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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask you to help me process things and get home from France.

940 replies

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 04/09/2024 21:49

I've come away with a friend and our children and she's been struggling since before we got here.

Tonight my daughter got really tired and had a screaming meltdown after my friend's daughter hurt herself and my daughter saw the blood and couldnt cope and it sent her into an epic meltdown. My friend has got it into her head that my daughter was being out of order for screaming when her daughter had hurt herself and couldn't understand that my daughter literally just can't cope with things like that due to her autism. She kept coming over trying to tell my daughter off for screaming and saying to me it was out of order (my DD is 5) and I said just leave it she's having a meltdown. I kept repeating that she's having a meltdown and there's nothing anyone can do to calm her until she's calm, so she's gone back to the room and text me that she can't be here and she's booked something else and leaving in the morning.

Which is fine. İf she doesn't want to be around us, I can't fault her for that. Only I booked and paid for the accomodation and she was paying for the transport. She drove us here and I don't drive. I don't even have a suitcase for my stuff as I just threw it in a supermarket bag for life and a large shoulder bag and put it in the car for convenience, as well as a couple of blankets and a pillow. I'll have to try and ask the staff if they can help me sort out a suitcase. We are in the countryside on a Eurocamp and there's a train station but I doubt it would take us anywhere nearby easy to get to with a suitcase shop and my daughter doesn't walk far due to her autism.

There hasn't been any issues with my daughter. She's well behaved. She has her moments like all kids with not listening sometimes and asking for sweets constantly, but no different from her friend. There's been no drama, everything has been fine all holiday between us all. She hasn't had a meltdown for weeks because it's been summer holidays and life has been much calmer. My friend hasn't been sleeping though and struggling with her daughter between the two of them, some kind of discomnectand it seems like she's just taken this as her personal last straw and wants to be alone. Which is fine. İf she can't cope with other people right now that's not something I'd hold against anyone. They didn't have to be around us for the meltdown, we were outdoors in a public area with loads of different things to do, and I've done my own thing all afternoon as we wanted to do different things, so there hasn't been any animosity building up. İn fact, me and my dd had only been back for about ten minutes at the campsite from our day out when this all erupted. My daughter has meltdowns, that's just autism unfortunately, but no one was forced to be around us, we weren't at the room when it happened and it's the only one in weeks and weeks. I've warned my friend loads of times about the autism. We all went on a group holiday before and shared a glamping pod and everything was fine, so I don't know where this has come from.

Anyway sorry for the long post, just trying to process it all. Through the accomodation booking I booked a heavily discounted ferry crossing. Would I be out of order to cancel it and book myself and DD discounted foot passenger tickets. İt's the cheapest way for me to get home. I've already paid the accomodation and my friend was meant to be paying the travel. I can only get the discount once so I'd have to cancel the ferry we were booked on, in order to use the discount for myself. I'm already going to have to pay for really expensive last minute trains all the way here in France and UK and a taxi from the station and it's going to be a much harder and longer journey and there's less ferries per day which take foot passengers.

The other thing is, is that my friend was really keen for us to do Disney on this holiday for a day. I went along with it to be a good friend, even though it's a big extra expense on what was supposed to be a cheap holiday, and she wanted to tell the children before we had booked it. Anyway I was only able to go as she gets DLA for her child so booked queue jump for us via her DLA. I can't take my DD now as she can't cope with queues and her DLA hasn't been processed yet. My friend did a big surprise thing with getting them to scratch scratch cards to see where they're going even after I said let's tell them when we are on the way, because I didn't want to make promises which might not be kept, knowing how tired everyone gets on holiday. Now I have to tell my dd that her friend is leaving early and we can't go to Disney now either.

Sorry for the long post I just don't want people to jump in and say maybe your dd is being worse than you think, and i wanted to properly explain the autism and how much I've been on my dd's emotions to make sure there hasn't been any outbursts.

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PeggyMitchellsCameo · 26/09/2024 20:22

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 26/09/2024 16:21

Awww thank you...I love your username as well. I'm always watching Classic EastEnders on U. If you comment on the substack, let me know it's you, because the username always cheers me up!

Will do! I’m obsessed with CE on that U channel it’s where I got my name one day! I think Peggy was screaming at Johnny Allen.
Sadly, he’s no longer with us but by God I loved him.
(I do know they aren’t real!)

Changeagain3 · 29/09/2024 16:29

Hi

Can OP or someone else message me the name of where OP stayed please?

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 02/10/2024 22:36

Changeagain3 · 29/09/2024 16:29

Hi

Can OP or someone else message me the name of where OP stayed please?

I've messaged you :)

OP posts:
Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 11/10/2024 16:12

I have the most amazing news that this week DD was approved for DLA higher rate care and lower rate mobility. I've just found out this afternoon and been crying for hours since.

I'm moving tomorrow as well, so it came at the perfect time.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 11/10/2024 16:13

Fab news. I'm glad things are looking up for you @Notsurehowtoprocessthis

Did you ever hear from your holiday companion again?

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 11/10/2024 16:15

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 11/10/2024 16:12

I have the most amazing news that this week DD was approved for DLA higher rate care and lower rate mobility. I've just found out this afternoon and been crying for hours since.

I'm moving tomorrow as well, so it came at the perfect time.

This is the most fantastic news! Keep us posted on your house move and good luck x

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 11/10/2024 16:16

RampantIvy · 11/10/2024 16:13

Fab news. I'm glad things are looking up for you @Notsurehowtoprocessthis

Did you ever hear from your holiday companion again?

Thank you so much!

No, not a word. Seen her on the school run but that's it. I can see some of her garden from my new house, but none of the rest of the house. I know she's having an operation around about now, as I was meant to help her with the school runs originally, so I'm tempted to reach out and see if she is okay, but maybe not until we're settled.

OP posts:
Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 11/10/2024 16:17

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 11/10/2024 16:15

This is the most fantastic news! Keep us posted on your house move and good luck x

Thank you! I know I owe you a message reply as well, I haven't forgotten you, just been so consumed by the move and worrying about DLA as knew I would be hearing soon.

OP posts:
MSLRT · 11/10/2024 16:20

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 11/10/2024 16:16

Thank you so much!

No, not a word. Seen her on the school run but that's it. I can see some of her garden from my new house, but none of the rest of the house. I know she's having an operation around about now, as I was meant to help her with the school runs originally, so I'm tempted to reach out and see if she is okay, but maybe not until we're settled.

Very generous of you but I wouldn't bother. She doesn't deserve it.

kittylion2 · 11/10/2024 16:22

Yeah - don't contact her. You'll either get drawn in and dropped again, or she'll take the opportunity to have a go at you for her own weird reasons. Best to leave well alone.

RampantIvy · 11/10/2024 16:23

You don't owe her anything after the way she treated you.

I hop the move goes well.

DontCallAnyoneAnIdiotOrYouWillBeBannedAgain · 11/10/2024 16:35

MSLRT · 11/10/2024 16:20

Very generous of you but I wouldn't bother. She doesn't deserve it.

100% this.

She will make you feel like shite all over again over something - possibly her re-writing the history of the France debacle.

Move on .

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 11/10/2024 17:19

Good grief ! why on earth would you contact her ?!!!
it does not matter to you if she is ok or not !

tho I didn't realise your move was going to be so close to her, I thought it was in a new area.

CoffeeLover90 · 11/10/2024 19:19

Great news on DLA, went through this last year and its a stressful process. As PP have said please don't reach out to her. Appreciate you may be doing what you feel is right after arranging to help her previously but, if she has a half a brain cell (and I'm 50/50 on that) she would have assumed you'd no longer be helping and found someone else. This would either be an excuse to have a go at you or play on your niceness to use you to her advantage. You don't deserve either of those things and she doesn't deserve you as a friend.

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 11/10/2024 19:42

No you're all right. I don't know what I was thinking. I guess I was just feeling sympathetic to her as I know she'll be struggling on her own after surgery nd I'll have to walk past her house every time I take dd for a cycle. I wasn't thinking to offer help or anything, just ask her if she's okay, as it seemed like some kind of breakdown she was going through before. Thanks for waking me up out of my sympathy!

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