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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask you to help me process things and get home from France.

940 replies

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 04/09/2024 21:49

I've come away with a friend and our children and she's been struggling since before we got here.

Tonight my daughter got really tired and had a screaming meltdown after my friend's daughter hurt herself and my daughter saw the blood and couldnt cope and it sent her into an epic meltdown. My friend has got it into her head that my daughter was being out of order for screaming when her daughter had hurt herself and couldn't understand that my daughter literally just can't cope with things like that due to her autism. She kept coming over trying to tell my daughter off for screaming and saying to me it was out of order (my DD is 5) and I said just leave it she's having a meltdown. I kept repeating that she's having a meltdown and there's nothing anyone can do to calm her until she's calm, so she's gone back to the room and text me that she can't be here and she's booked something else and leaving in the morning.

Which is fine. İf she doesn't want to be around us, I can't fault her for that. Only I booked and paid for the accomodation and she was paying for the transport. She drove us here and I don't drive. I don't even have a suitcase for my stuff as I just threw it in a supermarket bag for life and a large shoulder bag and put it in the car for convenience, as well as a couple of blankets and a pillow. I'll have to try and ask the staff if they can help me sort out a suitcase. We are in the countryside on a Eurocamp and there's a train station but I doubt it would take us anywhere nearby easy to get to with a suitcase shop and my daughter doesn't walk far due to her autism.

There hasn't been any issues with my daughter. She's well behaved. She has her moments like all kids with not listening sometimes and asking for sweets constantly, but no different from her friend. There's been no drama, everything has been fine all holiday between us all. She hasn't had a meltdown for weeks because it's been summer holidays and life has been much calmer. My friend hasn't been sleeping though and struggling with her daughter between the two of them, some kind of discomnectand it seems like she's just taken this as her personal last straw and wants to be alone. Which is fine. İf she can't cope with other people right now that's not something I'd hold against anyone. They didn't have to be around us for the meltdown, we were outdoors in a public area with loads of different things to do, and I've done my own thing all afternoon as we wanted to do different things, so there hasn't been any animosity building up. İn fact, me and my dd had only been back for about ten minutes at the campsite from our day out when this all erupted. My daughter has meltdowns, that's just autism unfortunately, but no one was forced to be around us, we weren't at the room when it happened and it's the only one in weeks and weeks. I've warned my friend loads of times about the autism. We all went on a group holiday before and shared a glamping pod and everything was fine, so I don't know where this has come from.

Anyway sorry for the long post, just trying to process it all. Through the accomodation booking I booked a heavily discounted ferry crossing. Would I be out of order to cancel it and book myself and DD discounted foot passenger tickets. İt's the cheapest way for me to get home. I've already paid the accomodation and my friend was meant to be paying the travel. I can only get the discount once so I'd have to cancel the ferry we were booked on, in order to use the discount for myself. I'm already going to have to pay for really expensive last minute trains all the way here in France and UK and a taxi from the station and it's going to be a much harder and longer journey and there's less ferries per day which take foot passengers.

The other thing is, is that my friend was really keen for us to do Disney on this holiday for a day. I went along with it to be a good friend, even though it's a big extra expense on what was supposed to be a cheap holiday, and she wanted to tell the children before we had booked it. Anyway I was only able to go as she gets DLA for her child so booked queue jump for us via her DLA. I can't take my DD now as she can't cope with queues and her DLA hasn't been processed yet. My friend did a big surprise thing with getting them to scratch scratch cards to see where they're going even after I said let's tell them when we are on the way, because I didn't want to make promises which might not be kept, knowing how tired everyone gets on holiday. Now I have to tell my dd that her friend is leaving early and we can't go to Disney now either.

Sorry for the long post I just don't want people to jump in and say maybe your dd is being worse than you think, and i wanted to properly explain the autism and how much I've been on my dd's emotions to make sure there hasn't been any outbursts.

OP posts:
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8
Usou · 05/09/2024 08:30

Even thetrainline.com will offer connecting trains and tickets from your nearest station back to blighty, and SNCF also have a very good website with English.

It might be a day's solid travel, but it's doable, and you may be able to avoid Paris (with carseat).

Enjoy your remaining time, tell DD you're going on an exciting train journey, and don't panic - you'll manage.

PS: your friend sounds a bit of an arsehole.

southpawsofthenorth · 05/09/2024 08:32

PS: your friend sounds a bit of an arsehole

Agree. Being angry in the heat of the moment is one thing but she’s just being a dick now.

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 05/09/2024 08:33

İts absolutely pouring with rain today. Me and dd are just sitting on phones in the bedroom.

I don't know how to process all of this about the car seat...that's definitely a strong signal that we aren't getting a lift home.

I just feel a bit heartbroken. I don't think I'll say anything to her as she does love drama a bit and I don't want to give her the satisfaction. I might see if I can courier my stuff home. I'm absolutely petrified of flying, hence doing a holiday close to home, and by the time I go into Paris and get the train to CDG I might as well be on a train en route to Calais, I think. I just wanted a holiday to be away from admin for a bit. We won't go to Disney, it'll be too much without a queue jump pass.

OP posts:
jenny38 · 05/09/2024 08:34

Absolutely disgusting behaviour on her part.
Op I would contact her to confirm she is not brining you home then cancel ferry as per above.
Book flights and book special assistance for your daughter, to avoid queues. Go to disney- you have free tickets- but don't stay all day. At 5 your daughter won't realise you have missed bits.
You can do this

MrsGhastlyCrumb · 05/09/2024 08:35

Can you go and speak to the staff at Reception? They may be able to help.

I honestly cannot believe your 'friend' is putting you both through this. Yes, it can be a bit much witnessing a meltdown if you don't understand what is going on, and it can be stressful being in close proximity to people you don't normally live with for a week- but even so, she should have offered to meet up for Disney and the trip home.

Anyway, I do hope you are able to navigate this and salvage a day or two for you & your daughter so you have some nice memories of the trip.

DrBlackbird · 05/09/2024 08:36

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 05/09/2024 08:20

Shes gone. She's taken my daughter's car seat out of the car and left it here too. İt's not even mine I borrowed it from someone in our home town.

So much for all the posters wanting to give the ‘friend’ the benefit of the doubt etc. She sounds absolutely horrendous to do this to you OP. Beyond comprehension that she could drive away knowing that you have no transport with a 5 yr old DD with additional needs. And leaving the car seat?!

Did you talk with her before she left? If not, I would still text her along the lines of what someone previously suggested asking if she’s coming back to drive you all home. She needs to tell you in order for you to make your plans.

Hopefully there are other children for your DD to play with at the camp. Otherwise you will have to be your DDs playmate and have fun the two of you. It will be hard for your DD to process but you being positive will help.

Not sure what to say about your transport problems for getting home. Now with a car seat. Hopefully some lovely Mumsnetters with knowledge of France will come along with further advice. MN can be such a wonderful place when people come to offer help.

Ignore the few others who seem to take pleasure in kicking someone when they’re down.

MSLRT · 05/09/2024 08:36

What an absolute awful cow of a friend. I am so sorry for you and your daughter. Cancel the ferry. Why should you make life easier for her.

Ghilliegums · 05/09/2024 08:37

Have you asked your friend if she can give you a lift home?

DogInATent · 05/09/2024 08:37

@Notsurehowtoprocessthis
Can you drive? and if you can, do you have your driving license with you?
If you can, and do, then look into hiring a car with a drop-off at Calais where you can travel on to the UK as a foot passenger.

MrsGhastlyCrumb · 05/09/2024 08:38

Also, I wonder if you could ask Reception to see if there's anything to be done about the queue pass? We went this year- our first family holiday abroad and both of our kids qualify for them, though my partner sorted that bit out. Given that you have been left in the lurch and your daughter does have ASD, you are entitled to one.

Ghilliegums · 05/09/2024 08:39

As tbh she may be planning to take you home anyway especially after she's had some sleep and calmed down. She probably thought you might need the car seat.

Or she's literally left you and your dd in France which is a bit insane!

Antsinmypantsneedtodance · 05/09/2024 08:39

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 05/09/2024 08:20

Shes gone. She's taken my daughter's car seat out of the car and left it here too. İt's not even mine I borrowed it from someone in our home town.

Last i did eyrocamp and the like there was a contact on site. Speak to them today and explain the situation. They may have an idea on how to help. Also may have lost property with a bag or something in Or allow you to order from french amazon to the site to get a case.

I'd also see if there are any friendly families staying on site. If i was there and heard this i'd happily take you to find a suitcase/drive you to the station or similar. Tbh if i had the space and i was heading that way i'd probably offer to give you a lift back to U.K. People can be very kind and understanding. They can also be arseholes. But its worth giving them a chance.

Car seat wise contact the person who you borrowed it from. If its old they may be happy qith you leaving it or it may be An addiitonal cost but you could replace like for like on your return. If you're training the whole way you won't want to be taking it with you.

As for the friend. She's not a friend. Get some boundaries and don't make any excuses for her. This is unforgivable behaviour.

QueenHilda · 05/09/2024 08:42

Definitely check with her re. a lift home.

If she says she’s not coming for you, cancel the ferry.

A courier sounds the best option for your stuff, but check the price. It may be cheaper to buy a new car seat, pillows etc.

Ask in Eurocamp reception for help obtaining a suitcase.

Good luck x

Sinisterdexter · 05/09/2024 08:42

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 05/09/2024 08:33

İts absolutely pouring with rain today. Me and dd are just sitting on phones in the bedroom.

I don't know how to process all of this about the car seat...that's definitely a strong signal that we aren't getting a lift home.

I just feel a bit heartbroken. I don't think I'll say anything to her as she does love drama a bit and I don't want to give her the satisfaction. I might see if I can courier my stuff home. I'm absolutely petrified of flying, hence doing a holiday close to home, and by the time I go into Paris and get the train to CDG I might as well be on a train en route to Calais, I think. I just wanted a holiday to be away from admin for a bit. We won't go to Disney, it'll be too much without a queue jump pass.

Get on fb and ask for help on Ladies in France Together.
we’re all over France.
Someone will have good advice and may get you to a train station.

Ghilliegums · 05/09/2024 08:45

Please telephone your friend and speak to her in person, clarifying how you are getting home before you arrange anything else.

bravotango · 05/09/2024 08:45

She's an awful 'friend', this would be it for me and I'd be NC with her. Agree with PP suggestion of seeing if there are any Brits in the campsite who would be willing to drive the car seat home. Firstly though I'd use the car seat to take a taxi to a Carrefour and get a suitcase, cancel the ferry crossing and ask for your Disney tickets back. Then I'd book my trains for a few days time, and enjoy the rest of the week as best you can.

BunnyLake · 05/09/2024 08:46

Your friend is the pits. Absolutely disgusting to leave you stranded and the dumping of the car seat is the final insult. Once you get back I’d strongly advise you to never speak to her in any way again. A very nasty individual she is.

Good luck with getting back, take the advice of the more informed on here. To hell with the ‘friend’. .

HallidayJones6779 · 05/09/2024 08:48

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 05/09/2024 08:20

Shes gone. She's taken my daughter's car seat out of the car and left it here too. İt's not even mine I borrowed it from someone in our home town.

Oh goodness me that’s awful. She’s not a friend I’m afraid. Can you post the car seat back via a courier or something? Xxx

QueenHilda · 05/09/2024 08:48

I’ve never done a car/ferry crossing from France to UK, but as with air travel I would not be agreeing to carry other people’s luggage, due to risk of smuggling etc. Better not rely on other people’s kindness to take your stuff x

Americano75 · 05/09/2024 08:50

What an appalling human being she is, I can't believe how badly she's treated you and your daughter. Nasty piece of work.

southpawsofthenorth · 05/09/2024 08:51

I don't think I'll say anything to her as she does love drama a bit

That would explain a lot

Billybagpuss · 05/09/2024 08:52

When are you due to leave and when would you prefer to leave? And if you don’t think it’s too outing where are you I’m sure between us we can help you sort out the best way home, don’t be in too much of a rush to courier the car seat we may need it

Nothanks17 · 05/09/2024 08:52

Removing what I said after what I have seen from your follow up comments. So sorry you are going through this.

Meanwhile33 · 05/09/2024 08:53

What an absolute cow, I’m so sorry she did this to you. I would completely cut her out of my life after being treated like this, neither you or your daughter deserve this.

If you have any NHS headed letters about her condition emailed to you on your phone that should be enough to get a queue jump pass at Disney. I got one because I have MS even though I hadn’t planned to or got any official paperwork, the people in the concierge were really nice and wanted to help.

The Eurostar station is right next to the park so you could book train tickets home for mid / late afternoon, go to the park in the morning, see the people in the concierge as soon as you get in about a queue pass, see the castle and go on a couple of rides and then get the train home from there the same day. The only worry is if she uses the Disney tickets before you can, which I wouldn’t put it past her.

To solve the bag problem, I’d go to reception at the caravan park, tell them what’s happened and ask for help. They might have something they can give you, or someone could give you a lift to a supermarket where you could get a big cheap hold-all or something with wheels.

And definitely cancel the ferry booking. I’m so angry with her on your behalf.

Sinisterdexter · 05/09/2024 08:53

@Notsurehowtoprocessthis I’m slightly baffled.
Did you not here your friend get up with a dc?
I would have gone to speak to her before she left.

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