To ask you to help me process things and get home from France.

[Notsurehowtoprocessthis]

I've come away with a friend and our children and she's been struggling since before we got here.

Tonight my daughter got really tired and had a screaming meltdown after my friend's daughter hurt herself and my daughter saw the blood and couldnt cope and it sent her into an epic meltdown. My friend has got it into her head that my daughter was being out of order for screaming when her daughter had hurt herself and couldn't understand that my daughter literally just can't cope with things like that due to her autism. She kept coming over trying to tell my daughter off for screaming and saying to me it was out of order (my DD is 5) and I said just leave it she's having a meltdown. I kept repeating that she's having a meltdown and there's nothing anyone can do to calm her until she's calm, so she's gone back to the room and text me that she can't be here and she's booked something else and leaving in the morning.

Which is fine. İf she doesn't want to be around us, I can't fault her for that. Only I booked and paid for the accomodation and she was paying for the transport. She drove us here and I don't drive. I don't even have a suitcase for my stuff as I just threw it in a supermarket bag for life and a large shoulder bag and put it in the car for convenience, as well as a couple of blankets and a pillow. I'll have to try and ask the staff if they can help me sort out a suitcase. We are in the countryside on a Eurocamp and there's a train station but I doubt it would take us anywhere nearby easy to get to with a suitcase shop and my daughter doesn't walk far due to her autism.

There hasn't been any issues with my daughter. She's well behaved. She has her moments like all kids with not listening sometimes and asking for sweets constantly, but no different from her friend. There's been no drama, everything has been fine all holiday between us all. She hasn't had a meltdown for weeks because it's been summer holidays and life has been much calmer. My friend hasn't been sleeping though and struggling with her daughter between the two of them, some kind of discomnectand it seems like she's just taken this as her personal last straw and wants to be alone. Which is fine. İf she can't cope with other people right now that's not something I'd hold against anyone. They didn't have to be around us for the meltdown, we were outdoors in a public area with loads of different things to do, and I've done my own thing all afternoon as we wanted to do different things, so there hasn't been any animosity building up. İn fact, me and my dd had only been back for about ten minutes at the campsite from our day out when this all erupted. My daughter has meltdowns, that's just autism unfortunately, but no one was forced to be around us, we weren't at the room when it happened and it's the only one in weeks and weeks. I've warned my friend loads of times about the autism. We all went on a group holiday before and shared a glamping pod and everything was fine, so I don't know where this has come from.

Anyway sorry for the long post, just trying to process it all. Through the accomodation booking I booked a heavily discounted ferry crossing. Would I be out of order to cancel it and book myself and DD discounted foot passenger tickets. İt's the cheapest way for me to get home. I've already paid the accomodation and my friend was meant to be paying the travel. I can only get the discount once so I'd have to cancel the ferry we were booked on, in order to use the discount for myself. I'm already going to have to pay for really expensive last minute trains all the way here in France and UK and a taxi from the station and it's going to be a much harder and longer journey and there's less ferries per day which take foot passengers.

The other thing is, is that my friend was really keen for us to do Disney on this holiday for a day. I went along with it to be a good friend, even though it's a big extra expense on what was supposed to be a cheap holiday, and she wanted to tell the children before we had booked it. Anyway I was only able to go as she gets DLA for her child so booked queue jump for us via her DLA. I can't take my DD now as she can't cope with queues and her DLA hasn't been processed yet. My friend did a big surprise thing with getting them to scratch scratch cards to see where they're going even after I said let's tell them when we are on the way, because I didn't want to make promises which might not be kept, knowing how tired everyone gets on holiday. Now I have to tell my dd that her friend is leaving early and we can't go to Disney now either.

Sorry for the long post I just don't want people to jump in and say maybe your dd is being worse than you think, and i wanted to properly explain the autism and how much I've been on my dd's emotions to make sure there hasn't been any outbursts.

If she leaves you there and drives back alone then she's bang out of order and yes, I'd change the travel booking you've got to something that suits you and never speak to her again. How awful

If friend does leave you then talk to the campsite manager and see if they have any advice.
Look at Bla bla car.
Go on fb and look at lifts in France for everyone.
Also join ladies in France together for help in your area.

Good luck.

I think you should take a day or two to process everything and concentrate on having a nice time with your daughter for the rest of the holiday, it's not going to be a problem to get back to the UK so don't rush any decisions, you can always leave some things behind if you need to or post them back to yourself in the UK if you need to get rid of one of your bags, just travel with what you need, the bare essentials.

Personally I would forget about the ferry, there's no need to use it without a car and you'll have the travel to and from the ferry terminals to pay for, so wouldn't it be easier to get the eurostar direct and then you only need to find onward travel from St Pancras?

If you've still got a few days left try and book Disney using your free tickets, even if you don't end up using them, I suspect she may have already used the tickets though.. forget Disney if it becomes too complicated though, it really isn't a necessity.

If you need more specific help then you could post your location and dates of travel and people could help sourcing things/travel options for you.

I just wanted to say OP that I'm sorry you're facing this. It's a really difficult and unpleasant position to have been put in. I would find it awful (and I could like you make a plan and get through it) but it's really not fair that you have to. I'm sorry this has happened to you.

So sorry this has happened. Would it be easier to fly home if your friend does choose to move on? May be more straight forward with your little one.

If it were me I would sort a case, go to Disney and get the train from there to the airport (funds permitting). Write the pillows and blanket off. It will be too hard to cope with your little one.

Hope it all blows over by tomorrow. Best of luck.

I hope that your friend is having a re-think about her plans, OP, as they also need to include consideration for you and your daughter. You've paid the transport element and she really needs to honour that, she knows you can't drive.

What a stressful situation for you, I would be stressed as well. I hope tomorrow brings better things. I agree with the posters advising that you talk together in person, not do this over text messages, it's so easy for those to be misconstrued.

I'm sorry that your longed for holiday has turned a bit pear-shaped and I hope your friend is decent enough to realise that she has an obligation to get you and your daughter home again as agreed.

She said “hadn't booked yet as we were unsure whether to go for the day tomorrow or Friday due to weather forecasts”

she has tickets but if she hasn’t booked yet it may be fully booked, I do think OP should’ve booked a date before telling her child.

@Notsurehowtoprocessthis
U need to send your friend a message asking for details on pickup time for going home. Assume she is coming go get yous until she says otherwise, if she says she mot then she's a bigger c*nt and have it out with her. She knows you've no way to get home because she brought you. Also, think hard about continuing this friendship...or not

Your ‘friend’ is a horror. But to answer your question. Yes absolutely cancel the travel home on your discount and rebook as foot passengers if you need to. If she doesn’t take you home then you owe her nothing. If she doesn’t take you home she’s an absolute piece of shit.

You say that your daughter's reaction was to her daughter's blood. How hurt was this little girl? I am just wondering whether your friend was very worried and upset about her daughter, and couldn't cope with your daughter's meltdown in that moment, or was upset if you didn't seem interested in the fact that her daughter was hurt.

I suppose I am playing devils advocate. You are really good friends who are on holiday together yet she feels no qualms about dumping you there without the means to get home. She must know that this will end your friendship. Either she really is a terrible person or there is something about this event that we are missing. Are you also autistic, and could this lead to you misunderstanding or misconstruing a situation?

Either way, I guess your priority now is to get your daughter to Disneyland - assuming she wants to go - and then buying a bag that will get your belongings safely home via the most convenient and affordable method. I don't think you need to consider how any changes to your return journey might affect your friend in these circumstances.

You could order a suitcase from amazon.fr, next day delivery, the campsite office should be able to receive a parcel for you. Alternatively consider boxing up the bulky stuff and posting home, just travel with the essentials then you're not lugging suitcases around between trains etc. Services like DPD will do door to door with collection.

Stop referring to this person as a friend. They aren't.

To leave someone with an young child stranded in another country when you've taken the responsibility to drive them there, is beyond shitty.

A large rucksack / backpack would be more useful than a suitcase. A large rucksack would have been a far more sensible option in the first place than a bag for life. You can stuff lots of stuff in and it would have squished up in the car.

@Notsurehowtoprocessthis Like some others have said, keep your fingers crossed for this morning. It's hard to judge without knowing the situation or the people, but here's something that's super easy to loose sight of in the heat of them moment - or it is for me at least!

When people get tired, hungry, thirsty, frazzled, frustrated, and to the limit of what they can cope with, that can make us say and do all kinds of stupid shit, because we're not thinking about the long term consequences of effects of our actions, we just need to make ourselves feel better RIGHT NOW, and nothing else worries us.

Until a few hours later when we wake up and think "Jesus fcuking Christ what have I done, how am I.. what th.. ok, that'll be me fcuked then.. FCUK!!", then have to do the walk of shame round to their mates house and face the music like "Mate, you know that thing last night with the.. er.. huh..". See how the land lies after breakfast and go from there :)

I think you nee£ to reply to the text saying you understand but you need a call first thing in the morning to discuss logistics for the rest of the holiday: travel, Disney etc

I know all Autistic individuals are different - I'm an AuDHD Mother to 6 year old AuDHD twin girls - but I really don't see why you didn't remove your daughter from this scenario.
Your friend's young child hurt herself and then had to experience her friend's screaming reaction. No, the other Mother should not have attempted to tell your child off, but I can't imagine your laissez-faire "Leave her to.it" type of response was what your friend needed to hear in that moment. Parents who don't have Autistic children tend to not understand meltdowns and she, already frazzled and struggling before this even happened, was just a) looking out for her own daughter's well-being and b) probably could have done with YOU removing her child.
I do get how hard it can be when your child is meltdown - I have 2 to contend with - but I also look out for others, especially other children - when one or both of mine are having one their (nigh on daily) screaming meltdowns (which often include me being kicked or punched).
I rather feel you and your friend both owe one another an apology.

Wow! Are you always this kind???

This. It doesn't matter how tired she is, if she does this it's appalling

hopefully today looks brighter for you!

the large french supermarkets would have everything.
luggage, or a luggage cart where you could strap your bags onto.

flixbus is great.

you can get earphone headbands, if your dd can tolerate them, to listen to stories.

Woah… did you read the OP, Mainoo???

It’s the friend who’s being a prize dick here!

I think there's a miscommunication somewhere.

From your perspective, your child had a meltdown and there was no point intervening. Your friend tried to tell your daughter off. You don't understand why your friend didn't just leave the situation if the meltdown was upsetting her. You did your own thing for the rest of the afternoon to create a bit of distance.

From her perspective, her daughter was hurt, bleeding and upset. Your daughter's meltdown was making the situation more fraught but you didn't attempt to intervene, soothe or remove. You appeared unconcerned about her daughter. You did your own thing all afternoon while she quietly seethed about your lack of concern or empathy for her daughter, self absorbed parenting choices (from her point of view) and unwillingness to stick around to talk it through. She is determined to have a nice holiday and can't risk a similar situation arising.

If your friend leaves just ask her when she will pick you up to go home. You can stay with your daughter and enjoy this holiday anyway. Why leave?

Really sorry this happened. Your friend sounds like a shit friend and a shit person. I think that would be the end of the friendship for me. I hope you manage to salvage something from the trip

It sounds like a crappy situation for all of you.

Your friend is massively overreacting and leaving you stranded is a crappy thing to do.

However, I think you do share some of the responsibility here. Her daughter was the one who was hurt, you should have removed your daughter from the situation, not expected your friend and her daughter to leave. I can see how your friend might have seen your behaviour as uncaring towards the hurt child and concerned only with your own. Sounds like both of you have disabled kids (you mentioned her daughter's DLA) but in your narrative, only your child's disability seems to matter.

I'm autistic and have two autistic teens, when they were little I would absolutely remove them from a triggering situation, not expect other people to leave. Yes, you can't do anything about a meltdown, but you can take a younger child somewhere else to get it out of their system.

I think the situation has been poorly handled by both adults here, who are both behaving selfishly. You didn't handle your child melting down while another child was hurt very well. She massively overreacted and her "punishment" of abandoning you both in the middle of a holiday without transport doesn't fit the crime.

An apology is in order on both sides, both of you need to climb down off your high horses and talk like grown ups about how to manage the rest of the holiday.

Absolutely your friend should honour her commitment to your travel, and if she doesn't want to drive you home, should at least make (and pay for) alternative arrangements. If she doesn't do that, I'm afraid she isn't much of a friend.

I'm wondering if your friend has just had enough, there may have been other things that you didn't notice that were annoying her throughout the holiday. Are boundaries too soft to reduce your daughter having a meltdown? I think the term meltdown is overused and often an excuse or a go to for shitty parenting & poorly behaved children (I'm not saying that's the case with you) I have a child with autism and i have never used that term because of the reasons I have mentioned and I quickly learned ways to manage my son becoming overwhelmed and dysregulated.

I am surprised you have organised Disney without the additional support they offer, if you have your diagnosis letter they may be lenient and provide you with a pass.

However, text her and apologise for how this has worked out, you don't want to fall out with her etc. Hopefully she will see sense and stop acting like this if she's still being an arse tell you you need the tickets and when you get yourself home, tell her to F off and never speak to her again.