardless of what has happened, they absolutely cannot leave you stranded, that is totally ridiculous. So say you understand she wants space and ask when and where you'll meet for the journey back. Each do your own thing until then.

Don't even insinuate you can try to make your own way home because you absolutely shouldn't have to and she would be absolutely awful, selfish and insane to suggest otherwise

It just sounds as though your friend had had enough of sharing a caravan with you, which is fair enough. I'm sure she is still planning for you to travel back to the UK together, and I very much doubt she will steal your Disney ticket (although I'd seriously consider whether your daughter would enjoy Disney - the tranquility of the campsite may suit her better).
Enjoy the rest of the week 😊

@Testina

It’s not just a cut knee - it’s travelling across France having been abandoned, with a child who could have a meltdown in a stressful situation.

I don’t disagree with speaking to someone at home. But this is really not a foreign office emergency, by any stretch.

OP already has funds and knows the route home. Rural France? With a campsite you can reach DLP from on a shuttle bus, the same DLP that’s on the train line to the capital, complete with train link back to U.K.?

If she can’t buy a suitcase or handle a suitcase and child, I’m sure that just ditching the bag completely is more of a solution than the foreign office emergency line.

It’s completely OTT to suggest the foreign office when she can already get home. They are there for actual emergencies.

This.Why are people insisting the OP has been ABANDONED? There's no point feeding the spiraling of this until op speaks to her friend.

Shes gone. She's taken my daughter's car seat out of the car and left it here too. İt's not even mine I borrowed it from someone in our home town.

Speak to your friend today. Hopefully she will have had time to regroup and realise she over reacted. If she insists on staying in the hotel at Disney, that’s fine but I would ask her what time she is coming to pick you up for the journey home. Her answer to that will lead you to the next bit. If she says she is not, then I would reiterate the agreed plans, and that if she is not going to keep to her half of the bargain, then you would like her to transfer her half of the accommodation costs, and return your Disney tickets. I would then cancel the transport back for you all and sort my self out. I would buy a cheap suitcase and fly back easy jet go from CDG.

The cut knee is my example of something that you can definitely call “the wellbeing of a child” but which doesn’t reach re threshold for the government to step in!

Yes, her child could have a meltdown. What do you think the foreign office should do? Lay on a private jet home? What would you expect them to do beyond confirm that she’s a thoroughly competent adult who has already researched the route home alone, and can afford it?

She's really horrible for doing this. Leaving your DD with a long and complicated journey home. I'm sorry OP.

Nothing to add to @MrsElijahMikaelson1 excellent post above. You are assuming your friend is not going to bring you home, but she'd have to be a pretty awful person to do that. Message her about her plans.

Definitely do this. I can't believe she's left the car seat and left you completely in the lurch. If she doesn't come back to travel home with you, I'd be ending the friendship. (I'd still be looking at this regardless due to the way she's treated you and your daughter, both financially and emotionally).

I absolutely would do all of this. Sorry you're in this situation OP. Sounds a nightmare. Can't believe a friend would leave someone in a situation like that

@Testina

Which is why I put it as a last resort, but the contact details are there. I’m sorry - but I’ve recently been to a rural campsite in France. If there was no bus for any reason (things do tend to shut down/sporadic services on a Sunday/Monday) - or got stuck, I’d have had to walk a good 10k to the nearest town. There’s a language barrier, Paris is VERY busy - I’d want a safety net if I was travelling with an autistic child. I’d want to know what I could do in an emergency.

Wow. Has she said whether or not she will come and pick you up and take you home or has she just abandoned you permanently?

That’s awful! Hopefully the person who leant it will tell you not to worry about it. I expect posting it back would cost more than replacing it!

I expect the site has other Brits - does it have a fb page? Could you post asking if anyone lives near <your town> who has space in their car to bring it to the U.K.? I’d volunteer. People don’t like to get caught in drama so I’d avoid sharing the real details. “Friend had to leave early due to family emergency and we’re now going by train. But in the rush to get away, left car seat out when repacking” type explanation?

If the friend has abandoned op for what she reports isn't a very big thing, I would also be very very worried about her mental health.
Surely to have this reported level of what I'm assuming is very out of character behaviour, otherwise why go on holiday?