To ask you to help me process things and get home from France.

[Notsurehowtoprocessthis]

I've come away with a friend and our children and she's been struggling since before we got here.

Tonight my daughter got really tired and had a screaming meltdown after my friend's daughter hurt herself and my daughter saw the blood and couldnt cope and it sent her into an epic meltdown. My friend has got it into her head that my daughter was being out of order for screaming when her daughter had hurt herself and couldn't understand that my daughter literally just can't cope with things like that due to her autism. She kept coming over trying to tell my daughter off for screaming and saying to me it was out of order (my DD is 5) and I said just leave it she's having a meltdown. I kept repeating that she's having a meltdown and there's nothing anyone can do to calm her until she's calm, so she's gone back to the room and text me that she can't be here and she's booked something else and leaving in the morning.

Which is fine. İf she doesn't want to be around us, I can't fault her for that. Only I booked and paid for the accomodation and she was paying for the transport. She drove us here and I don't drive. I don't even have a suitcase for my stuff as I just threw it in a supermarket bag for life and a large shoulder bag and put it in the car for convenience, as well as a couple of blankets and a pillow. I'll have to try and ask the staff if they can help me sort out a suitcase. We are in the countryside on a Eurocamp and there's a train station but I doubt it would take us anywhere nearby easy to get to with a suitcase shop and my daughter doesn't walk far due to her autism.

There hasn't been any issues with my daughter. She's well behaved. She has her moments like all kids with not listening sometimes and asking for sweets constantly, but no different from her friend. There's been no drama, everything has been fine all holiday between us all. She hasn't had a meltdown for weeks because it's been summer holidays and life has been much calmer. My friend hasn't been sleeping though and struggling with her daughter between the two of them, some kind of discomnectand it seems like she's just taken this as her personal last straw and wants to be alone. Which is fine. İf she can't cope with other people right now that's not something I'd hold against anyone. They didn't have to be around us for the meltdown, we were outdoors in a public area with loads of different things to do, and I've done my own thing all afternoon as we wanted to do different things, so there hasn't been any animosity building up. İn fact, me and my dd had only been back for about ten minutes at the campsite from our day out when this all erupted. My daughter has meltdowns, that's just autism unfortunately, but no one was forced to be around us, we weren't at the room when it happened and it's the only one in weeks and weeks. I've warned my friend loads of times about the autism. We all went on a group holiday before and shared a glamping pod and everything was fine, so I don't know where this has come from.

Anyway sorry for the long post, just trying to process it all. Through the accomodation booking I booked a heavily discounted ferry crossing. Would I be out of order to cancel it and book myself and DD discounted foot passenger tickets. İt's the cheapest way for me to get home. I've already paid the accomodation and my friend was meant to be paying the travel. I can only get the discount once so I'd have to cancel the ferry we were booked on, in order to use the discount for myself. I'm already going to have to pay for really expensive last minute trains all the way here in France and UK and a taxi from the station and it's going to be a much harder and longer journey and there's less ferries per day which take foot passengers.

The other thing is, is that my friend was really keen for us to do Disney on this holiday for a day. I went along with it to be a good friend, even though it's a big extra expense on what was supposed to be a cheap holiday, and she wanted to tell the children before we had booked it. Anyway I was only able to go as she gets DLA for her child so booked queue jump for us via her DLA. I can't take my DD now as she can't cope with queues and her DLA hasn't been processed yet. My friend did a big surprise thing with getting them to scratch scratch cards to see where they're going even after I said let's tell them when we are on the way, because I didn't want to make promises which might not be kept, knowing how tired everyone gets on holiday. Now I have to tell my dd that her friend is leaving early and we can't go to Disney now either.

Sorry for the long post I just don't want people to jump in and say maybe your dd is being worse than you think, and i wanted to properly explain the autism and how much I've been on my dd's emotions to make sure there hasn't been any outbursts.

Sounds awful. But I don't think your friend is abandoning you. She just wants to make different plans. Text and ask what her view is on the return trip. You have a whole week to make other plans if she doesn't want to travel back together. Including getting a suitcase delivered from Amazon.

Whilst this is a shame, on a purely practical level it is easy to arrange all the changes, eg book transportation for you and dd.

Completely this. Whilst what she has done is awful, you aren't showing any empathy with the situation she was in. Given that she gets DLA for her child, it can't be that she has it easy either. You couldn't have stopped the meltdown, but you could have removed your child who was undoubtedly making her injured child more distressed.

When you speak to her about the logistics of getting home (which you should do before making any rash changes) the conversation will likely go a lot smoother if you come from a place of understanding why she found the situation challenging too.

Yes she has lashed out more than seems needed, and perhaps there was no way you could have removed your daughter, but having a conversation with understanding may dampen the conflict and help you to get home.

@Notsurehowtoprocessthis

I’ve just come back from France in the car, and used supermarket bags for life. Far easier to pack in the car than suitcases. Don’t feel bad about that.

Awful behaviour from your friend. I think she may well be different in the morning.

But if not:

1. Get help from campsite reception, or email the campsite so you can speak to a manager. They should be able to help with transport.
2. Otherwise - do you have travel insurance?
3. And then : I think because you are a solo woman with a child with additional needs, you could use this contact form for help:

https://www.contact.service.csd.fcdo.gov.uk/emergency-help

Tell someone at home, and see if they can help from there too. Make sure they know where you are/where you are going and you can update them. Ask them to contact Citizens Advice in the UK.

Is it possible to leave something’s behind if you can’t get a suitcase? Leave bedding behind or throw it away? Can you extend the straps with something so you can put it over your shoulder/put everything inside it in a carrier bag in the bag so nothing falls out?

If she does go, just focus on getting home safely. Best wishes XxXx

Fingers crossed everything is calmer this morning and your friend rethinks her plans. It would be really cruel to leave you there. For what it’s worth, you sound really lovely and I hope you and your DD enjoy the rest of your time there together no matter what happens today. Try to roll with it and turn it into an adventure (albeit a stressful one if DD struggles with certain things) for your DD’s sake. Xx

I think this is the kindest response, maybe open with an apology for not showing more empathy towards her dd.

I really hope everyone is calmer this morning and you’re able to find a solution that doesn’t leave you stranded.

Also to all those asking about travel insurance I very much doubt it would cover travel plans disrupted due to a tiff.

IMHO your friend is being unreasonable and sounds v stressed.

You sound v empathetic and resourceful.

I really hope you can sort this out today once your friend is calmer.

Ask her how she expects you to get home. If she really won’t take you home (totally unreasonable) then at least ask her to drive you to buy luggage - you may be able to get a cheap hold-all or backpack at a large supermarket.

If she refuses to drive you home, tell her you’ll have to change the ferry tickets (which presumably you’ve paid for too). Unless she keeps the car slot and buys you the foot passenger tickets. But don’t do that until after she’s helped you buy luggage in case she’s v vindictive.

Unless your DD will be v upset about Disney, maybe leave that, as it may all be a bit much, with the sudden changes of her friend leaving and the more stressful journey home. You could tell her it’s fully booked or something, to avoid another meltdown.

If you friend won’t drive you home without giving you a lot of help (and payment) for an alternative route, then you should consider if she is really a friend. No friend would leave you stranded in rural France with no luggage and a ND child, having used accommodation you’ve paid for.

I hope you get it sorted.

No friend would leave you stranded regardless. That's wrong. I hope this gets resolved, especially for your DD.

I would concede your part in the initial problem, agree that spending the holiday apart works and check she doesn't mind giving you a lift home.
If she won't drive you ( and to be fair driving abroad can be stressful even without other non drivers in the car) then catch the euro star or fly. Much easier to get onward travel back in the U.K.
I'd skip Disney if you haven't got the pass or the money to fast track. She's 5,there's plenty of time. Are you worried about filling the days you have left? I know it can ge daunting and feel like hard work not holiday.

@Billybagpuss

I think it would help in the case of a woman stranded abroad alone - and with a child with additional needs. It’s not just a tiff.

I'd honestly like to hope so, but I wouldn’t hold my breath.

If no resolution tomorrow, book the Disney tickets (but I suspect things will be calmer by then)
Book a train to the ferry, foot passenger tickets are cheap.
Order a suitcase off Amazon to your mobile home (I know from experience they will deliver!)

You mentioned your friend being in receipt of DLA for her daughter - what is this for, is her daughter autistic as well or is it something else?

If her daughter was badly hurt or something that could potentially be serious for her maybe she felt you weren't caring about her problem and couldn't cope with your daughters screaming.

If the ferry tickets are in your name don’t cancel them. If push comes to shove they’ll let you on as foot passengers as that’s cheaper than the car you’ve booked. Ask at the site office today as often people leave stuff in campsites that’s either sold for a few € or free to take, might get a case or bag that way. Also any large LeClerc or SuperU will sell cases and travel bags.

might also work that your friend will regroup at the end if the holiday and you can return home together.

Hope it all works out.

I think solution is friend just needs to drive yoy home. Speak to her and find out whether that is her plan or not. Explain that you can't carry your bags and it will cost you a fortune to book new transport. I'd forget Disney and just stick with staying at the campsite and chilling out.

Apologise in the morning and have a gentle talk about your situation when the girls are calmly playing after breakfast.
Point out to your friend how reliant you are on her for transport.
Accept that you might not share accommodation nor every meal time or day time activiy but that you need to have her commitment not to abandon you in a foreign country.

You will work things out. You will not spend every waking moment sharing the holiday but it will be fine.

Don't agree to going on holidays with other families again.

For now I'd give your friend the benefit of the doubt that she was stressed that her child was injured, and whilst you helping your daughter through her meltdown was your priority, her dealing with her injured child was hers and the stress of the situation made things worse but she will calm down and realise that it was a crap situation for all involved

I'd give her a ring this morning and explain that whilst you understand if she wants to continue the holiday separately (I wouldnt even mention Disney or other plans you had together) you need to meet at 9am on Saturday or whatever to travel home. Make it clear that you expect nothing more of her from the holiday but dont even suggest you making your own way home, that wasnt the plan and you will all have to just travel home together, (even if you never speak again after that)

If she ignores your call or says she isnt willing to bring you home, then tell her you need to cancel the car ferry to rebook yourself as foot passengers.

Id be amazed if she left you and your young daughter in a foreign country...only a really crappy person would do that so hopefully she will cool down and you can work it out

I can see both sides here. I am wondering if your friend and her daughter have seen melt downs previously. If not there expectations might have been different. It's not unreasonable for your friend to say its not working for her. A less dramatic action would have been to move to another caravan to gain some space.
Hopefully friend has got some sleep and perspective. Approach this calmly, get her view on travelling home, then make plans around this.

I agree with this, how much blood and how injured was her dd?

@Trobealone this really not a foreign office emergency support situation. The OP is already perfectly able to get home. She doesn’t need the government to airlift a suitcase to her.

As for getting someone in the U.K. to speak to Citizen’s Advice - why?!!!!

She’s totally out of order! It’s hard enough dealing with an autistic daughter without friends like this. Hopefully she will calm down this morning. If not, well definitely that is the end of the friendship with her.

Hoping you wake up this morning and can reset and resolve it so you can all have a holiday

Thought all kids should be back in school now rather than on holiday

Hopefully your friend will have calmed down today and realise she was massively over-reacting. If she has calmed down somewhat, maybe suggest staying together in the caravan but going off to do separate activities and meals within the camp for a few days.

If she has already booked to go stay somewhere else, then I would politely and calmly explain that you have no means of getting home, you don’t even have a suitcase, and please could she return on the last day to collect you and travel home together. If she isn’t planning on at least driving you back, abandoning you in France, then honestly she is a terrible terrible person.

I would remain civil and calm, in the hope that she plans to do the right thing for the return journey. But once you are home I would seriously reevaluate if this person remains your friend.